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Thread: All I want for Christmas

  1. #1
    Jason
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    All I want for Christmas

    I still have my 2 front teeth (for now). What I really want for Christmas is to sit at home with my family, have some cocoa, build a fire, read, look out on the moonlit snow and enjoy the warmth and beauty of the tree and holiday decor. I'm finding myself nostalgic for Christmases past this year, when my biggest worries were whether or not we would get home from Grandma's before Santa got there.

    Of course, time doesn't reverse, and although it's an appealing fantasy at times, I wouldn't really want to be a child again. But there is something about the holiday season that helps me to remember that innocent part of myself, that I tend to deny the rest of the year.

    Everybody has a story and I'm fascinated by details, feelings, experiences and interpretations of those experiences. If you have some time, please post here and share with us some part of yourself and your own holiday traditions. Families are created with broad and colorful strokes. Who is your family, what is it that you really want for Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza et.al?

    Looking forward to hearing from you all...maybe we can get a bunch of Christmas stories together and publish the first Adult Webmaster Christmas story book :-)

    Since this is a Gay Board...maybe we could call it "Coming Out At Christmas and Other Queer Holiday Tales."


  2. #2
    Have an idea and make it come to life! Gary-Alan's Avatar
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    Want do I want for Christmas? Well like you I have my two front teeth, I have my health again, I’m in love and I have the dog.

    How about peace of mind? That would be something I would want for Christmas. It doesn’t have to be wrapped. It can come in shape it desires. I’m not worried about the size, just that it fits somehow. I would hope it doesn’t have an expiration date, but beggars can’t be choosers with this type of gift, I’ll take as much of it as I can, too. It doesn’t have to come on Christmas either. I’ll accept shipment anytime. But it’s always nice to know it will arrive on a specific day.

    I used to have piece of mind this time of year when I was little. Or maybe I was too young to know anything else.

    I do wish we could turn back the clock, just for a little while. I miss those innocent days. We would all go over to Babice’s (Polish for Grandma) for Christmas Eve. She would make a feast for us. We would all sit around a big table (in my mind) and just eat and talk. I would get to see my godmother, my cousin and my uncle – people we rarely saw any other time of the year. We would talk, and giggle and since I was very young and would be the focus of all the hugs and tickles available.

    And we didn’t have to wait to get home for Santa to arrive. My dad had a special deal with him to make a fast stop at Babice’s before continuing on. Of course we weren’t allowed to see Santa, we had to hide in the dining room when he arrived. Dad’s deal was, if one of us saw him, he’d have to miss our house that night (cruel but effective). And with a footfall in the hall way and a knock at the door and bells jingling, we knew he was there. My brothers and my cousin knowing I needed to be distracted from pulling open the door, took me to the window to see the back rungs of Santa’s sleigh jutting off the roof. It was dark and I could barely see them. But they were there!

    The door would open and out we ran, to see gifts under the tree and Babice sitting next to it smiling at us with as much excitement as we had. I was the baby so I got to sit in Babice’s lap and open my gifts. We played for a while, and then it was time to get home. Santa was still coming and we had to get ready for the next day at my other grandma’s house – with the 13 cousins, 8 aunts and uncles, mom, dad and grandma.

    We rode home with the radio playing with frequent reports about a red nosed reindeer being spotted over Brooklyn - hey I knew he was there, dad made a deal. And I remember thinking “Stay in Brooklyn we’re not home yet!”

    Now time marched on like always. Here we are today. And yet I still hold on to these memories the most every Christmas. It wasn’t long after that I found out the truth about Santa, I found out the sleigh rungs were actually the supports for the fire escape and Dad didn’t cut a NJ deal with the big guy – he was the one who knocked at the door and ho-ho-ho’d for us. I also found out that my big brothers and my cousin all knew the truth but they stayed in that room to make it exciting for me.

    I miss those days. I miss that magic. I miss my grandmother’s and those holiday events.

    But I do have new magic, with Lee. I still have my family, who I adore, but we are all separated now. This is the pup’s first Christmas so she’s going to get spoiled like she was a human child. We’ll have my aunt and uncle (one set of the 8) over for dinner, watch some movies and have a nice evening.

    And I’ll go to sleep like I did last year, knowing that as time goes on, things change. And even though it seems like it will never be the same, what’s new today is just as exciting, as magical and as loving as it was then.

    You know what, I just found my piece of mind. It arrived early. And it fits just fine.

    All my best,
    Gary-Alan


  3. #3
    Jasun
    Guest
    Fuck Happiness. I want a motorcycle. And a bottle of Jack Daniels. I promise I won't use both at the same time.


  4. #4
    TheLegacy
    Guest
    As a child I hid under the living room sofa to catch a glimpse of santa. I lay awake all night hoping to see him only to find that parents lie, and santa was really mom.

    Later on I watched as my parents would head up to the local universities and ask any student that didnt have a home for christmas to come over to ours. there I was, a home filled with strangers all singing and enjoying one anothers company.

    My best friend came over and we traded presents, my sister who had passed away when I was in my mid 20's ran around handing out presents.

    I miss my mom, christmas now is not the same since she passed away. But the future does have its hopes, and we may never be kids again, but we can learn to enjoy the other end - the part that gives instead of takes.

    Yet as gary said so elequently - ""And I’ll go to sleep like I did last year, knowing that as time goes on, things change. And even though it seems like it will never be the same, what’s new today is just as exciting, as magical and as loving as it was then.

    You know what, I just found my piece of mind. It arrived early. And it fits just fine. ""


  5. #5
    Hammer
    Guest
    I have everything I could possibly want for myself already so I would hope that someday I can live in a world where everyone has what they need and realizes that white, black, yellow, gay or straight, jew, christian, muslim, hindu, we are all people, so let's stop all the fighting and the hate and learn to just live together and love eveyone for who they are and not where they were born, what color their skin is, or who they choose to fall in love with.

    Sorry, I'm on my third grey goose so this may be a little too sentimental.


  6. #6
    Chris Alan
    Guest
    Originally posted by Gary-Alan


    I do wish we could turn back the clock, just for a little while. I miss those innocent days. We would all go over to Babice’s (Polish for Grandma) for Christmas Eve. She would make a feast for us. We would all sit around a big table (in my mind) and just eat and talk. I would get to see my godmother, my cousin and my uncle – people we rarely saw any other time of the year. We would talk, and giggle and since I was very young and would be the focus of all the hugs and tickles available.

    And we didn’t have to wait to get home for Santa to arrive. My dad had a special deal with him to make a fast stop at Babice’s before continuing on. Of course we weren’t allowed to see Santa, we had to hide in the dining room when he arrived. Dad’s deal was, if one of us saw him, he’d have to miss our house that night (cruel but effective). And with a footfall in the hall way and a knock at the door and bells jingling, we knew he was there. My brothers and my cousin knowing I needed to be distracted from pulling open the door, took me to the window to see the back rungs of Santa’s sleigh jutting off the roof. It was dark and I could barely see them. But they were there!

    The door would open and out we ran, to see gifts under the tree and Babice sitting next to it smiling at us with as much excitement as we had. I was the baby so I got to sit in Babice’s lap and open my gifts. We played for a while, and then it was time to get home. Santa was still coming and we had to get ready for the next day at my other grandma’s house – with the 13 cousins, 8 aunts and uncles, mom, dad and grandma.

    We rode home with the radio playing with frequent reports about a red nosed reindeer being spotted over Brooklyn - hey I knew he was there, dad made a deal. And I remember thinking “Stay in Brooklyn we’re not home yet!”

    Haven't thought about that in years. Thanks for the memories.:crybaby::grin:


  7. #7
    Jason
    Guest
    Originally posted by Gary-Alan
    You know what, I just found my piece of mind. It arrived early. And it fits just fine.

    All my best,
    Gary-Alan
    Gary-Alan,

    From the bottom of my heart, thank you. That actually brought tears to my eyes. We should all be so fortunate as to recognize the true meaning of Christmas, family and love the way you do.

    Have a blessed Holiday season and give your new puppy a kiss from me!

    XOXO


  8. #8
    Jason
    Guest

    from mom...

    Hey gang, I shared some of your posts with my mom and she sent me a reply of her own. I'd like to share it with you:

    *My most treasured Christmas memories are actually of the years when my own children were young, not when I was a child myself. But since these are memories of one's childhood, I will tell of a Christmas when I was young. Actually, I was not a small child, but a teenager at the time. My father had a habit (not a good one) of giving money to one of his kids who was old enough to drive and saying, "Here. Buy something for your Mother from me for Christmas". Every year, he gave the money to someone else with the same request. My mother would always get some pretty sweater that actually fit, or a bottle of perfume that she really liked. I often wondered if she knew my Dad was not picking the presents out himself, but I didn't dare ask. The worst part of my Dad's request was that it always came only a short time before Christmas, when shopping was much more rushed or stock was depleted. Since we knew this happened every year, we could have asked him before he brought it up himself, thus avoiding the last minute rush, but we were all waiting for him to ask someone else. One year, as the date got closer and closer, we realized that he hadn't asked anyone. One by one we said, "He didn't ask me. Did he ask you?" The answer each time was "No". We started to get concerned. All my sisters and I started saying "Mom is really going to be mad when she doesn't get anything from Dad". We were worried, but by now it seemed too late. When Christmas Eve arrived, there was a great deal of confusion, as usual for a house with 10 people. When all the gifts were given, my mother had all her gifts from her children, yet none from my Dad. Then my Dad, after he was sure there were no more gifts to be given, rose and put on his coat. My mother asked where he was going, but he just replied that he had left something in the car. He went outside with his car keys, and did not return for what seemed like a little bit too long to get something out of the car. He did, however, have a very large, beautifully wrapped box. When he set the box down, we could all see that he had broken his wrist. The wrist was already swollen and obviously fractured. He simply stated that he had slipped on the ice and fallen. My mother wanted him to go right away to the Emergency Room, but he would not go until she first opened her gift. He was very insistant. Inside the beautiful box was an even more beautiful fur coat. Not one you could get in any store, but one that had been especially made just for her. One that my Dad had arranged for months before. I'll never forget how beautiful that long, black, luxuriously soft fur was. I don't think I was the only one crying, but I couldn't be sure because my own tears were obscurring my vision. And the tears were not for the beautiful coat, but for the very loving memory created that Christmas Eve. Thanks Dad!*


  9. #9
    Hammer
    Guest
    What a great story Jason. Thanks.


  10. #10
    Moderator Bec's Avatar
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    Just wanted to say how much I've enjoyed these posts. Thank you.

    Raising a cup of eggnog ... with a wish that everyone here gets their deepest heart's desire. Merry Christmas!



  11. #11
    Moderator Bec's Avatar
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    It’s Christmas Eve. There’s a light snow drifting down, and we’ll have a white Christmas.

    Standing in the doorway, I watch the flakes as they dance and shimmer, casting a quiet peace upon the land. Even in the midst of several million people in a packed city, there’s a hush. My mind takes me back to my childhood, of standing at the huge picture window and watching the same type of snow drift down, spreading it’s soft glow over everything. It’s one of the most vivid memories I have. I can still see the flakes as they hit the glass, their patterns so clear, and watched as they would melt, and another flake come to take its place. No cars, no people, even the neighborhood dogs were quiet. I think it was the first time I had experienced such silence…. And such beauty.

    I have an all Christmas music channel playing, and I just got off the phone with my mom. She’s upset that we won’t be down tomorrow, but even though two of my siblings actually said they’d pick us up, I don’t want to commit them to four hours of driving on what will be bad roads by morning.

    It’s been a rough year. Well, three actually. And it’s hard to find any joy or hope, but I’m trying. I’ve been so disoriented for these past few years with pain and stress that I haven’t even had the notion to try to put pen to paper and be the least bit creative. Til now …because I became keenly aware of something as I drifted back in time to that moment in my childhood. I realized that …

    Today is what I have. Today is where I am.
    Today I woke up in a bed, in a house with heat.
    I might not have that tomorrow, but that’s tomorrow, not today.
    Today a woman who truly loves me held me close and said “I love you”.
    Today I could talk to my mom.
    She’s a cancer survivor, and I’m blessed with every day that I CAN still pick up the phone and hear her voice.
    Today I still have my “kids”, and for the most part they’re fat and happy and healthy.
    Today I could open the lovely cards from family and friends, and know they’re thinking of me.
    Today I can say I truly have friends all around this small world.
    Today I know that I am truly loved by many.
    Today I received many gifts that money will never be able to buy.

    Tomorrow there will be no tree.
    Tomorrow there will be no store bought gifts to give.
    But tomorrow …
    I will again open the gifts I received today.
    It will be a blessed day indeed.


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