Can str8 and gay men really be only friends?

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Originally Posted by Mamakity

My husband Donnie has a couple friends that are gay and it's never been an issue. Sure, they think he's HOT. And he is but that doesn't mean they are going to jump his bones or bone, hehehe.

Donnie is 100% secure with his identity and it sounds to me that your friend is not. There is probably some underlying issue there but I won't speculate.

You must feel a little bad that you were being honest with this kid and he totally pulled away from you and for that I'm sorry. But your better off without such a headcase.

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And that's one of the things I really love about Donnie. He's totally secure and can hang out and play without worry. But I did get kinda excited when I MISREAD your post the first time about underlying issues - you know I would have help Donnie with them. LOL SMOOCH!


But seriously Ben, I have to agree with most here. It's sad that things went the way they did, sometimes it's better you find out now. The issues here are not yours. They belong to him. You had your honesty shoved back at you and that's not good for you.

One of my oldest and dearest friends, Bill, is str8. We've known each other since freshmen year at prep school. He was the second person I came out to. I was secure in the friendship, but I did worry. I think I did insult him when I came out, then said "It's doesn't mean I want to fuck you". It never crossed his mind. He was more concerned for me since I was so emotional.

So to answer your question... Yes, we can all be friends.

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Originally Posted by Gary-Alan

"It's doesn't mean I want to fuck you".

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Now theres a thought hahahaha

I still want to get that model release signed by Bill :devil:

Regards,

Lee

From what you've described of the relationship and the conversation, i think there's a pretty good chance that your friend is exploring his own sexuality, and is either thinking or knows that he might be bi/gay.

The fact that he was fine with your answer for a while and then asked the other question would indicate to me that he's nervous for himself... not because you might jump on him and fuck him when he's not expecting it, but because he's afraid it might put him in a situation where he'd say yes... and that would screw up his whole world. Honestly, I don't think even if you'd answer "no, not in a million years" it would have made any difference... in that case, he'd probably be offended that you didn't find him cute enough...

So, honestly, you're probably best just leaving the situation be, telling him that if he ever feels comfortable, you would be happy to have a friendship with him that precludes even the remotest possibility of anything other than friendship.

I've had several friends who seemed totally straight, denied even the slightest bi or questioning tendencies, but 5 or 10 years later came out full-bore... and the patterns they went through aren't far off of what you are describing, so i think that's at least a possiblity.

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Originally Posted by Gary-Alan

And that's one of the things I really love about Donnie. He's totally secure and can hang out and play without worry. But I did get kinda excited when I MISREAD your post the first time about underlying issues - you know I would have help Donnie with them. LOL SMOOCH!

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LOL. Gary I love you.

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Originally Posted by Mamakity

LOL. Gary I love you.

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I love you right back, Mama!




Good points, boyfunk!

I am friends with a great many of you - and with several I consider myself bloody good friends.

Outside of the web world I have heaps of friends who's sexuality is different to mine.

Not to mention I work with CuriousTim, who is as camp as a row of tents, and I deal with gay guys as part of business all the time.

A quite a few of both of the above groups have made passes at me, which is quite flattering an does not perturb me in the least.

For those of you who know, many of YOU have heard my tired old line, "If you got a great boob job and lost the tackle we could have a wonderful life together", so I suppose I have hit you with a variation of a pickup line myself !

The answer, can we be friends, is an unequivocal and resounding "YES" and everyday we prove it to be true.

I have absolutely NO issue with my sexuality or that of others, never have, never will. I do NOT have 2 sets of rules for friends, or even in relationships for that matter. I do NOT have hang ups nor I am biased or discriminatory in any way.

I treat people as they treat me, not based on any silly factor like race, color, creed, sex or sexuality.

But then I AM different to the majority of straight blokes though, which, I think, and then only in SOME ways, is a damn shame.

He he

:P

Thank you all for great answers! I was thinking along the same lines as most of you. The boy has some unresolved issues, and projected his fears into our friendly relationship. He hasn't contacted me for two days, and I think I'll listen to Mamakitty's and Don's advice.

The way he's been treating me since i told him about my sexual orientation was... demeaning in many ways. I don't like to put up with constant questioning, e.g. when I ask him to go to the movies he thinks there's some hidden sexual motive behind it. I'm definitely no angel, but hey I'm not THAT superficial & tactless.

He also resorted to intentional lies and sly, deceitful questionings in order extract some "truth" about my real intentions, but I can't get into that now. Suffice to say it left a very bad taste in my mouth (no pun intended lol).

And certainly, it's good to know there are straight men who don't mind being flattered by gay guys! (Ozmalegalleries and Curioustoyboy). Sadly, most straight men are not like you and after this experience I don't believe I'll come out as easy as I have. IMO the rift between straight and gay men still remains huge, and it's the straight guys that need their egos and pride checked more than the gay ones.

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Originally Posted by Ben

IMO the rift between straight and gay men still remains huge, and it's the straight guys that need their egos and pride checked more than the gay ones.

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The world would be a MUCH better place if you were not so damned right !

:(

Man I'd be dumping any "friend" who made an issue of my lifestyle. Either play nice - or get the fuck away from me. I don't have time for assholes.

Unless they are attached to a lovely wiggling behind.
:thumbsup:

IMO the rift between straight and gay men still remains huge, and it's the straight guys that need their egos and pride checked more than the gay ones.

When this discussion comes up I wonder why anyone is surprised that the majority of straight men seem so uncomfortable around gay men.

Really .. they can't hardly communicate with the gender they are on a
Mission To Fuck! Bless their over-taxed brains. :shifty:

Anyway .. men mature slow. It's kinda natural for a 19 year old not being able to get over his circular thinking. At 19 the first bull dyke I met, scared the crap out of me, and I of course thought she wanted to jump me everytime she saw me.

Pffft! Youth .. it's wasted on the young.

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Originally Posted by Madame0120

Pffft! Youth .. it's wasted on the young.

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DAMN RIGHT! I like the Mork & Mindy concept..... hatch from an egg old and grow younger :king:

I think straight guys are great.. when they don't know you're Gay... sitting around together drinking.. talking about their sexual conquests. The comradery men have is great, straight or Gay, when you get a good group together.

I think it all comes down to how comfortable you are with each other and yourself. I'm straight but have some gay friends and it is not a issue at all. I respect them, they respect me. I think alot young guys are immature and think that if they are friendly in any way with a gay guy they think/feel that it somehow reflects on them. That's pretty fucking stupid, but some people cant get past that. :wacko:

I am straight. Two of my best friends are gay. First one was best friend in primary and secondary school. He was always different but his sexuality was unknown to me as a kid. Second guy remains my best male friend. We went to university together. He came out when he was about 30. It was only then i thought back and said hmmmm, Eli never did go out with women.

I totally agree with BoyFunk. Your friend has some serious issues about himself. If you had such a great friendship both would do whatever it takes to work it out, but with him freaking out at the fact that you think he is attractive goes to show you that he does have some sexuality problems with himself. Why should he feel wierd around you? He can tell you no if you ever came on to him but for some reason he must not have the mental self control and just tries to avoid the situation all together.