To those of you with children

To those of you who have children in your lives, whether they are your own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle.

Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.


After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"


"Don't what?" Adam replied.


"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.


"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"


"No Way!"


"Yes way!"


"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.


"Why"


"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was angry! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.


"Uh huh," Adam replied.


"Then why did you?" said the Father.

"I don't know," said Eve.

"She started it!" Adam said


"Did not!"


"Did too!"


"DID NOT!"



Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.



BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?



THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!


1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.
Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.


2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.


3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.


4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.


5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.


6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.


ADVICE FOR THE DAY:

Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.



AND FINALLY:



IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:




"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

That's cute... I just got this one, thought I'd share it here :)

Enjoy.

A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she
presented each child in her class the first half of a well-known proverb
and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders.
Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these
are first graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!


1. Don't change horses..........................until they stop running.
2. Strike while the.......................................bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before.....................Daylight Savings Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of ....... termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but ....... how?
6. Don't bite the hand that ....................... looks dirty.
7. No news is................................................ impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a ............................. Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new ............. math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ........... stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust ..................... me.
12. The pen is mightier than the ................... pigs.
13. An idle mind is...............................the best way to relax.
14. Where there’s smoke there's ................ pollution.
15. Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is ..................... not much.
17. Two's company, three's ........................... the Musketeers
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what .............you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and .......you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as ................. Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not ......... spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don’t succeed ....................... get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you ....... see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind ................ get out of the way.


And the WINNER and last one!
25. Better late than.....................................pregnant.

I like those

One day in the Garden of Eden G-d watched as Adam washed himself along the riverside.

The Lord looked down and asked Adam .. are you happy My son.

Oh yes Father, Adam replied. How could I want for more? The food is plentiful and the weather couldn't be better.

The Lord smiled down on his first born and asked .. is there anything else you are pleased about dear boy?

Oh yes Father said Adam. Eve is so wonderful, and just taught me all about sex. I was just washing off after our hours of lovemaking when you appeared.

Oh Shit! said the Lord.

I'll never get the smell off those fish.