Coming out...A lifelong process of growth
Ok everybody. One of my favorite things (besides wiskers on kittens) is getting to know people through their stories. I've always wanted to do a compilation of "coming out" stories from people in this industry. One unique advantage to this industry as opposed to many others is that very often, being gay is considered an asset. No pun intended.
I'd love to get any coming out stories that any of you are willing to share. It's a great way to connect on a human level and bond us just that much more. Please keep in mind though that coming out can mean many things on many levels. There was coming out to myself...my friends/coworkers, my family...I continue to come out as my life enters new arenas and I meet new people. When I was diagnosed with HIV I had to come out all over again...and continue to do so almost daily. I had to come out in reference to my involvement with the porn industry (there's no way I'm ever telling my parents about that). In essence, I see coming out as self-realization and the ability to implement that into daily life. As we grow and change, so to does that process.
One story to get the ball rolling:
In March of 1998, shortly before I was to turn 22 years old, my parents came home braced for a discussion. I knew what they wanted to talk about, my mother had tried unsuccessfully to bring up the subject on her own several times. They already knew my boyfriend, which wasn't exactly a plus as he was an HIV+ alcoholic and they knew that too. They already knew I had had sex with a man before since they found that out when I was 17. However, therapy and the 2 girlfriends that followed that ordeal seemed to have "cleared things up."
When my mother asked me if I was confused about my sexual identity, I curtly replied "No." When further asked if that was because I had decided I was gay I told them I had to leave for an important meeting in 10 minutes and to be sure this was a conversation they wanted to have right then. When they insisted on talking about it then and there I became immediately deffensive and lashed out telling them that not only was I gay, but that the man they knew as my friend was more than that, the hickey I had had a few days before was from him, not some strange girl at a bar as I had orriginally told them.
My mother and I are usually both very emotional people. That day, we were cold. I think there was a silent understanding that if we let loose the floodgates of emotion that day, we might not be able to get the water back where it belongs and the damage could be irreversible. My father, on the other hand, started crying, which was something I'd only seen him do a few times before. When I asked him why he was crying, he replied only that he felt he had not done a good enough job as a father since I didn't feel I could have brought this burden to him sooner. He felt guilty that I had felt the need to hide who I was and wanted me to know that I never had to do that again.
My mother took a little longer to work through her own issues with my sexuality, but we worked at it together, keeping lines of communication open. That's how we opperate.
Thankfully, my story has a happy ending; not all of us are so lucky. If you care to share with this community, please feel free.
