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Thread: How Do You Feel About This?

  1. #1
    You do realize by 'gay' I mean a man who has sex with other men?
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    How Do You Feel About This?

    http://www.internext-expo.com/html/s...inar_sch.shtml

    Seen the name of the Gay seminar in Vegas?

    I personally think that shows very bad taste Its hard enough that as a community working in the adult industry we get all kinds of abuse thrown at us by others because we are gay / work in the gay market but to have a seminar called Fag FAQ is just pushing it a little to far imho.

    Going to call Tom Hymes and see what his position is on this

    Regards,

    Lee


  2. #2
    Ounique
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    Re: How Do You Feel About This?

    Hey there Lee,

    Luckily they've changed the name by now. From what I understand, a gay person came up with that name and it was meant in a very lighthearted way. My personal opinion on this is that it was a bad call, mainly because there is still a lot of homophobia in the adult webmaster community and things like this give people license to use words like "fag" and "homo" maliciously while claiming that they are just joking around.

    It's very disheartening to be reading posts from people you like and respect and then see them saying things like "That is so gay" or making some remark accusing a straight male webmaster of engaging in gay sex thinking that it is really insulting and funny. I have a thick skin and don't often get offended by off color remarks, but sometimes enough is enough. Remarks like this make me feel like we are being treated as less than human. Okay, that's my soapbox for the day. Anyone else?


  3. #3
    Scorpio
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    Well glad to hear he changed the name. Still not good that some people in this business uses words like this one... it shows no respect at all, and that tells you a bit about their business.

    Update: I agree with you Don. They heard a gay guy saying the word "fag" so they think they can use that word too... I have a lot of black friends saying the "n" word, but that gives me no right to use it.
    Last edited by Scorpio; 11-11-2003 at 08:00 PM.


  4. #4
    virgin by request ;) Chilihost's Avatar
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    Aah, you're all a bunch of fags...this thread is so gay.


    ...Luke


  5. #5
    Big Hands/Big Feet=Expensive shoes & gloves! Mansized's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Chilihost
    Aah, you're all a bunch of fags...this thread is so gay.


    Right on Chum! I'm with you on this one.

    We finally owned the word "queer"..and it's time to take over "fag" and make it our own too. So when someone says "Are you a fag", you can say with pride...DAMN STRAIGHT!

    Guys..a little too sensitive on this one. I can understand where you are comming from, but SOME day, we HAVE to get over letting words dictate our feelings and who we really are.

    And frankly, ready to stand up and say "I'm a fag, and I've got some faqs for ya!"

    I know it's a tad too rad for a lot of "queers".


    ...Luke


  6. #6
    Have an idea and make it come to life! Gary-Alan's Avatar
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    Everyone is entitled to their opinion on this one.

    I disagree with the use. It's a word I chose NOT to "own".

    As I said elsewhere today, to use a word like that is to validate it and to validate it is to give those who would use it against us license to abuse it.

    Am I being overly sensitive? MaybeÖ I think Iím not. Iím just sick and tired of having politics dictated to me. I am sick of being told that as a member of the gay community, I need to take on what has been thrown at me - out of malcontent and hatred - and have to bear it proudly. I speak for no one but myself when I say, BULLSHIT!

    It's a word that reminds me, anytime I hear it, about the beating I endured at 16 for being me. It reminds me of the loathing I endured from people when they heard I was out. It reminds me of the continual struggle we have in front of us, not only in life, but also in this industry.

    It's a word I tolerate when others use it, even amongst us.

    Do the panelists have the right to us it? Sure they do.

    Do I have the right to not like and not attend? Absolutely!!!

    Gary-Alan


  7. #7
    Big Hands/Big Feet=Expensive shoes & gloves! Mansized's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Gary-Alan
    Everyone is entitled to their opinion on this one.

    Am I being overly sensitive? MaybeÖ I think Iím not. Iím just sick and tired of having politics dictated to me. I am sick of being told that as a member of the gay community, I need to take on what has been thrown at me - out of malcontent and hatred - and have to bear it proudly. I speak for no one but myself when I say, BULLSHIT!


    Sorry Gary-Alan..but I gotta call "Bullshit" on your post. You accuse me and others of "dictating" what words to use and not to use and it's **YOU** that's all the fuck upset about this word being used..not me..so it is YOU that is dictating that this is not a word that should be used by the gay community. You do NOT speak for me.

    There was a time that "queer" was just as reviled as fag is now.
    But we grew up and finally got over the fact that it is not WORDS that hurt us..but the ACTIONS. And I think you're confusing the actions with the words now. I'm sorry you got beaten up and probably called a fag. But it was the VIOLENCE that needs to be condemned. It's the people that commit the violence that need to be dealt with.

    I'm not going to be "politically correct" and accept the fact that a word will label me or do injury to me as I have my own self respect as a human being that no word or words will ever damage.

    Where is the "gay" dictionary that tells us "this word is acceptable, this one is not"? See what I mean?


  8. #8
    Have an idea and make it come to life! Gary-Alan's Avatar
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    I didn't say I was speaking for YOU. Never did. I even went as far as saying I speak for no but myself. It is my opinion. It is a word that effects ME.

    I'm not dictating shit to you. I have the right to my opinion. As you have a right to yours.

    The word offends me... simple as that. I did not tell anyone to change it and I won't. Again, I said the panelist and AVN can call it what they want.

    What I find funny is one of your first posts here was about how offended you were that webmasters were using the word on GFY and their derrogatory comments offended you. Whether it's coming from GFY or from within our own community, it's still a word that for someone like me, hurts.

    So open up your gay dictionary and look up the word hipocrite.


  9. #9
    Big Hands/Big Feet=Expensive shoes & gloves! Mansized's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Gary-Alan
    I didn't say I was speaking for YOU. Never did. I even went as far as saying I speak for no but myself. It is my opinion. It is a word that effects ME.

    I'm not dictating shit to you. I have the right to my opinion. As you have a right to yours.

    The word offends me... simple as that. I did not tell anyone to change it and I won't. Again, I said the panelist and AVN can call it what they want.

    What I find funny is one of your first posts here was about how offended you were that webmasters were using the word on GFY and their derrogatory comments offended you. Whether it's coming from GFY or from within our own community, it's still a word that for someone like me, hurts.

    So open up your gay dictionary and look up the word hipocrite.
    This is ALMOST funny. Come on...some of your post was directed towards me..no big deal..but it was.

    And what I was pointing out is that we actually help empower a word by saying "Don't use that word!". Sure it offends you..never said it doesn't. I'm saying it doesn't really bother me all that much anymore.

    And what I find funny about you is that you want to go back to one of my first posts on here (talk about reaching out of context here) and quote me on my lack of comfortability about posts on gfy. And I DID feel that way then.

    THEN..I got over it. I hope you get over it too. It's time to move on to much more important things in our lives. I mean, isn't our "slogan" "Get over it girl!" (Wanna talk about something that REALLY bugs me in a word?!?! haha)


  10. #10
    Ounique
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    Gentlemen, I do sense a bit of temper in both of your posts, but take a moment and read over what you have both written. You are communicating. Sure, you both have different ideas and you may not agree on everything, but you are both communicating your ideas.

    I have found in my dealings with message boards both in the adult community and in my own private life that people jump to the conclusion that any disagreement automatically means that there is ill will between the participants. We live in a free country and we are allowed to have our own opinions. And when we get together and share these opinions we may find common ground or we may crash, or we may do both in the very same posting. Use your differences as a learning experience instead of just turning your back on a differing idology. I, myself, love to jump into conversations just like these. If you look at some of the arguments that abulletaway and I have had on some of the other boards (usually about gay rights or gay/straight issues) and you might think we were mortal enemies. The truth is that he is one of my favorite people to go head to head with. Because he challenges the way I think, he reaffirms my convictions, and gives me an opportunity to learn how others see things. It's always a positive experience, even if steam is shooting out of my ears as I'm writing.

    So, please think about what you have said, and about what the other has said, and appreciate the fact that we are all human and that you have both given each other and anyone who reads this, a chance to see different points of view.


  11. #11
    Ounique
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    You know, I came in here to comment on something Mansized had said and I got so carried away with my other post that I completey forgot to say what I was going to say. LOL!!!

    I had a very bad experience in the past with a straight roommate of mine. He was actually the boyfriend of someone I was going to get an apartment with and so we moved in together even though I didn't know him that well. He was homophobic but figured he could live with me so that we could get the house we were looking at. When I meet someone like that, I usually open myself to them and allow them to see what kind of a person I am, rather than just be indignant that they are homophobic. I have made friends with people and have given them the chance to rethink their ideas on gay people because they had never had a chance to really get to know one before.

    This situation didn't go so well. If he would make gay jokes or say derogatory comments, I would laugh it off. He would say things like, "you're not so bad for a fag", or make "butt pirate" jokes, and I would just act like it didn't bother me. I didn't want to give him the power of realizing that those words did hurt coming from him. Well, the end result was that he started using them more and more. I wanted him to feel comfortable around me enough to not censor his usual language. Instead, he took it as an opportunity to demean me and make more jokes because he honestly thought that by letting him use this language, I was too stupid to realize that he was really being insulting.

    My straight friends refer to things as "gay" and I've even heard a few of them refer to someone as a "fag". I don't make a big deal about it until the language turns intentionally insulting. I always say that I don't get offended by someone unless they are intentionally trying to offed me. I just worry that by making offensive language mainstream, you empower someone to be malicious while still claming use language that is acceptable.

    Again, my two cents. Take it for what it's worth. Thank you for listening.


  12. #12
    Big Hands/Big Feet=Expensive shoes & gloves! Mansized's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Ounique
    Gentlemen, I do sense a bit of temper in both of your posts, but take a moment and read over what you have both written. You are communicating. Sure, you both have different ideas and you may not agree on everything, but you are both communicating your ideas.

    I have found in my dealings with message boards both in the adult community and in my own private life that people jump to the conclusion that any disagreement automatically means that there is ill will between the participants.
    Hi ya,

    Thanks for your post..and you hit it on the head.
    This is just a message board where people exchange ideas and opinions on a wide array of subjects.

    Sure, it gets heated, but I think a person who is passionate in their convictions will always be a little "heated" in their posts.

    As for me, have no ill will towards anyone. Just expressing my views on things. Nothing more..nothing less.


  13. #13
    Big Hands/Big Feet=Expensive shoes & gloves! Mansized's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Ounique


    This situation didn't go so well. If he would make gay jokes or say derogatory comments, I would laugh it off. He would say things like, "you're not so bad for a fag", or make "butt pirate" jokes, and I would just act like it didn't bother me. I didn't want to give him the power of realizing that those words did hurt coming from him. Well, the end result was that he started using them more and more. I wanted him to feel comfortable around me enough to not censor his usual language. Instead, he took it as an opportunity to demean me and make more jokes because he honestly thought that by letting him use this language, I was too stupid to realize that he was really being insulting.
    I think we've all gone through something similar. My question for ya is during this entire period of time, did you ever TELL this dood that you didn't appreciate some of his language and that some of his things he said hurt your feelings?

    As much as we might want to believe that EVERYONE we associate with are intelligent perceptive creatures..we gotta face it that some are not. By not saying anything, this guy could have gotten the impression that was he was saying and doing was ok with you. Maybe he didn't know how upset you were about him.

    Ah..the old communications thing..when in doubt, make sure the other person knows how you are feeling/thinking.


  14. #14
    BDBionic
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    MOMMY?!?! DADDY?!?! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS FIGHTING?!?!?!

    *runs to my room crying and slams the door*


  15. #15
    Have an idea and make it come to life! Gary-Alan's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Mansized

    Sure, it gets heated, but I think a person who is passionate in their convictions will always be a little "heated" in their posts.

    As for me, have no ill will towards anyone. Just expressing my views on things. Nothing more..nothing less.
    Couldn't have said it better, Mansized.

    :thumbsup:

    GA


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