What's your funniest anecdote about a customer?

I'll share a few to get the ball rolling...

1. The guy in NY who sounded like Tony Soprano... obsessed with "derriers" and grilling me about what the asses of certain models looked like up close. Then asking for autographed pics of selected model's asses, making sure that the writing was on the back so it didn't obscure the ass.

2. The 78 y/o man in WI who needed his videos delivered on a specific day because he was afraid his 92 y/o sister would "out" him if she saw them.

3. The man in CA who spoke with 1 second gaps between words, like he was a stroke victim or something, who went on and on and on about his oil and gas wells, and how he would buy ME a plane ticket to CA when he struck it rich. Then he informed me that he was naked during the entire phone call.

4. The woman in SC who needed videos delivered to her beach house on a specific day, because her husband and kids would not be there that day and she didn't want them to find out she masturbated to gay porn.

Customers... bless 'em all!

When you hang your shingle out in CyberTown, you never knows what Might come knocking. I'm sittin around .. chattin' with my gents on Yahoo .. when this pops up in my window .. I have chaged the knuckheads's nick

idiot_man: Do you havce any experience with male chastity? IS there anyway out of these things?

madame_knows: I think the time you should know how to get out of something.. is before you agree to put it on

idiot_man I agreed to wear this for my ex wife. I owe her back support
idiot_man she was going to take me to Domestic relations

madame_knows: lol
idiot_man: Now I have until New Years

madame_knows: now I've heard it all
madame_knows: I'm going to save this chat window to show to my hubby ..
madame_knows: he wouldn't believe me if I told him

idiot_man: great

idiot_man Do you have any experience with these things?
madame_knows: no .. I don't believe in chasity
madame_knows: I suggest you get a dremmel tool and start thinking hard

idiot_man I want to get out and back in again without being detected
madame_knows: well you are fucked

idiot_man If she finds out I'm screwed
idiot_man I've been in it for a week and I'm going nuts

madame_knows: I think that you'd win what ever case went before a jury
madame_knows: guilty or not

madame_knows: You should call my Keen line so I can humilate you

idiot_man: It would help if I could figure out which one I'm in
idiot_man: there are hundreds
idiot_man: it's not a cb300, 200 or a curve I know that much
idiot_man: it's not made of metal

madame_knows: You'll have to excuse me
madame_knows: I already told you I know nothing about those devices

idiot_man: you talk like a guy
idiot_man: okay
idiot_man: thanks anyway

madame_knows: And you my dear are an idiot
madame_knows: thanks for the laughs

idiot_man: hope you and your husband have a laugh at my expense
idiot_man: you should see this friggin thing
idiot_man: it's huge

madame_knows: good luck .. sounds like you need to buy some benidrill .. it's gona get itchy


I swear ... I almost coughed up a lung .. even if some wanker fantasy, it still made me giggle. Might make a good story.

Title suggestions anyone?

The guy who called claiming to be Tom Cruise's agent and was going to put one of our guys in the movies and make him a star, but he had to have his personal phone number because he didn't like to deal with other agents.

When I told him that we never give out personal numbers, he got beligerant.

I told him that he's under exclusive contract with us, so he's not going to be able to do any work anyway. He begged for his phone nubmer anyway and then finally broke down and said "Ok, I'm going to level with you... I'm straight and engaged, but I want to have sex with a guy just once before I get married, and he's the type of guy I want. And since he's in porn, he's obviosuly the kind of guy who would take money for sex."

I explained that no, he did solo porn for us and that he wasn't even gay, would NOT be taking money for sex, and that there was no way that I would give out his number anyway.

Well, the guy went NUTS. He then went back to his original offer of putting him in the movies. He said that we might have him under contract for porn, but that we had no control over any non-porn that he might want to do.

When I explained that we had control over anything he did porn or no, he said "That's not FAIR!! you're taking the decision away from him!! if he knew what you were doing, he'd leave you in a second"

Which is when I explained that he had already made the decision to just work for us and that he woudln't be able to leave us until his contract ran out in a year and a half.

He DEMANDED that I let him come to the phone (you know, because the models just hang out all day at the studio), and when I woudln't allow that, he threatened to call the FBI becuase we were holding him against his will.

He sent a bunch of threatening emails and made a few more phone calls, but we just played with him a bit before telling him that we knew both his cell and work number and would be calling his work to ask that he stop calling us. (HE did, amazingly enough, work for a talent agent here in Hollywood)

We didn't hear from him again.:signhere:

Well, let's see.

There's the guy that called asking detailed questions about the models on our foot site, which started out innocently enough, but then got to questions about how much their feet smelled and whether they had toe jam (I politely demurred on both and ended the call...)

Then there was the guy who "owned several video stores" but his only address was his home... and he seemed satisfied with the pricing when AJ told him we'd give him 10% off on 50 or more videos (just to see if he was real... and he wasn't)

And the guy that called after joining our site and said he knew lots of cute boys and would scout for us, but as soon as I told him that we absolutely prohibit our scouts from hitting on/having sex with/otherwise acting inappropriately with the models, his interest inexplicably cooled.

Oh... and the guy who called 25 times in a row, 2 minutes apart, and left voice messages requesting a call back about a catalog... who, when AJ reached them, apologized because he had a memory problem and if he didn't write down that he called, he wouldn't remember... and he'd forgotten to write down that he'd called us (25 times, no less.)

OMG! Now those are some funny stories! :)

I just remembered the guy who called up to tell us that his girlfriend had found his DVDs and she'd left him, and he wanted a refund for his trouble.


We had a guy who called claiming to own an internet video sales company, saying that he sold all of his videos through email and therefore didnt' have a website (when I asked him how they would place online orders without a website, he said they would email them in), and wanted "20-30" of our DVDs as a product sample to give "The Board Members". Claimed he was going to place orders for at least 10,000 pieces a month.

Oh man.. I'm sure we could all go on and on and on.

Since I only work with webmasters I can't really divulge any particular details, but years ago when I as at a different company, I had a guy who wanted to buy a bunch of content and demanded that it be the newest and best we had, that I give him a money back guarantee that his site would be 100% successful with it and that I sell it to him for half off. LOL!

I sell content, but I'm not a miracle worker. I told him "I can give you great stuff but what you do with it is up to you". Geeze.

Don, I'm reminded of the time you got that guy who called and wanted to be content..well, you don't make content, so you refered him to me, hoping I'd be able to send him in the right direction.

well, he called me, and said he wanted to be in "porno".

And when I said "Well, what did you want to do?"

he said "Porno".

and I'm like "no.. I mean, solo or hardcore"

and he said "Will the director be naked too?"

and I said "No, what kind of adult content were you interested in being in?"

and he said "porno".

I didnt' really get anywhere with him, I'm afraid.

Madame, that chastity story is too funny. That reminded me of another story. I help out at my friend's leather shop from time to time and we had this cute cute cute 18 year old boy come in asking about chastity devices. He said his Master had bought him the CB2000 from us but he kept getting out of it.

http://www.cb3000.co.uk/images/cb2000c.jpg

Well, my coworker and I went through the list of possible problems with him. Is the ring too small? Is it on too tight? Have you tried this and that? According to his answers there was no reason for it to be coming off. Finally he said very innocently, "well, first I manage to get one ball out and if I wiggle...", we stopped him right there. "You're wiggling yourself out of it?," my co-worker said. "You're not supposed to do that? Part of the idea of chastity is that you submit yourself to it willingly". The boy shook his floppy skater's hair out of his face, rolled his big brown eyes, and said, "C'mon. I'm 18 years old. What do you expect???"

I gotta say that some people really need this whole "Master and Servant" thing explained to them a little more.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jasun

I gotta say that some people really need this whole "Master and Servant" thing explained to them a little more.

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He's a good kid, though. He's done more things at 18 than I've done at 36! Kids today. Sheesh.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jasun

Don, I'm reminded of the time you got that guy who called and wanted to be content..well, you don't make content, so you refered him to me, hoping I'd be able to send him in the right direction.

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LOL! Yikes, sorry. I owe you a cocktail for that one.