Pissed off at my parents - would you tell them?

I went down to see my parents last week. I live way up north and they live down south on the isle of wight, so i only talk by phone mostly.

I arrived on the Tuesday to find that my Dog Chip who had been in the family for 17 years had died on the Saturday. They didnt bother to tell me even though they knew how upset i was that she was dieing (she was very old and her health was failing).

All of our pets have been buried in the back garden. I know this is odd and i know its not legal in the UK but i feel that she earned the right to be with the other pets. They let the vet take the body.

At first i was really upset, now im angry.

I know she was "just a dog" but to me she was a part of the family, i mean 17 years we had her. And she put up with so much too. My neice who is very young used to tourment her. My niece should have got bitten many times but Chip never did more than growel.

I think they handled this badly, im wondering if i should tell them how i feel. I know they were upset and had to cope with my niece who was crying alot, so am i being selfish wanting to tell them how upset and angry i am?

Sorry to hear about your loss.

You should absolutely tell them how you feel.

I'm sorry to hear that...

... of course you can tell them and you should - but be polite and think twice about HOW you say something

DEVELISH

One of the things that worries me is that any conversation wouldnt be face to face, im too far away. It would be by phone.

i would tell them but i think i'd tell them by letter. that would enable me to smooth it till it said exactly what i wanted it to. it's easy to say things you don't mean on the phone...

Thats what im worried about. That plus them thinking "its just a dog". Id go mad if they said that.

I know it may seem like im blowing this up but to me she was a big and important part of the family, and they treated her like a cheap piece of meat.

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Originally Posted by marcjacob

Thats what im worried about. That plus them thinking "its just a dog". Id go mad if they said that.

I know it may seem like im blowing this up but to me she was a big and important part of the family, and they treated her like a cheap piece of meat.

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If you think they would say that, then maybe prepare some retorts in advance. For instance, "Maybe to you it was just a dog, but to me it was..." etc. etc.

The letter idea is a good one...but they might choose to ignore it...and then you don't get the diologue going that maybe you need.

to me, love knows no species. i love my cat exactly as i love my son. sure, he can't talk with me but love is love. if you can quantify it, to me that is not love - it may well be affection, but love is absolute.

that being said, there are a lot of people who never fully love their animals because they are animals. there's nothing you can do to change someone's deep seated belief system but accept it is THEIR belief system and not yours and try to come to terms with it.

i'm a little curious why you kept your dog at your parents' house, especially if they let a relative torment the poor thing but i don't think this is an issue about you and your dog - did your parents know you would feel this way or do you assume they should have known?

I'm going to be contrary to everyone else.

I certainly know EXACTLY how you feel. We love our dogs like they were our children. Boney is nearly 17 years old and his health is starting to finally fail. Over the past 10 days... he's had 3 teeth pulled and he suffered enormously during the recovery... he's had updates on his shots that caused an allergic reaction that made him a nervous wreck... and now he is suffering from and eye infection that has caused his eye to nearly seal shut. We have spent almost $1000 on him in 10 days so you know we love that darned mutt.

So... you want to tell your parents (who treat the dog like a piece of meat) how you feel? They will NEVER understand how you feel. They probably can not conceive of how someone can feel the way you do about your dog.

The world is divided into 2 parts as far as pets and animals are concerned... those that treat all animals with love and respect and those who think that they have dominion of all creatures on earth. Non-pet lovers think pet lovers are crazy for caring so much about an animal and they cannot grasp the concept at all. So if you expect your parents to show you any sympathy or express any regret, you are going to be horribly disappointed.

I guess Chip technicaly belonged to my parents as they paid the money for her. My neice (like all young kids) used to tormeant her. Nothing too cruel as the family allways stopped it as soon as it began to start. My point with that is that when she got too close, chip would growel a warning. Many dogs would have bitten. I know they allways stopped my niece and chip was very protective of her. I guess kids need to learn.

I consider her my dog as i wanted her in the first place. I couldnt have ever taken her with me as ive allways lived in either flats (think thats appartements in america) or houses without gardens. Als my parents are retired and allways in wheras im not in that much, due to work. Dogs need constant attention and excersise.

Last time i was down chip was in a state, getting old and deaf and a bit blind. Not wanting walks and so on. I got upset when they went to bed. They knew that, so they must have known that id be upset at her death.

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Originally Posted by Xstr8guy

I'm going to be contrary to everyone else.

I certainly know EXACTLY how you feel. We love our dogs like they were our children. Boney is nearly 17 years old and his health is starting to finally fail. Over the past 10 days... he's had 3 teeth pulled and he suffered enormously during the recovery... he's had updates on his shots that caused an allergic reaction that made him a nervous wreck... and now he is suffering from and eye infection that has caused his eye to nearly seal shut. We have spent almost $1000 on him in 10 days so you know we love that darned mutt.

So... you want to tell your parents (who treat the dog like a piece of meat) how you feel? They will NEVER understand how you feel. They probably can not conceive of how someone can feel the way you do about your dog.

The world is divided into 2 parts as far as pets and animals are concerned... those that treat all animals with love and respect and those who think that they have dominion of all creatures on earth. Non-pet lovers think pet lovers are crazy for caring so much about an animal and they cannot grasp the concept at all. So if you expect your parents to show you any sympathy or express any regret, you are going to be horribly disappointed.

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and that i agree with! i think thats very true.

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Originally Posted by marcjacob

and that i agree with! i think thats very true.

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That's why you have friends like us! We understand how you feel. :)

When i was a kid my dog benjie died. I went mute for a week, no school no nothing. Thats why i cant have a dog again, hurts to much to loose a pet.

Dude, if i was you i would tell my perants. Not for sympathy but to make them realise.

Sorry for your loss, I would definitely tell them- but before you call consider what they went through perhaps they were so sadden by it that they are coping with it in a weird or odd way. If it was hard for you; imagine being there all the time, not that they loved her more. Call and say exactly how you feel, give them a chance to explain their feelings and perhaps you can understand why they acted like that and at the end of the day you can all feel better. I just had a similar experience with my father and I was angry too until I realized that he was dealing in a different way because he was hurting so badly.

I was livid when my dog died while I was at college and my parents didn't tell me until a week after it happened. He was MY dog.

My cat is my one true soul mate at this point in my life. She is the most loyal companion I've ever had. We cuddle and hang out and even "chat" with each other all the time. She's the GREATEST partner I could have ever asked for. So I understand anyone's attachment to their pet.

A pet might be a pet, but it's a living creature, and bonds can be formed between humans and pets that far transcend the bonds we make between humans.

Anyone who says "it's just a dog" or "it's just a pet" has no idea what they are talking about. I hate that mentality.

Tell you parents how you feel, but don't do it in a letter. They are your parents, for God's sake, not a boyfriend you've broken up with. Just be honest without being angry or without attacking them.

Say something like, "This is over now, and there's nothing that can be done about it, and you'll probably think I'm over-reacting because to you it was just a dog, but I just want to say that I was really hurt that you didn't tell me that [insert pet's name here] died, and he wasn't buried with the other pets in the back yard. I'm not trying to attack you; I just want you to know how I feel about this. I was really hurt."

That's how I would handle it anyway. Honesty and directness always.

The vet may actually still have the dog.

It could still be in the freezer awaiting pickup by the crematorium. It really depends on how busy that vet is and what size their freezers are.

That is so sad! I know how you feel Marc. My grandfather had to put his cat of 18 years to sleep because she couldn't be vaccinated without being sedated (mean ol'bitch she was), but it hurt him so bad. My grandmother (his wife) couldn't understand why he didn't immediately throw away all her toys and cat box.

You know what I did? I told her exactly why he didn't. Because he loved her!! How would she feel if, the day after she died he just threw out all her things because she was dead. Not here so doesn't need them. She's never bonded with an animal before so she doesn't understand. She thinks she has some sort of understanding but she admits she just can't feel that way about an animal.

My mother to this DAY cannot look at a Dauchsand without busting into tears at the memories of our dog Macheun. She had that dog 2 years before I was born and she survived my toddler years without even making a small snap at me. Like you said marc she just growled when I got too close to her bed. Mom loved that dog and I was just as sad when she died.

Now I've got my baby, Bizzy. She turned 6 this year and I hope to keep her around until she's 20 if I can pull it. I talk to her, she talks to me, she sleeps with me, and she constantly wants to be with me. Its a love I can't fathom but enjoy and am enriched by everyday I come home and she's waiting for me at the door. The day she dies, I will be a nervous wreck for who knows how long.

So tell your parents. Do it in a rational way since they have the "its just a dog" mentality. You can compare it to something they treasure, could be anything, even something not alive. They know what it means to have something mean the world to them, so thats my 2 cents.

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Originally Posted by marcjacob

I know she was "just a dog"

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Hey, dogs really ARE family. I really feel bad for you, dude








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Thanks everyone, youve really been a geat help.

I could plan a tript in January.

XXXWriter, thanks i may use that :)

I feel very sad for you, MarcJacob.
My furry friends have always meant more to me than people, and I do understand (the heartbreak as well the frustration).

My dad was looking after Leo, my malamute puppy. I stressed to him to not walk him off-leash, which he did.

I came home after a trip, anxious to see my pup, only to be met with the horrible news that he ran away.

For 10-days I walked around Millwoods (where I used to live), posting notices and calling out for him.
On the eleventh day he slipped. I was eating, and getting read to go out to continue looking for Leo when he said something that sounded like I dressed him and placed him beside Suzy (yes ...& the Banshees) ...

I moved out of Millwoods as well I did not see or speak to him for close to one year! I now only "talk" @ him out of respect for my moms!

As for the burying loved ones in the backyard - we do it also, whether or not law "allows".

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Originally Posted by XXXWriterDude

I was livid when my dog died while I was at college and my parents didn't tell me until a week after it happened. He was MY dog.

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A stray dog i'd grown attached to for months was taken to a pound and, I can only assume, was put to sleep later on while I was at school. Yes, by my parents. I mean letting me get attatched to her, and then to just take her away while my back was turned ... That sucked.



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