Can you be gay and not....

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Originally posted by Matt 26z
I do not believe people are born gay.

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I think you are definately wrong on that one. If for no other reason than the simple fact that if you hang out with any amount of gay and straight men, you can pick out what I call a "gay face."
There are certain facial structers that are an instant dead give away that a man is gay and never prove wrong. Surely you guys who work in porn have seen this to be true. This is a bad example, but think Justin from QAF. No matter how much he scruffed himself or tryed to look ugly or rugged, his face would be an instant give-away to me.

"Fem" guys seem to more commonly have a "gay face", and it has nothing to do with taking care of their skin, nice hair or anything else. I'm simply talking features and facial structure. Maybe I'm crazy but I don't think so. Of course there is other proof that some men and women are born gay, but this is one you can see for yourself.

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Originally posted by NikKay
I have been, since adolesence, utterly and completely bisexual... which makes me the outsider to both groups (gay and straight).

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Why do you say that? Do gay men and women make you feel like an outsider? Do you mean they do on purpose, you can't relate to them, or what?

I can't imagine how ignorant a gay man or woman would have to be to give someone else grief about their sexuality...

Ok sorry one more response; Xstr8guy I have huge amounts of respect for you and your choice to be yourself! That's absolutely awesome, and it's refreshing that your story didn't include something like "but I saw men in secret then went home to my wife", an atrocity that going into the same chatrooms you mention would have me believe is common.

As far as some saying sexual identity does not develop until adolescence, I don't know if I would agree. I very, very clearly remember having daydreams when I was only 8 about being a king, and having male and female servents. I enjoyed the male servents in my daydreams MUCH more, and had an idea even then that it would probably mean that I would be dating men, not women when I got older. I tried to get down the pants of some of my school friends during a sleepover in the 1st grade, and kinda scared the piss out of them, even though I knew nothing about sexuality. I also openly admitted to having a "crush" on Fred Savage on the wonder years when I was in the second grade. Maybe this isn't proof lol but it makes me think I was destined for my sexuality long before there was anything sexual about me. I didn't have any sort of sexual experience until I was 19 either.

Hmm, I am not sure if LavenderLounge goes to the same Blow Buddies in SF as I have, but there was more than just oral sex going on in there~~~~~~~
[I was just doing research :angel: ]



I think I knew I was different when I was 5 years old. I tried and tried and tried to "become" straight--I even tried lots and lots and lots of prayer. I wanted to be the person everybody else wanted me to be instead of being the best "me" I could be.....

I first told another person I was gay when I was 33 years old--when I first left Iowa for Arizona. I think in the past 4 years I have made up for a lot of lost time :devil:

The biggest thing that held me back from coming out, besides the homophobic rural Iowa society, was not having any role models or even knowing anybody that was openly gay. I felt all alone, and scared to come out. I was an elected DA with the sheriff's department, police departments, and state patrol at my beck and call but still afraid. Now, I am damn proud of who I am. Nobody will EVER put me back in the closet or try to make me pretend to be somebody I am not.

I'm one of those guys that is/was 100% gay. I've only ever had sex with men and only ever wanted to. And I was having sex with men at an age that might not be appropriate to mention here, so I won't.

As far as guys who are married for 15 years and then come out, I don't think that it's because they were only 10% gay and just grew into it. I think, like xstra8guy pointed out, they were in such deep denial that they couldn't have allowed themselves to go there in any way, shape, or form, or their whole world would have exploded.

You can only deny your real self for so long and then you start to implode. And with the implosion comes the falling down of walls. Suddenly, they start seeing that rainbow.

Cheers
Dzinerbear

Amen, Dzinerbear!

I believe being gay/straight/bi is who we are and not what we do. Like someone said earlier we can choose not to engage in sex, but we cannot control what sex we are attracted to.

In addition, I can't believe that someone actually thinks its a choice. Who would ever choose to be gay/bi? I accept and am proud of who I am. However, back when I was realizing that not every other guy desired both men and women, and that I was different and risked being alineted from those that mattered most to me, I would have done anything to "choose" to be str8. It was never a choice, it has always been and always will be who I am.

Without exception, when I came out to friends and family, not one person rejected me. Infact, most were mad at me for not telling them sooner. The most common reply was, "I can't believe you thought it would matter to me!"

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Originally posted by DigitalJay
Why do you say that? Do gay men and women make you feel like an outsider? Do you mean they do on purpose, you can't relate to them, or what?

I can't imagine how ignorant a gay man or woman would have to be to give someone else grief about their sexuality...

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Its not so much gay men who make me feel like an outsider... theyre really the best people to understand my sexuality. But straight men, as much as everyone thinks 2 women is their ultimate fantasy, its only 2 women fawning over their cock thats the fantasy... 2 women into one another is threatening, and got forbid their girlfriend is into other women... thats even more threatening. Lesbians are extremely dead set against bisexual women. They say we cant make up our minds. I know most gay women will not date a woman who is bisexual. The general concensus for us bisexual people is that we are either gay or straight and need to make our minds. I am neither gay nor straight and I will never make up my mind nor change it. It was hard for a long time when I was younger, but now I say anyone who is in my life either accepts and embraces my sexuality or they can hit the road!

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I do not believe people are born gay. I think it's linked to experiences in life

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Sorry ... I totally disagree with that statement. I have always been gay (lesbian) ... can remember crushes on other girls as early as four years of age. Absolutely zilch sexual attraction to men ... they've always been "brothers" emotionally.

the lesbian thing with striaght men is more about, let me get in the middle of these two girls and show them how good i am and what a real man cock can do - thinking lesbians aren't satisfied because there's no cock involved - at least that's my take :)

Derek..

Why dont you and i run a little one on one experiment in Vegas to find out ;)

Regards,

Lee

i believe that your sexual orientation happens a long way before you reach puberty. when i was young - way pre-adolescent - i had a wild crush on marianne AND the professor. no kidding.

DigitalJay, i've definitely had gay men give me a lot of grief over my sexual orientation, but that's their problem.

anyone here ever read "the naked civil servant" by quentin crisp?