The News of Year 2029
- Ozone created by electric cars is now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, Mexifornia - formally known as California.
- Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
livestock.
- Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.
- Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
- Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the
Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
- Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10
more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
- France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.
- Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, although President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
- Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
- 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight
loss.
- Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
- Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
- Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
- Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
- Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
- New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
- Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.
- Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
- IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
