Am I the only one that gets crazy emails from surfers?

I want to hear some of the emails you guys get. Usually they just make me laugh or go "what the hell?!"

Here is a few just from today:


UMM DUDES I REALLY WANT TO BE APART OF YOU GUYS INDUSTRY I REALLY WANT TO FUCK A GUY FROM YOUR WEBSITE ESPECIALLY A WHITE GUY IM ALL TOP AND IF THATS A APROBLEM ILL UNDERSTAND, BUT I REALLY WANT TO FUCK ONE OF YOU GUYS IF BY ANY CHANCE U GET THIS MESSAGE CALL ME AT 134778**** THANK U AND ASK FOR PUDGE


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Subject: James u are catching and cute i love u so much
Hi james i am yahya from marocco u are really a diamand i love u so much

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I am 75 years of age and would like some information on how to attact a young boy for love. I feel just as good jacking myself off, but would love to make a young man happy.

My cock doesn't get that hard, but I would love to have my man empty his body fluids in both my parts..
Plese help!

ED

--------------------------

hello thewhack
i was wandering if i may become one of your boys you know i
like what i see on internet about you boys you know.
Am a malawian nationality and if given a chance i will for sure
come there and be one of your newest boy
hope you will consider me
give me an e-mail addressof one of your boys so that i can communicate
with (especcially JJ).
yours Richard

LOL! good ones. Yeah I get some doozies some times -- there's a lot of :mental: ppl out there.

Here is another one I just got:


I want to cancel my subscription, my visa credit card number is: 872020872318**** my name is Michael Blake thanks Whack!

-----------

Funny thing is, I am a free site. I don't require a subscription anywhere. :huh:

oh man... I get hundreds of em.

But I ALSO get Phone calls, because we have a 1800 number for our help line and our DVD Ordering.

So I get the people calling up begging to talk to the models, and when we explain that we don't all live in a Frathouse, they start to yell and accuse us of holding the models against their will.

We have guys call up claiming to be Tom Cruise's manager (even though his manager is a woman), and offer them parts in movies.

We have guys call up and beg us to send them out on dates with the guys.

We have guys call up and threaten to call the FBI if we won't give them our model's home phone numbers.

But the letters are always fun.. very fun.

Its the crazy emails from webmasters that worry me, not the ones we get from surfers and beleive me, we get LOTS of them :eek:

Regards,

Lee

I get them all the time.

They are pretty harmless and most fan mail I tend to ignore. (I use one my yahoo groups to interact with fans)

I have ten years worth, and if you think the emails are nuts today, I'll post some from the days where few were computer literate and almost no one had experience with viewing streaming video........... especially at 14.4 and 28.8. These were the days that if you charged for content you had the entire Internet community down your back calling you a carpetbagger and accusing you of trying to crush the free flow of information. If you sent three porn spams you're hosting company was dumping you. It was a relatively small online world then. I could go on and on - but I'll spare you. Anyway, I have some very funny ones and some very rotten and scarry ones and another entire category I have in a folder called "assholes". There were emails accusing me of being the devil, of being criminally liable for prostitution with three page emails giving me the legal facts and case law and on and on. Unfortunatley, I'm a bit of an e-packrat and have every email since we went online with static video ads in 1995. Maybe I should publish a book or create a website (free of course) for webmasters and they could also post their own or is the interest in these things just a short lived novelty. Any thoughts?

Hal

maybe i'm doing something wrong? I just get people saying they like the models on my site.

Here's one I got for my new http://www.sleepingmen.com site

-------------

hello my name is (name redacted) and i have been trying to do to my older brother what you do to the guys on your site but i cant do it ive tried numerous times and have failed i was hoping you could send me some insite on how you do this. and i have three questions to ask you
1. how do you get the guys to sleep in underwear my brother only wears shorts and underwear to bed
2.how do you know when a guy is fully alseep my brother always wakes up
3.what excuse do you use if your caught

-------------

From another user

------------------

hi im (name redacted). I jst wnt to ask im 23 years old kindda
gay bt n0t rili bt we got same interest on sleeping
men. I got it frm my young uncle bt he got hard i d0nt
knw if hes awake. Can you just tell me how to get him to cum
while he's asleep s0 I can enjoy him with0t him knwing?
Take care and m0re p0wer.

---------------

And there you have it, a small snapshot of the people who pay our bills :francais:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ponyboy

maybe i'm doing something wrong? I just get people saying they like the models on my site.

---

You're not doing anything wrong and we all get the "I love you models, can you get me in touch - just for photos - I want his phone number" "send me free photos of there bewtiful cocks to suck", but it's all a matter of size in this business (no pun intended:rolleyes:), the more members you process through your site, the more quirky email you'll receive. We talk about experiences on here and other boards like we're all doing a similar amount of business and grossing the same range of revenues - ain't true and that makes the facts different for everyone. For example, if you have sites that process 10,000 memberships/monthly you're talking on a completely different level than someone who processes a few hundred memberships a month. I just saw a post on The Gay Bored posted by my friend Brian from Bionic Pixels, talking about the summer slow down. To some guys it appears that there is none and some even see their business increase (I really wonder sometimes). If you did 200 memberships in July and 240 in August, we'll congratulations, your business was up around 20%. However, when your normal fall and winter months run about 12,000 membershps/mo you will see the summer slowdown and it can easly run 25% or more with results like 9,000 mems/mo for June, July, August, because there IS a summer slow down, has been for 10 years - less people online for less hours equal less money. My friends in the wholesale DVD distribution and toy distribution say the same. Those aren't my membership numbers above, but it is my experience and that just illustrates why you have to know the facts behind some of the statements made on this and other boards. That was a huge digression. Sorry.

I love the idea of a website with the psycho letters and phone messages we get.

SquirtIt, I think the emails you get are the ones who underline exactly how much people fall for porn hook line and sinker. To us, Porn is like Championship Wrestling.. we get it... the "straight" guys aren't straight, the "gay" guys aren't gay, the "Best friends" aren't best friends and the "Sleeping Guys" are totally awake and playing along.

There are still people who think that the Bait Bus was real and those poor guys who got fooled into having sex with a guy and then dumped in the suburbs with no cash.

Those people don't really scare me as much as the ones who call over and over again begging for model's phone numbers and threatening us. Ido think that one day, we just might get a freak showing up at the office.

Thank God for Security Gates.

MANcheck gets stuff like this all the time. Guys from around the world, particularly in poorer countries, asking us to send them free pictures. Sometimes the e-mail people get asked out on dates. And we get a fair bit of obscene e-mail, too: "I want to suck your cock" and this kind of stuff.

Michael

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jasun

Those people don't really scare me as much as the ones who call over and over again begging for model's phone numbers and threatening us. Ido think that one day, we just might get a freak showing up at the office.

Thank God for Security Gates.

---

You have security gates at the new offices? Sweeeeeet!

I'm not worried about the people asking for numbers, wanting hookups etc. as that's natural.

With this new site I'm getting these freaky emails, like the ones I posted. The site doesn't promote incest, or anything even close, yet it seems to appeal to a group of people I never considered before and I wouldn't begin to know how to respond to their emails. I was going to put a board up on the new site... but if these emails are any indication of the conversations that could go on there I'm not up for it. What do you guys think?

Imagine all the emails straight site owners get from guys wanting to meet the girls :francais:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Squirt

You have security gates at the new offices? Sweeeeeet!

I'm not worried about the people asking for numbers, wanting hookups etc. as that's natural.

With this new site I'm getting these freaky emails, like the ones I posted. The site doesn't promote incest, or anything even close, yet it seems to appeal to a group of people I never considered before and I wouldn't begin to know how to respond to their emails. I was going to put a board up on the new site... but if these emails are any indication of the conversations that could go on there I'm not up for it. What do you guys think?

Imagine all the emails straight site owners get from guys wanting to meet the girls :francais:

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That is weird.

Yeah I dunno about a board, might throw off most of the ppl you do get. They might start thinking it's an incest sight and you don't wanna lose the majority due to some who don't understand. Unless you start finding that's who most of your traffic is...humm, I dunno

Makes for an interesting outcome though...to see what most of your surfers are wanting.
Would you say that your site was about the first or at least a pretty uncommon nitche? (I haven't really checked it out too much)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Squirt

With this new site I'm getting these freaky emails, like the ones I posted. The site doesn't promote incest, or anything even close, yet it seems to appeal to a group of people I never considered before and I wouldn't begin to know how to respond to their emails.

---

How about:

"Although the video is amateur, the videographer is highly skilled at what he does from years of patience and practice. For your own safetly, we suggest that you do not try this at home or on friends and relatives."

:-)

Rocky

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BeachBoi_Rocky

How about:

"Although the video is amateur, the videographer is highly skilled at what he does from years of patience and practice. For your own safetly, we suggest that you do not try this at home or on friends and relatives."

:-)

Rocky

---

I'm such a dunce when it comes to this kind of stuff. That is a great answer Rocky I love it, and believe it or not, I will use it! Thanks again :high:

A company I worked for in the past used to get phone calls on the mail order line wanting phone sex or they would j/o while asking detailed questions about the movies and models. (Questions like how big is his cock, does he like to get fuck by big cocks, how big of a cock does he take, etc.)

There where a couple crazy fans that stalked a couple of the models. One even jumped on a plane to meet the model because they where “in love” and they where sure that if the he (the model) met him then he would surely fall in love too.

I always get some straight guy callin due to his 'problems' with video, yet I can hear him slappin his monkey around (gee, sounds like everything is working fine).
To that, I always tell them [EXCUSE] the call is costing them money (long distance charges) and that I will send them instructions via e-mail once I have viewed the server logs for blah blah blah [/EXCUSE].

I also get girls and guys calling asking if I am one of the models and if I'd be interested in trading pictures.

My fav is when the smart ones send pics, from the addy on file, and they change the reply address. Oh yah, you fooled me.

The worst one ever was from a recently deflowered Asian woman that was being abused by her boyfriend: he had a membership to one of the beyond gonzo sites and would try the acts on her. Of course, she did not want to lose him cause he really loved her and yadda-yadda, so she obliged.

But when they piss me off, I simply retort with bonus access to the opposite of what they joined ... oh, your straight ... here is some free access to Monster Gay Cocks ... oh, your gay, here is some free access to Lesbian Dreamland.

ROFL that's some sick messsages. Especially the 75 yo + body fluid one

I'm doing some work for an internet dating site that offers online personals. You know, you sign up and you can contact people...pretty simple, right? Apparently not to many people who e-mail us:

"How can I meet women in Albania. Send me phone numbers please."

How can they figure out how to e-mail us but not understand the basic conept of the site?

I also like the pointless e-mails:

"You are pretty."

Do these people have nothing better to do than send totally random meaningless messages to big online companies?

My cat's breath smells like catfood

Oops, I should have e-mailed that to you.

i used to get tons of emails demanding i cancel their memberships (i only owned free sites at the time). the surfers don't realize when they click a link or banner that they're leaving your site. so they basically hold you responsible for anything and everything they join, like or dislike.

I can see that you guys get the same funny shit we do.

How about the ones who join one of our website newsletter lists and send us an email every two minutes waiting for their free password and then calling us frauds for not sending the password. We try to explain that there's a difference between purchasing a membership and entering their email address for a free weekly newsletter and the fact that there's no text intimating or indicating that we are in any way offering free memberships. They just won't see it that way. I guess 1 plus 1 doesn't always equal 2 with some of these guys.

And how many of you have received the idiotic complaints from guys who just watched 10 hours of video on your site (we track that on a continuous basis) and only then do they decide they don't like it and want their money back, then go further by stating that they're an attorney will sue our company and report us (to who I have no idea) and further go on to sign as an attorney. We've contacted some of those "firms" and ask for the guy and they never know who the person is and the rest of the time the firm doesn't exist. When we get a nut like that we just ask him to send a letter to our offices and we'll refund the money- never, ever received a letter in 10 years. It goes on and on and as soon as I have a chance will post some of the super crazy ones. It's great for a laugh.... or should I be very scared :wacko:

Here's a couple which go back to 2002, I have to pull my archive back to get to the ones from 96. These are pasted right from the original. Names are x'd out.

Here's an entrepreneur:
========
Date:
Fri, 26 Apr 2002 23:23:03 -0700 (PDT)

Hi if I bought your videos can I use them on my gay website?

Thanks,
Mark Exxxxxx

===================================
Sure Mark and I'll just close my site down :goofy:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Here's a kindly response from an obvious fan of an old site of ours "TeenSexHouse.com". First note that we never send out an unsolicited email (except for about 100 total in 1996 and this email is from 2002). These go to double opt in addresses only and email addresses are exclusive to us, but this was probably found by some irate parent, office mate etc. Don't you think a simple click on the cancel link would do it:

Subject:
FUCK YOU CUNT WHATS THE PROBLEM WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

Date:
Sat, 31 Aug 2002 12:58:07 +0100


DON'T SEND ME THIS FUCKING CRAP EVER AGAIN. YOU CUNT, MOTHER FUCKER.

================================================== ===
And on the same subject here's a word from another fine surfer, different website - an honestly we never spam. And we give a warning in the newsletter prior to them clicking on the link to the free samples of exactly what they are going to see and we popup another age check before sending them to the page.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++
Date:
Fri, 8 Nov 2002 01:49:05 EST

FUCK YOU BITCH, FUCK YOU BITCH, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU , ASS HOLE, FUCK YOU, FUCK
YOU , ASS HOLE , FUCK YOU , FUCK YOU , SORRY SACK OF SHIT, SORRY SACK OF
SHIT. * MAY DIEASE INFEST YOU

-------------------------------------
Here's the webmasters annotation to that email header: Note::
Checked, the address is not on the list. It may have never been or may have been removed. (edit)
--------------------------------------
This next gentlemen has had a complaint every time he signs up for a membership on one of our sites or purchases VHS and DVD videos from us. I would say he has paid us several thousand dollars in membership fees and video purchases over the years and his complaints are as wacky as they get - an he's still a member.........

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
From:


Subject:
New ticket submission (question)

Date:
Fri, 2 Apr 2004 00:25:55 -0500

There is a new ticket submission.
Ticket details:
Ticket ID: 8617
Logged by: XXXXXXXX
Subject *: question

I note your reference to alleged misuse of name and password. It CLEARLY states in Real Player options the abilty to e-mail a video. Are you saying to hell with them...we prevail and we will cancel your subscription if you send a video via e-mail?
________________________
To this day we haven't solved this problem, but I believe he still tries to share his passwords. Whether he ever figured out the rest of it - I have no idea.

---------
Those are just a few which were from 2002, I really wish I had the time to go through them and post some more. I have some that are 3 and 4 pages long and we truly have to respond with the following: What is it that you need us to do? Thank you. Webmaster. There's just nothing else to say.

I have to report that 99.99% of our members only have good things to say when they write. And if you think by the tone of this email that we have way too many complaints, just remember that we have processed hundreds of thousands of memberships and sold tens of thousands of videos over the last 10 years.

I hope you enjoyed those.

Hal

Got this one this morning. I've edited out the name ane address, just to be nice.

***********
Hello mr hamilton steele. I thik you haave a hot dick an great bottom for a good fuck. i will pay for u all money you wan for a kopy of you bottom. put it in plaster an i think you can fin it in paris the place you live because i will take it home and make pilloes an a hat for my work to wair it there.
i loove you
************

I think this is what he was trying to say.

Hello Mr. Hamilton Steele. I think you have a hot dick and a great bottom. (Next part I think means "my ass is fuckable?")

I will pay you any sum of money you request for a copy of it. You can use plaster of Paris. (I speculate he believes it is easy to obtain because I live in Paris.

When I recieve it I will use as a reference to make pillows and a hat for me to wear (at my work?)

OK...
So I quoted him a price of 500 euro.

Quote:

---

OK...
So I quoted him a price of 500 euro.

---

wonder if you'll get an envelope full of nicely folded bills ... :P

LOL I love those emails... keep'em coming

Just got this one in, a classic:

Oh my lovely Boys ,,I,m so in love with gay boys from Japan ,,,,,and its a obsession to me ,,oh I love you all and if you like just send mess to em ,,,gaycharlie@hotmail.com ....love you all your so cute and so sweet ...oh ,,,,
_________________
Hi my lovely asian boys ,,I love you all and like to have friends for chatt and sex,,,,love you all..

Back in the days when we used to let our members contact our models by email, (using the website as a filter and the model's email was never publicly revealed), we would get members who would write exactly the same exact love letter to each and every model.....

or the ones, like this one, that give you so much informtion that you know exactly which model they are referring to:
----------------------------------------------------
"i watch the video clips on line you have in members area on "exclusive video clips" in this period. i like very much. i'd like to know more about that one. there is a video tape or dvd i can buy? could you tell me more about production or the actor. I think is a thai video.
waiting your answer as soon as possible. Thank you "
------------------------------------------------------

Or the customer who sent us a video mail order, complete with the printed invoice and his passport but did not include any payment information or bank draft/money order.... so we wrote him an email..... and this is his reply


-----------------------------------------------------------
"This is my first shopping online , so i didnt no the correct proceture of sending money order with a check I am sorry if there is any delay , I will sending you a xerox copy of money orders recipt by post ."

-------------------------------------------------------------

I guess we should just send him the videos when we get the xerox copy of the money order..

:)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tombarr

I guess we should just send him the videos when we get the xerox copy of the money order..

:)

---

Xerox a copy of the video and send that to him.

:P

About a month ago I got an email from some guy who wanted to know where to send me money. (Like I'm going to refuse such a reasonable request.)

Today I went to the mail box. Open a strange letter and there was a print out of the email correspondance. Written and signed on the bottom was a "cash mandat" (money order in france) for 50 euro.

He wanted 5 used q-tips from me.

Ok, I admit that in Hammy's world everything is for sale. But I really am dying to know what kind of fetishes are there that people want such things as nose hair clippings and q-tips.

At least twice each year I get something strange and at least twice each year I say "Nothing will surprise me again."

But at least twice each year, I'm surprised.

I got this today.

-------------------------
To: Hamiltonsteele@paris.com
CC:
Subject: pig
Date: Mon, 26 Sep 2005 13:46:10 -0500

Show Full Headers Back To [INBOX]


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
m steele,
I read you biographie and I will tell you reason that you father was murdered.it is because god did not like he allow his wife your mother to be a whore. it is also reason you son died because you are whore to. this is gods way to teach you not to be whore. like god said to isreal *i will cure her backslide*. so god has done this to you becuse you earn this. you mother is filthy whore, you father is pimp, you are whore and pimp so all you family must die. it is you fault. i hope at night you smell scent of you father blood an feel an live his murder all time for each night. this is what you want. the deaths is blood on you hands.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

This guy read my biography and I admit I have my share of issues. And I know this is just some crack pot. I also have a very thick skin and try to roll with bullshit.

But this hurt and it hurt a hell of alot. I had to call my A.A. sponsor because it hurt that much. I loved my son very much it is now going on 3 years later that I'm still dealing with his death.

Is there not a line or a limit or something ethical that prevents people from making such assults?

I write about my baggage because it is like therapy for me. I'm certainly not trying to invite anyone to attack me with this sort of crap.

Ok,
Maybe I'm just making this post to get it off my chest. But shit some crazy emails I could do without. As I'm sure many other people could too.

I guess class and common sense is something you are either born with or without.

Hamilton, you have to see the tragic irony in this man's letter. Here he is saying the absolute lowest and meanest thing he could possible say to you and he's doing it in God's name and feeling perfectly justified to do so. Can anyone be more pathetic than that? He's obviously a hurt individual with no life and no love. You are way better off than he is, don't let him hurt you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by WWC-DonMike

Hamilton, you have to see the tragic irony in this man's letter. Here he is saying the absolute lowest and meanest thing he could possible say to you and he's doing it in God's name and feeling perfectly justified to do so. Can anyone be more pathetic than that? He's obviously a hurt individual with no life and no love. You are way better off than he is, don't let him hurt you.

---

Even more ironic is that the guy is obviously looking for porn to come across Hams site, yet he condems Ham for being a part of the sex industry.

Porn stars don't exist without consumers, you can't have one without the other. Whatever level he puts Ham at, he's at himself for being a consumer, rather ironic :coffee: The things people come up with when hiding safely behind a computer screen and the anonimity of the internet are truly amazing. This guy would NEVER say stuff like this in person, face to face, with anyone.