The wedding trip

6 months before the trip I started to get the car ready for the trip, 4 Pirelli all season tires, new battery, new alternator, brakes front and rear, 4 Monroe struts, special extra white head lights, special wiper blades, new GPs Magellan 4350,oil change, So you think the car is ready well, no! Three days before the trip I picked up a steel rod in the tire and blow the steel belt, tire replace, then some one tried to break into the cart and broke the door handle, so I’m ready now, well I hope?
Emptied out the trunk of the car and made sure there was noting in it. No tools from the day job, and nothing the dog could eat. Yes a 13 hour drive with a dog that just hates the car and going any where in it!
Ok so its Friday the day before the trip and I had to make sure all my tools where out of the car and that everything was working, radar detector ,satellite radio, GPS was programmed, full tank of gas and check the oil, plus kick the tires to make sure they weren’t going to fall off.

The trip, woke up late, and all I could hear in my head was click click click because I wanted to be on the road by 4:30 AM not 6 am, oh well. Had to keep on saying to myself you are on vacation and you will be able to make up some time on the road, maybe. Packed the trunk up, dog blanket back seat, some of her toys, her food, bottled water for her bowl, some coffee for me from 7-11. 6 pm before I sat in the seat to drive, but I’m ready, coffee in the holder Marlboro’s on the dashboard and the dog wineing none stop. Yes let the road trip begin! I did notice that it was like 70 degrees and 80% humidity.
All going good, making great time flying and I do mean flying down the highway, first stop the 3rd MacDonald’s on CT. I needed a break and the dog needed to go for a walk. The next stop was in Massachusetts much need rest stop for both of us and the car only used up a little more then half a tank of gas. 80 degrees wow!
Then Maine hit the killer state that’s 1/3 the trip right there! Second rest stop for gas coffee food dog walk and asked the question, how much longer to Houlton and was told 3 ½ to 4 hours ouch! The funny thing here is I walked up to one cute Asian girl and asked her the question where is Houlton, and in a mans voice she answer I have no idea. Yes a tranny in the middle of no where, come to think of it all the people where Asian working in this rest area? Houlton finally comes around and its time for Dunkin donuts, gas and the dog walk. Ten more minutes and I’m at the check point, Canada! God its like 50 degrees now with a wind blowing!
Get out my passport, the dogs health papers, and I’m ready to have the car searched. Happens every time. I’m told to pull over and let the car search begin. Now you have to understand that Canada customs they are all young people in there early 20’s so you are dealing with kids. One of the kids opens up the center glove box and says we found weed, pot! All I could do is say Bullshit! You are lying. I told them I install fire alarms and burglar alarms and my finger prints are on file with the local police department you think I’M going to throw away my career for pot? They did a drug test and it wasn’t pot, they pulled apart my Nikon and checked the pictures on the flash card. The funny part was they opened up the dog’s bag and found a can opener and spoons. They must have thought they hit pay dirt with that. Why do you have spoons and a can opener? You do heavy duty drugs? I blasted back you ever ask in a hotel if they have a can opener for caned dog food, and what am I going to do use my finger to get the food out and break it up? Now I’m in a room being questioned by a kid in his early 20’s, a real screaming queen, you know the type the kind that every Saturday takes it in the butt, lololololololoolo. Same questions, copies my drivers Lic, the dogs papers, asks how much money I have, what I do for a living, why am I going to Canada, how long, takes down my debit card numbers, I have to show him how much cash I have on me, then tells me to wait outside. 10 minutes later he says have a great time.
2 ½ more hours and I’m finally there, out pops Eric with bag in hand and off to the hotel!

I’m going to skip throw the next few days, sorry. But I will tell you that Tim Holton coffee is like drinking sewer water, how do people drink that never mind.

Ok have to deal with TD bank now to open up a joint account and have Eric added to my business account. Ok you would think it it’s a no brainier wouldn’t you but no. Opening up the joint account was easy, no problem both of us had out passports so that tock like 20 minutes, now for the business account, what a pain in the ass. I couldn’t ass Eric onto the account because they needed a signature card signed and it had to be signed in front of a TD Banker. Ok the Canada banker calls the American help line, and they ask me all kinds of questions only to be told they don’t give out account numbers over the phone. The Banker looked at me and said you go throw this, and all I can do is answering yes. Calls my branch bank and they have to fax the signature card up to us, so that was done, tock like 1 ½ hours for simple nothing.

Eric needed to rent a truck so he could move his things into storage, this is marriage day, and could this all be done in one day, move get married? Read on and find out. Time is very short wed have to leave for Toronto the next day. We go to the court hours to find out, we need to go to DMV to get the Lic., then come back to get anther peace of paper, and then find a judge to marry us? SHIT! Sitting at the DMV waiting to be called up, I started calling judges on my second try I found one that would marry us at the court hours at noon, ok the clock is ticking away, got the Lic. By 11:30 RUN BACK TO THE COURT HOUSE ONLY TO FIND OUT WE NEED TWO WITNESSES. Oh No Shit!!!!!! I run into one office and beg two ladies there, and if you know me I do have a sliver tongue when needed. Yes, they said they would do it, One of the ladies at the court house that had to type up the paper work for NB, said I have never seen anyone get this done so fast, they don’t know new Yorkers!!!!! Eric is a very private person and didn’t want to do it outside, but with the three ladies working on him it was going o be done outside. I have to admit I always wanted to be married outside. It was nice real nice the two ladies that helped us out where angles! They gave up there lunch hour for us and wouldn’t take money, or lunch or anything. We owe them so much! Ok so now I’m a married man in the rest of the world but not my home country!

The drive from NB to Toronto.
Found out it was a 15 hour drive, oh no!!!!! I’m beginning to hate the car myself the dog will not even go near the car. I had to call my Vet to find out what to do about the dog, she is pissing blood but its kind of clear. So now my trip is cut short by two days to rush the dog back to New York. Ok now I remember we don’t have a hotel room, I ask did you make a reservation at that hotel that I showed you. No it cost too much 98.00 so here we are in-between Quebec and Toronto no hotel room. Plus we would be getting in at 9 or 10 pm. Call a list of places that Eric had and none would take a dog, and I was pissed our first fight as a married couple, lololooooooloooo I called Howard Johnson and found one hotel thank god! Reprogrammed the GPS and back on track. I had to give up the wheel to Eric who wanted to drive any way. So at this point we tock turns driving. Found the hotel checked in and passed out.
The next day when we where going to find a place to eat Breakfast Eric gets a call about an interview he went on for a job with a bank. They want him to come back for a second interview! They couldn’t have called a day or two earlier and saved maybe anther 15 hour drive back to NB. Well lets check out air Canada, ok killer fare but he has to go back. If I go back with him by car that would have made 44 hours in a car plus anther 13 to 14 back to New York.

Rush rush rush the next day to get him to the airport by 6 am, and let the drive for me begin again. In Buffalo there like a hundred ways to cross over and none are really marked, so I drove throw a duty free shop parking to get to one crossing. You know the US customs office there are jerks. I give the guy my US passport and the dog’s papers then I was asked what is my citizenship? I just looked at this guy wearing sunglass at 8 am, and said I’m a US citizen American can’t you see by my passport? Then he asked what the dogs papers where, ahhhhhhhhhh just search the car and get it over with! After explaining the dogs papers he said oh. Why where you in Canada? I just blasted the US government for it immigration policies and that I had to go up there to get married and see my lover! He just looked at me funny. I’m sure no has every talked to him like that before, mean time the dog is going crazy barking and carrying on. I was asked if she would bite him, I said put your hand in the car and find out. Ok drive throw was all he said. I pulled over just after the check point to walk my dog and put away my passport and a cop pulled up and asked if there was a problem, I just said no I need to walk my dog on that nice lawn, I was told I shouldn’t park here but he would stay behind me to make sure no one hits me. Nice cop. Well the drive went ok till Penn. It started to rain and I mean rain for close to 100 miles then the road construction stated up. All I could think about is how I hated the US government, hated president jack off jack ass bush, hated INS, hated andy miller, Also how I missed Eric all ready, well that started at the airport. Got to the GW Bridge and it was bumper to bumper traffic, and then the cross Bronx bumper to bumper, when I got to the souther state parkway it started to rain, I never saw rain like this before, you couldn’t even see the car in front of me. Maybe mother earth was telling me to go back, who knows.

Well im here now, no Eric, and I’m fighting mad about that! God do I hate the United states government and the bible right wing ass holes! By the way the story doesn’t end here! I called the Vet to ask if we could com e in earlier. I was told YOYO doesn’t have an appointment for today but next week, ahhhhhhhhhh, any way they are going to see her today.

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