Am I the only one that gets crazy emails from surfers?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BeachBoi_Rocky

How about:

"Although the video is amateur, the videographer is highly skilled at what he does from years of patience and practice. For your own safetly, we suggest that you do not try this at home or on friends and relatives."

:-)

Rocky

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I'm such a dunce when it comes to this kind of stuff. That is a great answer Rocky I love it, and believe it or not, I will use it! Thanks again :high:

A company I worked for in the past used to get phone calls on the mail order line wanting phone sex or they would j/o while asking detailed questions about the movies and models. (Questions like how big is his cock, does he like to get fuck by big cocks, how big of a cock does he take, etc.)

There where a couple crazy fans that stalked a couple of the models. One even jumped on a plane to meet the model because they where “in love” and they where sure that if the he (the model) met him then he would surely fall in love too.

I always get some straight guy callin due to his 'problems' with video, yet I can hear him slappin his monkey around (gee, sounds like everything is working fine).
To that, I always tell them [EXCUSE] the call is costing them money (long distance charges) and that I will send them instructions via e-mail once I have viewed the server logs for blah blah blah [/EXCUSE].

I also get girls and guys calling asking if I am one of the models and if I'd be interested in trading pictures.

My fav is when the smart ones send pics, from the addy on file, and they change the reply address. Oh yah, you fooled me.

The worst one ever was from a recently deflowered Asian woman that was being abused by her boyfriend: he had a membership to one of the beyond gonzo sites and would try the acts on her. Of course, she did not want to lose him cause he really loved her and yadda-yadda, so she obliged.

But when they piss me off, I simply retort with bonus access to the opposite of what they joined ... oh, your straight ... here is some free access to Monster Gay Cocks ... oh, your gay, here is some free access to Lesbian Dreamland.

ROFL that's some sick messsages. Especially the 75 yo + body fluid one

I'm doing some work for an internet dating site that offers online personals. You know, you sign up and you can contact people...pretty simple, right? Apparently not to many people who e-mail us:

"How can I meet women in Albania. Send me phone numbers please."

How can they figure out how to e-mail us but not understand the basic conept of the site?

I also like the pointless e-mails:

"You are pretty."

Do these people have nothing better to do than send totally random meaningless messages to big online companies?

My cat's breath smells like catfood

Oops, I should have e-mailed that to you.

i used to get tons of emails demanding i cancel their memberships (i only owned free sites at the time). the surfers don't realize when they click a link or banner that they're leaving your site. so they basically hold you responsible for anything and everything they join, like or dislike.

I can see that you guys get the same funny shit we do.

How about the ones who join one of our website newsletter lists and send us an email every two minutes waiting for their free password and then calling us frauds for not sending the password. We try to explain that there's a difference between purchasing a membership and entering their email address for a free weekly newsletter and the fact that there's no text intimating or indicating that we are in any way offering free memberships. They just won't see it that way. I guess 1 plus 1 doesn't always equal 2 with some of these guys.

And how many of you have received the idiotic complaints from guys who just watched 10 hours of video on your site (we track that on a continuous basis) and only then do they decide they don't like it and want their money back, then go further by stating that they're an attorney will sue our company and report us (to who I have no idea) and further go on to sign as an attorney. We've contacted some of those "firms" and ask for the guy and they never know who the person is and the rest of the time the firm doesn't exist. When we get a nut like that we just ask him to send a letter to our offices and we'll refund the money- never, ever received a letter in 10 years. It goes on and on and as soon as I have a chance will post some of the super crazy ones. It's great for a laugh.... or should I be very scared :wacko:

Here's a couple which go back to 2002, I have to pull my archive back to get to the ones from 96. These are pasted right from the original. Names are x'd out.

Here's an entrepreneur:
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Date:
Fri, 26 Apr 2002 23:23:03 -0700 (PDT)

Hi if I bought your videos can I use them on my gay website?

Thanks,
Mark Exxxxxx

===================================
Sure Mark and I'll just close my site down :goofy:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Here's a kindly response from an obvious fan of an old site of ours "TeenSexHouse.com". First note that we never send out an unsolicited email (except for about 100 total in 1996 and this email is from 2002). These go to double opt in addresses only and email addresses are exclusive to us, but this was probably found by some irate parent, office mate etc. Don't you think a simple click on the cancel link would do it:

Subject:
FUCK YOU CUNT WHATS THE PROBLEM WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

Date:
Sat, 31 Aug 2002 12:58:07 +0100


DON'T SEND ME THIS FUCKING CRAP EVER AGAIN. YOU CUNT, MOTHER FUCKER.

================================================== ===
And on the same subject here's a word from another fine surfer, different website - an honestly we never spam. And we give a warning in the newsletter prior to them clicking on the link to the free samples of exactly what they are going to see and we popup another age check before sending them to the page.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++
Date:
Fri, 8 Nov 2002 01:49:05 EST

FUCK YOU BITCH, FUCK YOU BITCH, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU , ASS HOLE, FUCK YOU, FUCK
YOU , ASS HOLE , FUCK YOU , FUCK YOU , SORRY SACK OF SHIT, SORRY SACK OF
SHIT. * MAY DIEASE INFEST YOU

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Here's the webmasters annotation to that email header: Note::
Checked, the address is not on the list. It may have never been or may have been removed. (edit)
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This next gentlemen has had a complaint every time he signs up for a membership on one of our sites or purchases VHS and DVD videos from us. I would say he has paid us several thousand dollars in membership fees and video purchases over the years and his complaints are as wacky as they get - an he's still a member.........

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From:


Subject:
New ticket submission (question)

Date:
Fri, 2 Apr 2004 00:25:55 -0500

There is a new ticket submission.
Ticket details:
Ticket ID: 8617
Logged by: XXXXXXXX
Subject *: question

I note your reference to alleged misuse of name and password. It CLEARLY states in Real Player options the abilty to e-mail a video. Are you saying to hell with them...we prevail and we will cancel your subscription if you send a video via e-mail?
________________________
To this day we haven't solved this problem, but I believe he still tries to share his passwords. Whether he ever figured out the rest of it - I have no idea.

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Those are just a few which were from 2002, I really wish I had the time to go through them and post some more. I have some that are 3 and 4 pages long and we truly have to respond with the following: What is it that you need us to do? Thank you. Webmaster. There's just nothing else to say.

I have to report that 99.99% of our members only have good things to say when they write. And if you think by the tone of this email that we have way too many complaints, just remember that we have processed hundreds of thousands of memberships and sold tens of thousands of videos over the last 10 years.

I hope you enjoyed those.

Hal

Got this one this morning. I've edited out the name ane address, just to be nice.

***********
Hello mr hamilton steele. I thik you haave a hot dick an great bottom for a good fuck. i will pay for u all money you wan for a kopy of you bottom. put it in plaster an i think you can fin it in paris the place you live because i will take it home and make pilloes an a hat for my work to wair it there.
i loove you
************

I think this is what he was trying to say.

Hello Mr. Hamilton Steele. I think you have a hot dick and a great bottom. (Next part I think means "my ass is fuckable?")

I will pay you any sum of money you request for a copy of it. You can use plaster of Paris. (I speculate he believes it is easy to obtain because I live in Paris.

When I recieve it I will use as a reference to make pillows and a hat for me to wear (at my work?)

OK...
So I quoted him a price of 500 euro.

Quote:

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OK...
So I quoted him a price of 500 euro.

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wonder if you'll get an envelope full of nicely folded bills ... :P

LOL I love those emails... keep'em coming

Just got this one in, a classic:

Oh my lovely Boys ,,I,m so in love with gay boys from Japan ,,,,,and its a obsession to me ,,oh I love you all and if you like just send mess to em ,,,gaycharlie@hotmail.com ....love you all your so cute and so sweet ...oh ,,,,
_________________
Hi my lovely asian boys ,,I love you all and like to have friends for chatt and sex,,,,love you all..

Back in the days when we used to let our members contact our models by email, (using the website as a filter and the model's email was never publicly revealed), we would get members who would write exactly the same exact love letter to each and every model.....

or the ones, like this one, that give you so much informtion that you know exactly which model they are referring to:
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"i watch the video clips on line you have in members area on "exclusive video clips" in this period. i like very much. i'd like to know more about that one. there is a video tape or dvd i can buy? could you tell me more about production or the actor. I think is a thai video.
waiting your answer as soon as possible. Thank you "
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Or the customer who sent us a video mail order, complete with the printed invoice and his passport but did not include any payment information or bank draft/money order.... so we wrote him an email..... and this is his reply


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"This is my first shopping online , so i didnt no the correct proceture of sending money order with a check I am sorry if there is any delay , I will sending you a xerox copy of money orders recipt by post ."

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I guess we should just send him the videos when we get the xerox copy of the money order..

:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tombarr

I guess we should just send him the videos when we get the xerox copy of the money order..

:)

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Xerox a copy of the video and send that to him.

:P

About a month ago I got an email from some guy who wanted to know where to send me money. (Like I'm going to refuse such a reasonable request.)

Today I went to the mail box. Open a strange letter and there was a print out of the email correspondance. Written and signed on the bottom was a "cash mandat" (money order in france) for 50 euro.

He wanted 5 used q-tips from me.

Ok, I admit that in Hammy's world everything is for sale. But I really am dying to know what kind of fetishes are there that people want such things as nose hair clippings and q-tips.

At least twice each year I get something strange and at least twice each year I say "Nothing will surprise me again."

But at least twice each year, I'm surprised.