25 Things to do in Walmart
1. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
2. Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
4. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible ''Sex and Candy''
5. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, ''I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens.
6. Walk up to complete strangers and say, ''Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!...'' etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
7. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, ''Who BUYS this shit, anyway?''
8. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
9. Put M&M's on layaway.
10. Move ''Caution: Wet Floor'' signs to carpeted areas.
11. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
12. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, ''...I'm Batman. Come, Robin -- to the Batcave!"
13. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, ''Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
14. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, ''Red Rover!''
15. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
16. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
17. While no one's watching, quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
18. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from ''Mission: Impossible.'
19. Fill an entire cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
20. Set up a ''Valet Parking'' sign in front of the store.
21. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like ''the fat man walks alone,'' and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
22. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, ''No, no! It's those voices again!''
23. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
24. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
25. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., ''Do you have any Shnerples here?''
