sorry little moody today because of the break up yesterday.
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sorry little moody today because of the break up yesterday.
breaking up sux :-(
There are just aspects of dating a younger guy that come with the territory.
They should be able to find themselves and live their lives and are entitled to be immature, irresponsible and carefree. Ya can't expect an 18yo to have the priorities, outlook and lot in life that a 25-30yo has just for the sake of the relationship.
It's not fair to them.
Nor is it fair to yourself to expect that of them.
If it's something you're willing and able to handle, then it's all good. But if not, then the relationship itself isn't something you can take on.
Thing is, even with guys that are younger who in many ways "act mature"... it's inevitable that their age will show in ways that might not be apparent at the outset. They can be fiscally responsible, know what they want in life when it comes to education and career, be able to have mature conversations and be worldly and "act older than they are" but when it comes down to it, they're still young. And I'm not referencing their age in a negative way here. Not saying elements of immaturity are wrong or even that "immature" itself is a bad thing. It's just a normal and natural thing. A trait they have every right and expectation to possess.
We set ourselves up for disappointment by expecting anything other than that.
Which isn't to say it's impossible for relationships between two people a fair deal apart in age to ever work out or are pointless. Not at all. It's still possible for two people to be compatible despite the differences in mindsets and emotional and intellectual development and age.
It's just that you can't really criticize someone for being where they are in life. It's the nature of the beast, so to speak.
brian knows me well, and knows what im saying.
maybe i do need to change something about myself. *shrug*
but for now, its all work for me. personal life can wait.
ya know that's not a necessarily bad way to go. getting your own house in order. once your career and business is going well you'll just find yourself in a place that makes you that much more able and ready to succeed in a relationship.Quote:
Originally posted by Dawgy
but for now, its all work for me. personal life can wait.
know what I mean?
if the job's not going well and you're all stressed out on account of that or too entirely preoccupied with work anxiety, there's no way a relationship can succeed.
so it's not a case of disregarding and neglecting personal relationships and satisfaction so much as... prepping oneself for a meaningful and satisfying relationship that you'll be ready for once your career is in cruise control.
i find that goin out and seeking relationships, for me at least, simply doesn't work. but when i go out and live life and meet people that way they just happen along. once work is all cherry for ya and you have time to get out and meet people and have fun and new people are comin' in to your life day after day one of those people will be the one that, along with you finding yourself insanely attracted to, will be drawn to you. then you're set :groovy:
yeah thats the theory, we'll see.Quote:
Originally posted by BDBionic
once work is all cherry for ya and you have time to get out and meet people and have fun and new people are comin' in to your life day after day one of those people will be the one that, along with you finding yourself insanely attracted to, will be drawn to you. then you're set :groovy:
dawgy, how do you present yourself? are your clothes and hair pretty fresh? i see a lotta guys 30+ cruising the younger guys dressed like the younger guys' dads. it isn't their face and body that seem older - it's their general presentation. how's yours?
Basschick, I've met Dawgy before and I can tell you, he don't look like nobody's dad! He's a total cutie. A little too clean-cut for my tastes (sorry, Dawgy, I like 'em nasty, hee hee). I can't see why he's having such a hard time. I'd say just think positively. If you worry about age all the time, that's what people will see. Don't even think about it. Be yourself, not what you think others want you to be. And have fun! ;)
Don't ever pay attention to what others may or may not be thinking about you. who cares what other people might or might not "expect" you be do. If you spend your time doing this, you'll only be frustrated.Quote:
Originally posted by Dawgy
im finding that more & more people expect me to like guys my age. why? because im 30.
I dunno. For me, I turned 30 not too long ago. Actually it's been easier then ever to find younger guys interested. It just depends on how you behave. I also don't seem to try too hard. Sparks just happen.Quote:
i cant even talk to a younger guy without getting shot down & insulted. called a troll. even just saying 'hi' gets me a dirty look and a cold shoulder.
Also, as you get older, work through your age hang-up. It's all in your mind. When I was in my late 20s, I started becoming shy about saying I was 29 or 30 or whatever. Well all year I've told guys who ask that I'm 34, and they typically just look suprised.
In other words, just don't worry about getting older. Actually, your 30s should be a far far more comfortable, self assured and fun time then your 20s.
Steve
http://profiles.yahoo.com/desslocktx
You know, a lot of guys in their 30s and 40s say almost the same things to me, a lot. I don't really understand it because I can't yet relate to your end of that particular shit sandwich, but i've had friends in these age groups and older since i was 19 and never really felt any kind of "dad/son" type thing going on or a generation gap.
I feel like a gay man is my peer in a way that defies age, I look at everyone as someone I can learn from or who I can share something with, or just someone who's company I can enjoy. The inability to click with people in a different age group shows a lack of diversity in character and interests at the very least. On top of that, I think maybe younger men shy away because they fear getting older and don't want to think about the "yeah, i was your age once" thing.
they are so involved in the shallow aspects of life in an effort to cover up the fact that they really don't completely know themselves yet, they want to appear confident on the outside to hide their inner troubles, and the knowledge that they may not have their shit together by the time they can't fall back on their shallow habits scares the shit out of them. It's a matter of looking into a futuristic mirror and not really liking what they see.
So the point is, you have problems, the guys who are giving you shit have problems, work through yours and fuck theirs. If you can't develop a meaningful relationship with someone because of age difference, you are trying to develop one with the wrong guys for the wrong reasons. This is all only my own silly opinion, and i'm only 24, I know I don't know shit yet, but I don't fall back on stupid shallow reasoning or ritual to give myself a sense of purpose either. Younger men who do this have a lot of growing up to do, if you want to be their guide, prepare to be annoyed and frustrated a LOT.
Just courious..how did you treat older men when you were 20?
thanx for the replies, theyre all interesting.
i dress comfortably. i definitely could look better. its something im working on, but again, work comes first, so i havent been that concerned with anything else.
as for how i treated older guys when i was young... i didnt. ive only known about this gay thing since i was 22, and even then i liked younger guys. so. yeah.
anyway... im focusing on work for now. i have so much i want and need to do before i can even begin thinking about enjoying life or going out & such.
Dale, I'm younger, and if I was a twink I'd bend ya over and give you a high hard one... ;)
Your a talented guy, with a great personality, and surrounded by good friends. Things will come to you when you least expect it.
DigitalJay - in my experience, age can matter. i remember the first time a person at a club called me ma'am. i was wearing the most wonderful bdsm corsetry, my hair - not grey - was fabulous, my unlined skin shone. but to this young man, i was the older generation. he was quite respectful and talked to me like i was 80. i was 33.
age really can matter to people. some people - mostly mature - will treat you with more respect. some people - mostly younger - will treat you like you are no longer aware of what's going on out there. yet we are who we are when we're 29 and 31. 30 - or 40 - is not the impenetrable wall, and i thought pretty much the same at 41 as i did at 39. nothing changed overnight except that one band who had really liked my playing felt that a 40 year old bassplayer could hurt them whereas a 39 year old was okay :-(
i was interested in older women and men when i was younger, and have been into younger men and women since i was no longer as much younger ;-)
that's crap about the band not wanting you.
I saw The Pixies at Coachella a couple months ago and Kim Deal looked like my aunt. Middle-aged, very almost "housewife-ish" (can't really find another word to describe it). Way different from what I remember her looking like 10 years ago.
But ya know what? She still kicked ass. And she's Kim Deal! Everyone loved her.