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Thread: Just out of Curiosity??

  1. #1
    TopBucks_Juan
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    Just out of Curiosity??

    I have always been facinated with how other gay folk have come out of the closet. I would love to hear your "Coming Out" to your parents story.

    As for me, my parents are seperated so I had to tell them at different times. When I told my mother, I was living in Arkansas at the time working at the Holiday Inn. And, one day I just thought I would call my mother up to talk to her and as usual she was pressing me for answers about, if I had a girlfriend yet. I guess I just had enough with the questions and figured I should tell her. I said, "Mom, I'm Gay"!! There was a long pause and she said, "Whewww!! It's about time you told me". We had a good laugh. But later on down the road the rest of my family had a great influence on her and now, my family doesn't speak to me. But I have a new family now.

    I never told my father, but I did tell my stepmother and I am positive she told him because he has made no effort to contact me. But like I said before, I have an entirely new family now who loves and cares for me. That's all that matters.

    So now it's your turn. Send in your coming out stories if you like. I would love to hear and I am sure others would like to hear as well.

    Juan


  2. #2
    Jasun
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    I never actually got the chance to come out to my parents... I got outed by my sister. My Dad didn't really react at all... he said he knew since I was about 2 hours old and didn't care. My mother was a mess, and spent the next two years calling me up once a week to tell me how much of a disappointment I was, suggested I get therapy of some sort and told me she she hoped the grandparents died before they found out. She got her wish. I never spoke to any of them again.

    My sister attempted to make contact with me, but I refused to answer her letters, take her calls and threw away any gifts she sent me.

    Times have changed.

    My parents are now extremely visible members of PFLAG out in New Brunswick, and whenever there's a gay issue to discuss on radio or TV, my Mother is the one who goes on to speak on behalf of the gay community. She was a keynote speaker at the Moncton gay Pride festival last year, and I've had about 50 people tell me that without my mother and father as pseudo parents at the University they teach at, they never would have made it through school.

    Both of my parents have written articles for news papers, and they've been interviewed together for the local newspaper about having a gay son.

    They've gone out of their way to make up for all the shit they put me through, but being a typical Metal Head, I neither forgive or forget.

    We've got an OK relationship now... I don't call them, but I don't hang up on them, either.


  3. #3
    Have an idea and make it come to life! Gary-Alan's Avatar
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    Juan you're alive! Glad to see you here!

    I'm happy to hear you have a family around that loves you. I always say, sometimes it's the family we make for ourselves that makes life all the better.

    I do have a coming out story... this one involves Chris, my brother. LOL

    When Chris was thinking about getting into this business, Lee and I talked to him about the things we did. BUT, we left out a big piece - that we were together. Now this was my choice... Chris is my big brother, and I wasn't sure I wanted to say anything to him. It was my hangup and nothing to do with Chris.

    Well the time came for the January 2003 Internext and we suggested Chris come to see what it was all about.

    Lee point blank told me a week before we left it was time to talk to Chris about "us" and who I was in the industry. Still nervous about it, I said not yet. Everyday Lee said talk to Chris, I said not yet. Again this was something in my head, nothing more.

    The show came and we did what we do... meeting people, dinners and all. But this was the first show Lee and I were officially a couple. SO, needless to say we were recieivng congrats and well wished from our friends in the industry. Chris was there but seemed to be out of ear shot each time UNTIL...

    We walked up to Twinkley of the AdultWebmaster.com In her most enthusiastic and loving way she greeted us warmly and shouted, "Gary-Alan is this your significant other, Lee?!" And she showered us with hugs, kisses and very warm wishes.

    Part of me dropped inside. I wasn't sure what to do, say or how to handle it... Chris heard this one, for sure. And all I could do was turn to Chris, look him in right in the eyes and say, "You knew that already didn't ya?" At which he responded, "Ah, come on. Yeah... I knew." We laughed and went on with the show, dinner and had a great time.

    Now fast forward a year... Chris is not only working in the adult industry, he's our CFO. Lee and his "Brother-in-law" cause me nothing but grief. They work together, they are close, they are drinking buddies when they get together and they chase down midgets when I'm not looking (another story altogether).

    It's something I never thought about until that moment, but I think about a lot now - I'm truly blessed with a great family.

    Hugs,
    GA


  4. #4
    You do realize by 'gay' I mean a man who has sex with other men?
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    Originally posted by Gary-Alan
    and they chase down midgets when I'm not looking
    Ahh the memories :thumbsup:

    Regards,

    Lee


  5. #5
    Jasun
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    Originally posted by Gary-Alan
    and they chase down midgets when I'm not looking
    Wait... Spankings AND midgets?

    Can I come visit you guys?


  6. #6
    Have an idea and make it come to life! Gary-Alan's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Jasun
    Wait... Spankings AND midgets?

    Can I come visit you guys?
    Anytime Jasun! hehehehehe We do know how to have fun! LOL


  7. #7
    TopBucks_Juan
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    Both stories so far are great. Thank you Jasun and thank you Gary-Alan. Oh and by the way Gary, I was talking about the family I have created for myself. That includes, you and Lee and Chris and the newest member to my family is Jasun. All those that share their lives with me and each other, I consider to be my family. So with that, Thanks guys. [Juan gathers everyone together for a group hug]

    :sunny: :sunny: :sunny: :sunny: :sunny: :sunny: :sunny: :sunny: :sunny:


  8. #8
    Chris Alan
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    Originally posted by Lee
    Ahh the memories :thumbsup:

    Regards,

    Lee

    Ah yes the midgets:ohoh:


  9. #9
    Moderator Bec's Avatar
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    I was 37 before I actually verbally told my mom I was gay. I was in the process of a long term relationship breaking up, and all I can really remember was sitting on the phone, sobbing, and finally said why I was so hurt ... Her response: "Well, I'm glad you finally told me, I've known since you were 18 ..."

    Think my reply was, "Well, I wish you'd of told me! Would have saved me a lot of years of grief trying to figure it all out!"

    I never did get to tell my father, he passed away before I had the courage, but I later talked with his girlfriend and she said he had known. I realize now he did, and it was ok ... he always welcomed whomever I was with, and made them feel right at home... but then, that was the kind of guy my father was.

    My siblings ... that's pretty fucked up... they're all half brothers and sisters ... my sister is gay, 2 brothers probably should be ... youngest brother could give a rats ass about who I love, he's there for me no matter what. The other 3 brothers are barely polite to my partner, although they have been a bit better about it since stepdad butthead passed on. Now there was a real redneck asshole. Made sure to slam gays in some manner whenever I was in hearing range. But God he worshipped the ground my sister walked on... to the point of coaching her softball team. Tri State Winners several years running.

    To this day I laugh my ass off when I remember the funeral home having to open another room to accomodate all the visitors.... most of them "girls from the team". I'm surprised my gaydar didn't break that night... cause it never stopped pinging!

    Life is certainly a strange journey.


  10. #10
    Have an idea and make it come to life! Gary-Alan's Avatar
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    Originally posted by TopBucks_Juan
    Oh and by the way Gary, I was talking about the family I have created for myself. That includes, you and Lee and Chris and the newest member to my family is Jasun. All those that share their lives with me and each other, I consider to be my family. So with that, Thanks guys. [Juan gathers everyone together for a group hug]

    :sunny: :sunny: :sunny: :sunny: :sunny: :sunny: :sunny: :sunny: :sunny:
    Thank you SO much for that Juan! That means more to me than you will ever know, sweetie.

    My best,
    Gary-Alan


  11. #11
    timothyb
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    Coming out in my family was sort of an after thought as my mother and father had already had to experience this five other times from my two brothers and three sisters who came out before me.:grin:

    Maybe it was something in the water where I grew up, or maybe we were touched by an angel when we were little (not by a priest), but being coming out as being gay wasn't such a huge deal in my family. We had dealt with more serious issues such as cancer, death, mental illness and so coming out wasn't as difficult for us. Of course the big fear that my Dad had over being gay was that if you were gay you automatically get AIDS. Well after I came out to him as being HIV+, he did some soul searching and grew up too. He wasn't knowledgable about gay stuff back then but my siblings have educated him pretty darn well. At 82 years old he's feisty yet loves us no matter what..


  12. #12
    TopBucks_Juan
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    Wow!! These are some really good stories. Especially that last one by timothyb. I guess it's different for different folks and the way that they are raised. Obviously timothyb grew up around love and acceptance; unlike myself, I pride myself in not being like my parents or step-parents, who pushed me away and did nothing to raise me properly. I mean even in the little things like balancing a check book or learning how to shave. . I had to learn those things on my own. But good for those who have grown up in the love and continue to love. And good for those who are learning how to love. whewww!! I better stop before someone calls in the gay preacher man to hold church service.

    Any ways, keep sending in the wonderful stories.

    Bye for now,

    Juan


  13. #13
    Moderator Bec's Avatar
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    ::bump::


  14. #14
    Jason
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    my bad...guess i should have found this before i tried my own little attempt at a thread. thanks juan...nice to meet you


  15. #15
    mirepup
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    Wow. It's great to hear everyone's stories. Most of us have stories to tell, and who doesn't like to talk about themselves.

    Here's mine.

    I was dating this guy, my first real relationship and he kept encouraging me to come out. I was afraid. I was in a job where I knew it wouldn't be 100% accepted and it worried me. I didn't want to tell my family for the usual reasons, although I knew I wouldn't be shunned. Now, in hindsight, this wasn't the best guy to take advice from. He actually went on the Jerry Springer show. HULLO? But that's another story.

    So, I decided to go for it. I came out to nearly everyone I know over one weekend. The timing was interesting. Sunday was Father's day and Monday was my 30th birthday.

    My family was cool, my mom cried and spent a long time "worrying" afterword. I don't know why but she's my mom so that's 90% of it. My brother and his wife said they figured. My dad just accepted it like it was nothing. Which is cool.

    1 of my good friends said "I don't understand it and don't like it, but that doesn't change anything - we're still buds."

    Another friend who had totally freaked when another friend came out had me really worried. He told me he spent a long time thinking about it and talking to his wife. In the end he chose our friendship over his concerns.

    Overall - no problems. It was a nervewracking weekend, but extremely cathartic. I've never looked back. I don't flaunt my sexuality to everyone, but don't ever deny it or pretend to be straight.

    I wish everyone could have the kind of support I found.


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