Brokeback Mountain - the Jasun Review... **Major Spoiler Alert**
Well, Ang, you've done it again...
You've managed to take otherwise strong, proud and enduring Hollywood Staples and turn them into whiney and spineless turds. Your characters all have superpowers of some sort, like flying through the air while awkwardly flailing their arms, turning into big boogers or having really great gay sex, but you still manage to make them all into wimps. I'm impressed with your track record.
You've done it to Martial Arts Warriors, making them all irritating, obnoxious, annoying and just plain boring people... The only part of Crouching Tiger worth seeing was at the end when that chick finally offed herself. I had felt like doing it for the back 2 thirds of the movie. Fuck, I hated that bitch.
You've done it to Comic book heros, with your abominable "Hulk" which is quite possibly the movie that took the crown of "Worst comic book adaptation" away from "Spawn". Not an easy thing to do. In your inept hands, Bruce Banner was just a hansom twit who was unable to find his nads with a magnifying glass. Seeing him whine and wimper and moan his way through his "Oh-So-Unfair" life and then turn into that Green thing (which was supposed to be The Incredible Hulk but seemed more like that Toenail Fungus thing from the TV commercial) for no apparent reason was just painful.
Well, congratulations. You've done it yet again. You've now taken cowboys and turned them into whiney, wimpy, spineless losers. Not able to actually be "gay", they need to go through all that "I'm not queer but I'll take it in the ass from you" shit.. hey it was the 60s.. I get it... and then they marry women. But once that's all said and done, they just whine and wimper and cry and sneak and secretly love each other through the years.. but even when the sad truth is discovered, nothing really happnes.. shit, nothing really changes. Their wives just kinda help them cover it all up because hey - they're spineless too.
Sure, it's got some good performances in it, and yeah, I really did care for a bit, but eventually, I get tired of seeing people who just need to stand up for themselves instead choose to just roll over and play dead.
**Major Spoiler Alert**
And to just drive it home that these people deserve all the pain and suffering heaped upon them, they can't even tell the truth once one of them is beaten to death. Once a lame-ass liar, always a lame-ass liar I guess. I suppose that if one is a lame-ass, spineless, sneaky, whiney, wimpy, lying turd who'd rather be miserable than be happy, I'm sure you'll see a bit of yourself in this movie.
The rest of us will just walk out of the theater happy that we have nads.
I'm going to be nice and give this 2/5
WSJ: an Open, Epic Sweep To Cowboys' Hidden Love
by Joe Morgenstern in today's Wall Street Journal
One of the best lines in Ang Lee's beautiful "Brokeback Mountain" is the last line of the spare Annie Proulx short story that the movie was adapted from: "If you can't fix it you've got to stand it." The it is the dilemma faced by two cowboys, Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist. Ennis and Jack, who are played by Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal, love each other passionately. Yet they can't live together in the Marlboro Country of the 1960s and 1970s, so they try to hide their love behind shaky façades of heterosexual domesticity. The it is also the love itself, which at first seems baffling to these two manly men, as if it were a thing apart, rather than the force that gives meaning to their lives. Love stories come and go, but this one stays with you -- not because both lovers are men, but because their story is so full of life and longing, and true romance.
The film takes its own good time getting started. Ennis and Jack meet when they're hired to herd sheep on the mountain of the title. Soon they've got all the time in the world to savor the glories of alpine Wyoming -- crystalline skies, wildflowers, snow showers, a slow-moving tide of sheep alongside a fast-running stream. They become part of the landscape, a pair of lonely, overgrown boys with tales of failure to tell and energy to burn. (Ennis, the taciturn one, turns downright garrulous in Jack's presence.) Their first sexual encounter grows out of huddling together in a pup tent to keep warm. It's explosive, animalistic and so unbidden that both men hasten to agree it was a "one-shot thing." Yet their bond will endure for a decade, which the film spans with bold leaps that may initially seem like disjunctures. "Brokeback Mountain" aspires to an epic sweep and achieves it, though with singular intimacy and grace.
Movies made from short stories often seem thin; it's usually sprawling novels that provide rich detail and texture. This one is an exception, thanks to the superb adaptation by Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana, but Ang Lee's film is exceptional in other ways. The Taiwan-born director works like an American master; every nuance feels right, every scene has its rewards and surprises. As for the performances, they range from superb to superlative. It's no news that Jake Gyllenhaal is a fine actor, and his Jack is a mercurial mix of plain, poetic and practical. But the triumph is that of Heath Ledger, a young Australian who has been known until now as a hunky heartthrob. He's certainly handsome enough here, but in a touchingly bleak, self-contained way. He doesn't portray his powerful, sometimes rageful cowboy so much as release him -- slowly, quietly, tactfully, economically, even reluctantly, or so it would seem, until he has outed Ennis's lyrical soul.
Is America ready for Marlboro men who love men? That remains to be seen, but "Brokeback Mountain" ought to be seen for the stirring entertainment that it is. Anne Hathaway and Michelle Williams are eloquent as, respectively, Jack's and Ennis's uncomprehending wives. Rodrigo Prieto's camera feasts on the lovely simplicity of Judy Becker's production design, while letting the scenery sing for itself. Gustavo Santaolalla's score reflects the film as a whole -- it's simultaneously spare and deeply affecting.