What Kinds of Gay Sex Are There?
More from Dan Savage
Longtime reader, first-time writer.
In last week’s column, there was a letter from JON, a young, just-out gay kid who is not ready for anal sex. Please excuse a question from a naive-but-well-meaning/curious straight guy . . . but what other kinds of gay sex are there? Just hands-on and oral, kind of like what we hetero folks do? Or are there other things that would blow my plain-vanilla-sex mind?
Dumb-Ass White Guy
Savage: You mean straight people haven’t heard of ear-holin’ and nose-bangin’ and socket-fuckin’ and piss-slittin’ and ann-coulterin’? You gotta get out more, DAWG.
Actually, there are no mysterious gay sex acts, nothing that we can do that you can’t do better. And there are things we can’t do at all. We can call it “boypussy” and “mangina” all we want, but two gay men aren’t going to do vaginal intercourse as well as a hetero couple, and lesbians who want to snowball have to resort to cream-cheese frosting cut with a little skim milk. The only pronounced difference between gay and straight sex—besides the hotness—is that most gay folks regard “hands-on” and oral as “real sex,” not as disappointing consolation prizes we’re handed when “real” sex, i.e., fucking, isn’t in the offing.
Straight people—particularly straight men—would do well to emulate queers in this regard. The more things you consider “real” sex, and the more things you consider hot sex, the more real, hot sex you’ll be having.
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So would you agree with this?
