Well, Ang, you've done it again...
You've managed to take otherwise strong, proud and enduring Hollywood Staples and turn them into whiney and spineless turds. Your characters all have superpowers of some sort, like flying through the air while awkwardly flailing their arms, turning into big boogers or having really great gay sex, but you still manage to make them all into wimps. I'm impressed with your track record.
You've done it to Martial Arts Warriors, making them all irritating, obnoxious, annoying and just plain boring people... The only part of Crouching Tiger worth seeing was at the end when that chick finally offed herself. I had felt like doing it for the back 2 thirds of the movie. Fuck, I hated that bitch.
You've done it to Comic book heros, with your abominable "Hulk" which is quite possibly the movie that took the crown of "Worst comic book adaptation" away from "Spawn". Not an easy thing to do. In your inept hands, Bruce Banner was just a hansom twit who was unable to find his nads with a magnifying glass. Seeing him whine and wimper and moan his way through his "Oh-So-Unfair" life and then turn into that Green thing (which was supposed to be The Incredible Hulk but seemed more like that Toenail Fungus thing from the TV commercial) for no apparent reason was just painful.
Well, congratulations. You've done it yet again. You've now taken cowboys and turned them into whiney, wimpy, spineless losers. Not able to actually be "gay", they need to go through all that "I'm not queer but I'll take it in the ass from you" shit.. hey it was the 60s.. I get it... and then they marry women. But once that's all said and done, they just whine and wimper and cry and sneak and secretly love each other through the years.. but even when the sad truth is discovered, nothing really happnes.. shit, nothing really changes. Their wives just kinda help them cover it all up because hey - they're spineless too.
Sure, it's got some good performances in it, and yeah, I really did care for a bit, but eventually, I get tired of seeing people who just need to stand up for themselves instead choose to just roll over and play dead.
**Major Spoiler Alert**
And to just drive it home that these people deserve all the pain and suffering heaped upon them, they can't even tell the truth once one of them is beaten to death. Once a lame-ass liar, always a lame-ass liar I guess. I suppose that if one is a lame-ass, spineless, sneaky, whiney, wimpy, lying turd who'd rather be miserable than be happy, I'm sure you'll see a bit of yourself in this movie.
The rest of us will just walk out of the theater happy that we have nads.
I'm going to be nice and give this 2/5
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