Ccbill and Text Review

So you really think I should change the “Watch These Young Twinks Getting Down & Dirty” to “Watch These Twink Dudes Getting Down & Dirty”, personally it sounds like semantics to me, but that would be the worse possible fraises in my site as far as the CP crap goes, but if I keep changing everything that someone could say sounds like CP to them at the end of the day I would have a HUNK site

BTW it might just be me LOL but I would say High School Boys is 10X worse than Young twink in the way I used it even if you say barley legal before it, but I understand I am a easy target. What I do not understand is why when I question some of the advise I get that some people can not see why I might not trust all of it.

Hell never mind I do like Watch These Twink Dudes Getting Down & Dirty more

At some point people will realize that money is only one part of a happy life. :)

Much of the text was written by Patti, who has been doing this a long time, and has a good idea about these sort of things... and everything we have on our site has not only passed muster with Visa, Paycom, and CCBill, but also with Chad, our attorney.

Do what you want, Sean, but whatever you do, I would advise you to get a good attorney (or two!) to review your text and discuss the relative risks with you.

There are no LEGAL risks to be honest.

There are risks that he may get 200 members and visa say no.

There are risks he may get webmasters not wanting to promote him.

And there is a risk he may have to show 2257 at SOME point. But even then maybe never.


And there is a risk he may wake up and not feel good about it.

The latter has happened to me in my life. :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by maxpower

OK I have rewritten some of the text now, does anyone have some last minute changes they think I should make?

> Watch The Ultimate Boy Sex Party Live 24/7
> Chat Live With Our Horny Cam-Boy Twinks
> Most Extreme Live Shows Available Anywhere

---

Maxpower: I have one important suggestion for you. In English, prepositions are never capitalized. Write that down. Post this on sticky sheets on your monitor, refrigerator and bathroom mirror. I'm sure your content choices will do well for you and everything, but you need to learn that grammar rule and utilize it.

For example, if you look up on Amazon the dvd for the movie The Boys in the Band - see where capitals are omitted? Another example: Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark

That means your first line should read "Watch the Ultimate Boy Sex Party Live 24/7" I recommend that you go back and uncapitalize all the many prepositions which you use. That's one of the reasons people criticize you.

And actually, this is an extremely common problem all over the place. There is a slim little book called The Elements of Style by Strunk and White. You can find it in any bookstore anywhere, and used bookstores will have a jillion copies for almost nothing. It is a wonderful thing to keep on your desk for quick reference. You don't need to know the complexities of writing a master's thesis, but you should know basic rules of writing English.

I happened to not pay attention in grammar class myself, but when I started making websites, I made myself learn some rules. Everyone makes mistakes, but you can easily learn a few basic rules and people will not think you somehow left school in the 9th grade.

Think of it this way - you will sell more.

Steve

OMG get real man, this text was just made for this forum on the site ALL the text will be capitalized ever single letter, I do have a professional doing it. If the capitalization of a few words is your biggest problem with it then I guess that is a good thing. :sleep:

I do not "have a problem" with anything your choose to do. You asked for suggestions. I was trying to suggest something that would immediately make it more professional looking and saleable. But you say that you have to pay "a professional" to handle all those pesky details, so I am sorry for wasting your time and mine.

Steve

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by desslock

I do not "have a problem" with anything your choose to do. You asked for suggestions. I was trying to suggest something that would immediately make it more professional looking and saleable. But you say that you have to pay "a professional" to handle all those pesky details, so I am sorry for wasting your time and mine.

Steve

---

What I am saying is that my designers will handle the text in the graphics. I only wrote the text like that to make every word stand out for you guys. Was not thinking about anything else, I do not go around capitalizing every word or anything for no reason.

BTW their still is time to make some revisions you see any text that you do not like? Not that I really think most people really read that stuff its more made for people that just skim the text on the site while looking at the images.

by changing the text on their sites - and nothing else - a bunch of my clients saw conversion increases of 15% on average. some some a little less, several saw 20%. i referred another client to another writer with the same results.

your text is still generic and although you are trying hard to make the guys sound young, there's nothing particularly sexy about anything you're saying.

Well Bass the text describing the video previews are going to be very personal so in part that should take care of that. You have any specific suggestions to make it work better, it might not look like it, but some of this text will go with the images its placed next too.

I have seen you make the guys in sites like this sound Very Young too, so I guess I am in good company their. I did change a few things already, adding the whole Barely Legal High School Boys stuff hell if that one guy can do it and no one care I might as well. I also removed the Young Twink thing, and replaced it with Young Dudes I think that does sound less CP and fits better

Max,

The issue with you is a branding issue. Firstly, twinkguy doesnt sound young or sexy, and to be honest the text sounds like what a straight company may put on their twink sites, not knowing any better.

Create a "theme" and follow it through.

And live shows are dead.

I still think that IF you have downloadable DVD'S advertise ipod format. Fuck, take a pic of a twink with an mp3 (dont show what brand) and use that pic on the movies page of your tour.

There was a BYOT site in the old ARS called DownTown Boys that sold so well for me. I dont know if you can go to webarchive and find it or not.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by abostonboy

Max,

The issue with you is a branding issue. Firstly, twinkguy doesnt sound young or sexy, and to be honest the text sounds like what a straight company may put on their twink sites, not knowing any better.

Create a "theme" and follow it through.

And live shows are dead.

I still think that IF you have downloadable DVD'S advertise ipod format. Fuck, take a pic of a twink with an mp3 (dont show what brand) and use that pic on the movies page of your tour.

There was a BYOT site in the old ARS called DownTown Boys that sold so well for me. I dont know if you can go to webarchive and find it or not.

---

Um man what do you think a Twink Guy is?

I might look at the Ipod thing later, but right now I would like to get this text done.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by maxpower

You guys spend to much time writhing all this crap do you really think I even read most of it?

---

Haven't you guys/gals realized by now that is exactly the problem here? He constantly asks for advice but never takes it. If a reply is over 3 lines long, he doesn't even bother to read it. Don't waste your energy.

from dictionary.com

twink

/twink/ n. 1. [Berkeley] A clue-repellant user; the next
step beyond a clueless one. 2. [UCSC] A read-only user. Also
reported on the Usenet group soc.motss; may derive from gay slang
for a cute young thing with nothing upstairs (compare mainstream
`chick').

and for guy
# Informal. A man; a fellow.

the domain reminds me of smoothbears

Maybe its just me.

playfultwinks.com is available.....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Xstr8guy

Haven't you guys/gals realized by now that is exactly the problem here? He constantly asks for advice but never takes it. If a reply is over 3 lines long, he doesn't even bother to read it. Don't waste your energy.

---

Well thax, but I do take some if not most of constructive advice why do you think I even asked? I have changed the text more than a few times already based on a few peoples suggestions, but you are right I do not take VERY suggestion, or want to read a 15 paragraph statement that really says much of nothing in the end

actually not anymore, sorry, i liked that name....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by abostonboy

from dictionary.com

twink

/twink/ n. 1. [Berkeley] A clue-repellant user; the next
step beyond a clueless one. 2. [UCSC] A read-only user. Also
reported on the Usenet group soc.motss; may derive from gay slang
for a cute young thing with nothing upstairs (compare mainstream
`chick').

and for guy
# Informal. A man; a fellow.

the domain reminds me of smoothbears

Maybe its just me.

playfultwinks.com is available.....

---

Twink = cute young thin male
Guy = male

Hateful descriptions of twinks come from people that are haters normally, I am not going to base my site on what people that hate young looking guys think you know man

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by abostonboy

actually not anymore, sorry, i liked that name....

---

Its all yours man :)

Welcome to the club of people that have offered useful, helpful, accurate advice to Sean, only to have him argue that he's right and they're wrong. :)

Eventually, all of us that are offering helpful advice will probably either learn to not respond or just block him. Oh well.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by desslock

I do not "have a problem" with anything your choose to do. You asked for suggestions. I was trying to suggest something that would immediately make it more professional looking and saleable. But you say that you have to pay "a professional" to handle all those pesky details, so I am sorry for wasting your time and mine.

Steve

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by maxpower

... but you are right I do not take VERY suggestion, or want to read a 15 paragraph statement that really says much of nothing in the end

---

If someone takes the initiative to write 15 paragraphs in a thread you started, it is only common courtesy to read the entire post and respond to it. Most of the long posts have VERY good advice in them... if only you took the time to read them. Your loss.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by boyfunk

Welcome to the club of people that have offered useful, helpful, accurate advice to Sean, only to have him argue that he's right and they're wrong. :)

Eventually, all of us that are offering helpful advice will probably either learn to not respond or just block him. Oh well.

---

Ya as I recall your last advise made me sound like I was pushing CP when your site at the time was even worse.

And his advice was not applicable at all and I told him why, it was also a bit pointed as well

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Xstr8guy

If someone takes the initiative to write 15 paragraphs in a thread you started, it is only common courtesy to read the entire post and respond to it. Most of the long posts have VERY good advice in them... if only you took the time to read them. Your loss.

---

I read stuff until it starts to get off topic, or becomes hostile. Thier is just no point when it gets to that point

Ok boys and girls is that enough drama for today? If you have any constructive specific suggestions on the text I would really be more than happy to talk about it :thumbsup:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by abostonboy

playfultwinks.com is available.....

---

Its funny you said something about that, I just looked for another URL and got Barely Legal Guys.com you like that one more? It is 3 words and would rather have Boys than Guys but damn really its not bad

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by maxpower

Ya as I recall your last advise made me sound like I was pushing CP when your site at the time was even worse.

And his advice was not applicable at all and I told him why, it was also a bit pointed as well

---

Sean, it's really sad. You just don't get it, and probably never will.

Our site, according to some of the best legal talent out there, is not problematic. We paid the money to have it evaluated because we care about being compliant. You, on the other hand, act like you know far more than the best legal minds in the business, and when it's suggested to you that perhaps you're over the line, you just argue that you're right.

Have at it.

Oh, and Steve's point WAS on topic, you just completely missed it. But that's no surprise.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by boyfunk

Sean, it's really sad. You just don't get it, and probably never will.

Our site, according to some of the best legal talent out there, is not problematic. We paid the money to have it evaluated because we care about being compliant. You, on the other hand, act like you know far more than the best legal minds in the business, and when it's suggested to you that perhaps you're over the line, you just argue that you're right.

Have at it.

Oh, and Steve's point WAS on topic, you just completely missed it. But that's no surprise.

---

Look man I do not want to argue with you I would really rather be doing other things to tell the truth I do not care. You can do what ever you want, I for one am not saying you promote CP and never did

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by abostonboy

playfultwinks.com is available.....

---

Since the page changed I will say this again, Its funny you said something about that, I just looked for another URL and got Barely Legal Guys.com you like that one more? It is 3 words and would rather have Boys than Guys but damn really its not bad

I am going to take the silence on this new domain as a good sign, so I think I will contact my designers and have them change the name of the site for me. God they are going to love this one :cry: but the more I think about it the more I like the new name. Its 3 words but it should have a popular search fraise for the engines for a teen boy site, it does start with BA so any site that alphabetize members site it will appear near the top of their twink list, sounds like a big site just off the name, should sell good too for people that like that stuff, I do think its better than the old name, I could also keep the old site open maybe drop the price on it to 14.95 or even maybe 9.95 a month and start running only my sites and AVS program in all my sites. :pimp: