... don't forget to take the gay banners off the car ... :groovy:
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... don't forget to take the gay banners off the car ... :groovy:
LOL!!! Actually, the stickers on my car are cryptic at best, unless you know me. Heh heh. And I don't think they are going to guess what the leather pride flag is. LOL!!! You know, I'll have to take a pic of the back of my car to show you all. It's quite colorful. :goof:Quote:
Originally posted by LdyLnWolf1
... don't forget to take the gay banners off the car ... :groovy:
It's pretty funny, Don, now that I think of when my parents came to visit me the first time here in Toronto. I grew up out east in a tiny little town in New Brunswick, and by the time they got to visit me, I had already moved in with my first boyfriend.
I wound up sub letting a place for the summer so I'd have a place to tell them I was living, and my friends and I managed to move in my stereo, my bed, and a bunch of clothes and posters to make it look real. I stayed there for about 3 days while they were there, but paid rent for a full four months.
My mother cleaned relentlessly, constantly bitching about how filthy the place was, buying all new cutlery, new juicers, fridge magnets, shower curtain, fire alarm... it went on and on. I'm blushing right now, and it was years ago. The guys I had rented the room from laughed about it, but I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to do.
I needn't have bothered, my sister wound up outing me to them about a month later. Bitch.
""I needn't have bothered, my sister wound up outing me to them about a month later. Bitch.""
OUCH!
And if they do know what that is... That's a whole OTHER conversation you need to have with THEM! LMAOPIPQuote:
Originally posted by Ounique
And I don't think they are going to guess what the leather pride flag is. LOL!!!
Giggles,
GA
Don my dear - I truly think you already know what to do - I have held back any comments knowing that in the end - you will know whats best for yourself and for them.
Each one of us has to face their own demons in our own way - all that I can offer you is that when you make your decision - you have someone here that you can call either way for support.
Feel free to email me and I will send you my home number that you can call anytime should the need arise so that you have a sounding board and a sincere heart to be there so we can get through this together.
Much love at this time - and my thoughts are with you
Coming out is always a *process* throughout life --- and coming out to your parents is the most difficult.
I came out to my mom in a letter when i was 18. My father found out about me by typing my name into Google a few years ago! They are both supportive, although my mother went through a period of temporary insanity for the first six months.
If you choose to do it, here's some ideas: For me, it comes down to honesty. I decided to be out to myself and everyone because I simply wanted to be honest about myself. SO I'd approach it like that -- I wouldn't come out because of the "community" or anything like that.
And if you talk to them, perhaps take it from that angle - I want to be honest with you, because I love you. Etc. You say they are catholics, well honesty is a virtue they should be able to appreciate. Start there, which would be on a positive note.
Also - if you come out, do it in a situation where you can control what happens. I don't know what would be better - your place or theirs. Like I mentioned earlier - my mother was really really weird for the first six months, then she pretty much accepted it.
Your mileage may vary.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do,
Steve
i see this has gotten quite long - i won't be offended if people skim it or skip it - honest!
don, i think you know that you are truly one of my favorite people i've met and talked to on the web in the 7+ years i've been here. you're intellegent, articulate and very eager to please others - and i think that is reflected in this situation.
the way i see it (this is only my opinion, of course) if somebody finds the real you that objectionable, they shouldn't be staying in your home. they shouldn't even be part of your life. but i realize that i live my life in a way that not everyone does or even should.
arie, who has lived through some serious parent problems, says to let you know that he would tell them. he says it's one less secret to have. on the other hand, arie's parents found me so objectionable that he finally cut all ties with them. he went through hell on that decision. he feels it worked out for him in the long run but it was very hard at the time.
you say your parents are homophobic. that means they're bigots who don't judge people based on who they are. is that true for sure? have they been put to the test? maybe they'd be okay with you being gay - not thrilled, but okay. do they know how much you work with music? that you're into fetishes? lots of straight people are, ya know. do they know you work for an adult content company? i guess what i'm asking here - do your parents know YOU?
by the way, YOU are not responsible for another adult human being's health. if they won't like you for who you are, you can build a "family" who loves you JUST the way you are. 'cause you are loveable and nice, smart and musical. you deserve acceptance and love. we all do!
in an individual situation it's uncomfortable and scary coming out to family (well, my mom is so cool i've never had a problem telling her stuff. maybe you could meet her sometime - she's nearby) but if more people would come out to their families, perhaps middle america would stop thinking that being gay is a rare thing. i think to a lot of people, unusual = scary = bad. as long as people with "different" lifestyles hide those lifestyles, our lifestyles will seem a lot more rare than they are. if it was clear that there are a lot more gay and bi people, transgendered people and people with fetish lifestyles then the average american thinks, eventually these lifestyles would seem more like lifestyles to those average americans than mad sinning orgies.
that being said, if you feel you can't, don't. you have to live in your life feeling as good as you can about it. it sounds like you are no stranger to guilt, and if that is true, you risk a lot more of it if you introduce them to the wonderful person you are. i wish you could do it - so you can be free to be yourself - but if you can't, i'll still think just as highly of you... and i hope you will, too ;-)
we all love you, sweetie!
wow @ the Google coming out. lol.
From my own experience, coming out to my parents was the most nerveracking thing I'd ever done. But all for naught! They were totally ok with it. They don't understand it, necessarily, but they don't mind it.
My father's a God-fearing, lifelong NRA member, former military officer, dedicated Republican. My mom, though Thai and from a culture for the most part accepting of homosexuals and such, is a traditionalist in the "Sons grow up, marry women, give you grandkids" kinda way. So I was totally freaked out about the prospect of coming out.
When I did, though, it was no big deal at all. They were actually happy that I'd felt comfortable enough with them to tell them. They understood my desire to be open and honest with them was a manifestation of how much I cared for them and how close we all were and are.
Now I talk about gay sex at the Thanksgiving dinner table just like my brothers talk about straight sex (3 sons, a rough and gruff father... you can only imagine what dinner conversations are like with us. It's like a frat house whenever we all get together).
Further, it's helped change their political views too. As they've both shifted left on the political spectrum when it comes to social issues and gay rights issues since I've come out. I took them to West Hollywood for Halloween a few years ago and I couldn't drag them away to leave.
"Let's go home guys!"
"No, Brian! We have to go find those male nuns again! I want a picture with them! And the giant penis! Where'd he go?!?!"
It's like nothing's changed except for the gender of the people I talk about when they hassle be about how I should settle down with someone or if I'm currently seeing anyone hehe.
So in my case, things worked out great.
But I digress. Don, everyone's situation is different of course. I'm not really saying anything others haven't said before. Just that... so long as you're comfortable with who you are and you feel your relationship with your family is how and where it should be... well that's what everyone wants so if it ain't broke, don't fix it. But if you feel something's lacking that would be taken care of by your coming out? Go for it.
I never told my grandfather about me, though just about everyone else knew. We all kinda kept it from him. We just knew he wouldn't understand. And that he was at an age where it served no purpose to share it with him. And our relationship never suffered on account of it cuz I knew that he was a product of his generation and society and that 80 years of social conditioning and life were a bit much for me to expect to be able to overcome in telling him I was gay.
You know, BD, you totally summed up my parents in that one statement. If I thought that it would somehow make our relationship better, I would tell them in a minute. But given the way they are, I don't see it happening. They are very nice people, and kind and loving, and I know that they wouldn't just boot me out of their lives. I just know from the way they act about our out gay family members that it would be something that would just always upset them. And Basschick, you are right, they don't really know me all that well. And I don't think they really want to. They love me in their own way and that is just something that I deal with. Besides, I know their strict religious views and the fact that I work in porn or do music for porn would really upset them.Quote:
Originally posted by BDBionic
I never told my grandfather about me, though just about everyone else knew. We all kinda kept it from him. We just knew he wouldn't understand. And that he was at an age where it served no purpose to share it with him. And our relationship never suffered on account of it cuz I knew that he was a product of his generation and society and that 80 years of social conditioning and life were a bit much for me to expect to be able to overcome in telling him I was gay.
I don't feel guilt over this whole thing, I've spent most of my life getting to a point where I really like who I am. And I do have a wonderful family of choice right here in LA. And believe me, I've been through some bad times recently and they have really stood by me. I guess this whole thing stems from my parents being on my "turf" so to speak. Its like, I can go into thier world and play that role but to have them come into my world and expect me to do it... It's just a little wierd. But you never know. With all the stuff going on in the world with gay marriages and the fact that I live in the gayest place on the planet, the subject may just come up. So, I'll keep you all posted.
I picked them up this morning and they are at my place watching soaps right now. They were asking me if it was okay to walk around. I told them it was okay, but now that I think about it, I live around the corner from a gay porn theater and a sextoy shop. This is going to be a very interesting two weeks!
Oh, one last thing... I was up to 2 am cleaning yesterday. I took all my gay and leather stuff over to my friend's place. So this morning I get up and go into the bathroom. I sit down and look right at my magazine rack, full of gay mags such as Frontiers, In Los Angeles and The Leather Journal. After all that, my freakin' bathroom!!! I totally didn't even think of it. LOL!
If all else fails, Don, I can swing over to your place at a predetermined time with a 6 pack of beer under one arm and a Hustler mag under the other screaming "AWWWWWWWW YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! MARCH MADNESS ON THE WAY BAY-BEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! DONNIE BOY!!! LET'S GO GET US SOME BITCHES YO!" and stratch my nuts alot.
Then when your parents ask who in the heck I am I can slap your mom's behind and say "DUDE! I NEVER KNEW YOUR MOM WAS SUCH A M.I.L.F.!!!!"
ROFLMAOPIP!!!!! You are too cute, BD. Strangely enough, one of my straight guy friends told me that if they find any leftover gay mags laying around that he would come over and pretend to be gay so he could tell them the stuff was his. LOL!!! I have 50 gay male friend and like two straight guy friends, and he volunteered for this. LOL! I love my friends.Quote:
Originally posted by BDBionic
If all else fails, Don, I can swing over to your place at a predetermined time with a 6 pack of beer under one arm and a Hustler mag under the other screaming "AWWWWWWWW YEAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! MARCH MADNESS ON THE WAY BAY-BEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! DONNIE BOY!!! LET'S GO GET US SOME BITCHES YO!" and stratch my nuts alot.
Then when your parents ask who in the heck I am I can slap your mom's behind and say "DUDE! I NEVER KNEW YOUR MOM WAS SUCH A M.I.L.F.!!!!"
Oh, and TheLegacy. Thank you so much for your kind words. I am very fortunate to have friends like you on my side. And everyone else, thank you so much for all the help, discussion and support. It's nice to hear so many different perspectives on this. It's helping a lot.
Okay guys, the saga continues...
hey, it's interesting the way everyone here blames bigotry on age. my mom is going to be 74, and was raised in a blue collar household. her brother might still love a relative if he/she came out to him, but there would be a distance, and a non willingness to discuss the matter further.
don mike - if things get found out and ya need a girl to come by and hang on you and sort of snuggle with you while meeting the parents, i can do that.
good luck with the visit!
Awwww, thanks basschick. That is very sweet of you. I've got so many offers like that, and it means so much to me. It's nice to know that people care.
You know, my friend's mom was just here and she is of a totally different ilk than my parents. He took her to Piston's for the Mr. Long Beach Leather contest. She is very supportive of his being gay and into leather and she had a lot of fun. I asked her what she thought of the bar, the people and the contest and she replied, "This is great... it reminds me of the biker parties I used to go to... but we had a lot less clothes on!" ROFLMAO!!!
You know, Don, your parents might surprise you... My parents came across as quite homophobic before I came out, and to be honest for a few years after, but they're both very active in PFLAG now, and my mother marshalled a Gay Pride Parade in Moncton, NB last year, and was a keynote speaker the year before.
I'm not trying to talk you into telling them, I think you've made up your mine there, but I think that you shouldn't dread them finding out, or since you think they already know, it becoming a conversation. Parents are a lot smarter than we give them credit for being. Whatever happens, good luck. Wish I was out there in LA right now.