(12) Deep And Meaningful Thoughts For The Day

12. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

11. Life is sexually transmitted.

10. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

9. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

8. Some people are like Slinkies . ... . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

6. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

5. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

4. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

3. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird . Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

2. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these Terrorists most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. I think we should put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

How about these...

You can only water a lawn so many times until it grows.

If your nose were upside down you could drown if you went out in a rainstorm.

And... if curiosity killed the cat, why was the dog so frustrated?

(this is what happens when I don't get enough sleep) :blush:

Did you know that if you were a domestic turkey, raised for food at a farm ... they'll just stand and look up at rain and drown? They don't seek shelter.

OMG!!! Turkey suicide! :fuckup:

I actually saw that happen in a petting zoo.

No one drowned but it was pretty funny watching the turkeys and some humans looking up in the sky as if thinking the same thing... "What's that?"

LMAO

GA

Supposedly, if you stand in a crowd and look up for a while, you'll find a bunch of people will also do it. I've never tried it.

But I used to try that thing where they say if you stand in an elevator and face the back wall, people will also do it, but it never worked for me. Maybe I was too freaky, and they just figured I was strange. Would be interesting to see if a handsom man in a business suit, or a smartly dressed, pretty woman tried it if it would work. Hmmm....

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

:fracais:

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Originally posted by Aly Python
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

:fracais:

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You speak wisely oh wise Aly lol

Also, when they didnt work.. why didnt he get a refund?

Regards,

Lee

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Originally posted by Lee
You speak wisely oh wise Aly lol

Also, when they didnt work.. why didnt he get a refund?

Regards,

Lee

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Didn't you ever see the Terms and Conditions for Acme?

ACME MANUFACTURING COMPANY AND ITS SUBSIDIARIES ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR MISUSE OR USER MISHANDLING. PERCEIVED MALFUNCTIONS BASED ON USER MISUSE RENDERS ALL REFUND OR RETURN POLICIES NULL AND VOID.

See!

YOu can lead a horse to drink but you cant make him water

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

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Originally posted by TheLegacy


Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

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LMAO!

You can make amends but not one amend, you comb through annals of history but not a single annal...
...If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?


:fracais:

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Originally posted by Aly Python
LMAO!

You can make amends but not one amend, you comb through annals of history but not a single annal...
...If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?


:fracais:

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heheeh.. she said "annals" heheheh

http://www.jacobs-photography.com/ed...nicker-Big.jpg

A PRIMER IN POLITICS AND ECONOMICS AROUND THE WORLD


DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows.
Your neighbour has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbour.
You feel righteous.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows.
Your neighbour has none.
So?

SOCIALIST:
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
Your cows enjoy the highest standard of living in the world.

COMMUNIST:
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for 5 hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

LIBERTARIAN:
You have two cows.
You would have more cows but the government interfered.
Your cow ownership is covered by the 2nd amendment.
Everything is covered by the 2nd Amendment.
You wonder what kind of drugs your cows like to use.

Paper or Plastic, does it matter? Both are made from rubber trees.

What do they call cowardly hens?

Poverty is the one thing money can’t buy.

To our sweethearts and wives: May they never meet

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm going to eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

i'd give my life to be healthy ;-)

Chris Alan - he stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni 'cause that's what extremely well-dressed, fashionable men were called then - macaronis.

don mike, i used to do that looking up thing. works like a charm *grin*

Excellent!! Best thread of the day, bar none!

Fyrflygrl

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Originally posted by Aly Python
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

:fracais:

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OMG I am dying over this one.. Maybe because I can picture Aly in front of the TV just sitting watching the Coyote and yelling just go buy dinner...OH dear Lord ...LMAO

Okay, here's a few oldies but goodies...

Why do you drive on a parkway but park on a driveway?

Why do they have braile on a drive up atm machine?

I used to ask why they were called a "pair" of pants when you only had one, but I made the mistake of asking a taylor friend of mine and he gave me an answer... a very long answer. LOL!

And patti, I'm gonna have to try that looking up thing now. heh heh.

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?

Why do Flammable and Inflammable mean the same thing?

Why don't effeminate and emascualte mean the opposite things?

If they call heterosexuals "straight" why don't they call gay people "bent"?

Fish can't deny it when they fart.

At the point of orgasm, North Americans say "I'm coming", the Japanese say "I'm going" and the French say "I'm here".

Has nobody ever pointed out that it's impossible to pick picked peppers, since you can't pickle peppers until after they're picked?

Why was it that Ginger and Mary-Anne had to share a hut? the Professor got his own place, why did THEY have to be roomies?

Okay, I had a friend who spoke in non sequiturs from time to time, and when he would indulge in the ole' wacky weed it was a like a little switch in his brain got stuck in the "on" position and he would speak in nothing but non sequiturs. It was actually really funny. But he said something once that I have never forgotten, and I thought it would fit here perfectly...

"It's a funny thing about laundry... it's laundry when you take it to the laundrymat and it's laundry when you bring it home... but it ain't clothes until you put it in the drawer!"

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If they call heterosexuals "straight" why don't they call gay people "bent"?

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I'm 'bent', thank you very much. Hmm, maybe 'twisted' is more like it. hee hee :leather:

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At the point of orgasm, North Americans say "I'm coming", the Japanese say "I'm going" and the French say "I'm here".

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ROFLMAO!!! I never knew that!!! Thank you, I'm gonna remember that. :grin:

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Originally posted by Ounique
Okay, I had a friend who spoke in non sequiturs from time to time, and when he would indulge in the ole' wacky weed it was a like a little switch in his brain got stuck in the "on" position and he would speak in nothing but non sequiturs. It was actually really funny. But he said something once that I have never forgotten, and I thought it would fit here perfectly...

"It's a funny thing about laundry... it's laundry when you take it to the laundrymat and it's laundry when you bring it home... but it ain't clothes until you put it in the drawer!"

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I wants some of his wacky stuff and laundry detergent! LMAOPIP