A friend in need...

OK... we're all professionals here. For the most part hehe. We earn our livings and have all enjoyed varying degrees of success at any number of different professional ventures.

I was shooting the shit with a friend/business associate of mine. Non-adult business associate dating back to before I got in to the adult industry and did government/security consultant stuff. This friend/business associate owns his own company and does pretty well for himself. Dealing with dollar amounts that just leave me shaking my head in disbelief. He's pretty successful but lives very modestly and he puts just about every dollar he makes back in to his business.

I've done ok for myself as well, though hardly what I'd call "rich" by any means at all. Nowhere near it. I'm just comfortable within my means. I make what I need and spend nothing, so am able to treat myself to special things when I want them because I'm a cheap bastard day to day. And continue to do some consulting in a field totally unrelated to adult internet or my main job today that makes for a decent little bit of extra funds here and there that I squirrel away in the bank like a miser.

We got to talking about how our professional successes and lifestyles seemed to give off this impression to others that we were:

1. Rich
2. Eager to give away money

Just the other day, I had a friend ask me if I would buy him round trip airfare because he wanted to fly off to the East Coast for someone's birthday party. I've had acquantances ask if I would make a downpayment on a car for them. Or cosign a credit card for them. Or pay off their credit card debt or student loans. Some of these people were people I'd only met a couple of times and didn't even know that well but all of a sudden come out of nowhere to ask me for lots of money.

He was telling me about how just tonight he had someone he's only met twice ask to borrow $5000. And has also had people he knew to varying degrees ask for thousands of dollars, help buying new cars and stuff like that. He recently bought a house and had someone ask if they could live in it for free. As if he doesn't have a mortgage to pay on the damn thing!

What is up with that?! Do we just know all the wrong people? Do you guys get this too?

I'm not talking about a business contact asking if you could wait an extra week before they paid you for some service rendered or a good friend you know and trust asking for a little help.

I have several friends who I know and trust well enough that if they ever asked me for any help, I'd surely give it to them. I'd not even demand they pay me back, though know them well enough to know they would make an effort to regardless. There have been close friends for whom I've taken on considerable burden to help out because we are extremely close friends and I know they'd do the same for me.

But these are random acquantances or people we don't know that well asking for these things. Guys we've met a couple times. Guys we've met through mutual friends and don't even know that well. Guys we went out on a couple dates with (this business acquantance of mine is gay too).

How is it that someone I've met twice through other people and don't even know that well could possibly think I'd want to make a 5k downpayment on a new car for them?! Where on earth does the belief come about that is the least bit reasonable of a request to make of me?! What... the fuck?!

Do you guys get this too?

[/vent]

it was a daily occurance for me in phoenix

We/I never, ever had a friend or acquaintance ask us for a dime.

There's a total misconception that we have loads money too...partly because we own 2 houses on the same block and are building another.

The truth of the matter is, we struggle every month....

It'd be hard to help out a "good friend" even if we wanted to....though we'd sure try.

If an acquaintance or a friend I didn't know all that well asked me/us for money for bills, rent, cc debt, airfare, etc.....I'd laugh in their face and ask em what they've been smoking!

Having said that, if an acquaintance or a friend said they needed money because a pet of theirs was going to die without an operation or something like that, I'd definitely put something off of mine to help them for that!

A good rule of thumb my mother taught me =
Never loan anyone money you wouldn't be willing to give them

i hear ya brian. has happend a lot to me, expecially when i was in my mid 20s. i had "friends of friends" ask to borrow money from me... one asked my friend to ask me if she could borrow $17,000...
my problem is that too often i say yes, and then get that sort of reputation that i just give away money.

BD,

Wow, I thought that I was the only one that this happened to!
I'm probably more then a bit older then you are....I say that because I'm more then a bit older then most people I've met in our industry, and I've had good success in other businesses. I have a nice townhouse and a car. My partner has his own business and we don't believe in using credit cards just for the sake of immediate gratification. People who meet us think "these guys have money". Just like you I would do almost anything for a friend but when one of them asks us for money for a new camera, and one askes for $$ to have the hot tub fixed or a piece of artwork they just need so desperately....I really have to question that friendship. Do I look like Bank of America? I had two people ask me to bring them something specific from Berlin that they just had to have and did not offer to give me the $$ up front and didn't say a word about giving me the $$ when I got home. What's up with that???

Take heart and know that there are just folks like that in the world. Clear the rolodex of your life of these folks phone numbers and you'll be better off.

This is true: I have a friend who has no health ins. He has his own one man very successful biz and is from a wealthy family. He just refuses to spend the $$$ on the ins. Sure enough he had an emergency...kidney stones. Goes to hospital emergency room....gets A+ care and when they send him the bill he calls them and says he does not have the $$$ can he pay HALF over 12 months! They took half. He was so proud of himself he told everybody what a good negotiator he is. Oh did I mention he drives a brand new Lexus and only shops at the best shops!

Ok, you can see that your post pushed one of my buttons....enough venting for me!

"Never a borrower or a lender be." Denny Crane

Hugs,
Neil

I'm mortified.

I mean, even when I was dirt poor and living homeless in a squat, I've never once considered asking for money from anyone.

Including my exboyfriend who I had supported for six months while he was going to school.

Not even my parents, who are quite well off.. or my grandfather who was the President of Great Eastern Oil.

Ok... where the hell do people get the gaul to ask for cash from people they don't even know? I know that when people win the lottery, they have total strangers calling them up and asking for cash.. proposing marraige.. it's just bizarre to me.

Every time I've ever been over a barrel finantailly, I've just dealt with it in my own way.. I've never once considered asking anyone for anything... and I can't imagine what kind of person WOULD do such a thing.

And thank God I'm scary enough that nobody has ever asked me for a dime. Cuz assault will land your ass in the can, and this is too sweet as ass to be in the can.

HAHAHAH