Do you ever feel ashamed of what you do?

I was in a club about a week ago, very very drunk. I told this guy about the porn sites - he asked what i did for a living (almost as if i did it full time lol).

He wasnt that impressed - in fact he seriously looked down on me, like im some sort of pervert. Hes probably brought some of the porn i promo!

Im wondering about you guys who do it full time. What do you tell your parents, how do you feel when you put it on tax returns (i put "marketing" - ill tell you if they except it next april - i think before i put adult entertainment but i was younger then!).

Do you ever feel ashamed or has anyone ever made you feel that way?

The way I see it... I dont rub it in there face..but if they ask I tell them.

If they dont like it, then its tough shit, its not my problem.

I see no reason to hide what I do, nor do I throw it about.

Its a balance between honesty and not telling everyone, just because you do porn..although like i just said... its there problem, not mine :)

LOL, its not the first thing I bring up but most guys really like the idea, this has to be one of the most competitive fields in the world now days because just about everyone and their brother wants to do it. Generally negative reactions like that has more to do with that particular persons own feeling of antiquates and has nothing to do with you at all. Besides shame is not a emotion I manifest very often.

my mother has always known what i do, and my experience is that if you don't feel bad about what you do, most people are interested rather than looking down on you.

and no one COULD make me feel that way. i have accomplished more doing this than any of my mainstream working friends have accomplished in their jobs, skilled or otherwise.

doing this, i have developed all sorts of marketing skills, i know tons more than the average person about search engines, i can now create and edit videos, pics and animations. i can do html, some java, css and even a teeny tiny amount of php and because of adult, i can now find a great server deal even for non adult sites - because i understand hosting better.

i also learned about printing when we started out - not tons, but a lot more than i knew going in. and i know lots of small useful things - LOTS!

not to mention that in 1996 my son and i spent around $1500 and have been supporting ourselves from money earned from that original investment ever since. that money supports two households. not bad for a $1500 investment.

nope, i have nothing to be ashamed of.

Me ashamed?

No not at all. Remember, presentation is everything.

But it is just like your sexual orientation, our profession is something that stangers could negatively misinterpret when divulged in inappropriate situations.

I'd say that pretty much all of my friends know, and I told my parents over a year ago. Specifically in the case of my mom and many of my friends, they were delighted and relieved, because I think after seeing me flounder about for seven years lost, living on pennies after giving up a very good "real job"... they were all scratching their heads over what it was I was doing with my life.

This year I took my mom to Vegas for her birthday, and my friends don't have to give me car rides everywhere.....

Plus I've had many fun eposides. People talk.

I recently was buying a beer from the patio bartender at one of my hangouts. This bartender and I are always friendly and we know each other by name. Well he was handng me my beer and he asked with a grin "so what it the address to your web cam?" And I replied, "My webcam?"

He explained that he had "heard" that I did these "shows" on a webcam in my bedroom. This was the first of the many weird and varyed misinterpretations of what I do for a living. I corrected him, but people still joke about it... and that's ok.

In fact when I told my mom about friskyfans... I wanted to be absolutely clear, so I specified --- "I don't *do* porn.... I just write about it."

And I've made that same point to others subsequently. It gets a little laugh, and allows you to control it so that any tension vanishes.

Steve

Yes i do, there are several people in the industry that make me feel ashamed to call myself an adult webmaster, thats not even including GFY.

The bar has been lowered far to much, nowadays its shameful the amount of people using that term.

Regards,

Lee

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Originally Posted by Lee

Yes i do, there are several people in the industry that make me feel ashamed to call myself an adult webmaster, thats not even including GFY.

The bar has been lowered far to much, nowadays its shameful the amount of people using that term.

Regards,

Lee

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Yes especially people posting on boards without even 1 working website but being in the industry posting for over 5 years ;) amazing

People talk.

Steve

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Originally Posted by basschick

my mother has always known what i do,

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My mother and her husband not only know what I do, they offered to help me sell my videos in their hometown.

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Originally Posted by basschick

not to mention that in 1996 my son and i spent around $1500 and have been supporting ourselves from money earned from that original investment ever since. that money supports two households. not bad for a $1500 investment.

nope, i have nothing to be ashamed of.

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That is something to DEFINATELY be proud of. An example of what is called the "American Dream", despite the industry acceptance issue.
A big hearty "Good on Ya" (sorry borrowed that from an aussie friend) to you and your son!

I'm not uncomfortable about it, and neither is AJ. In fact, his 98 year old great-grandmother has helped us with negotiation strategies and advice, and while he was waiting to settle on his house and staying with his dad, there were about 10,000 porn DVDs in practically every room of his dad's house (including when the mayor came over for lunch.)

The things that do make me uncomfortable are not about us and the way we run our company, but some of the REALLY sleazy stuff that some people do in the name of profits. I'm talking about the people whose sites install malware on people's computers, or the sites that grossly misrepresent their content, or lie, cheat, and misrepresent things to their models in order to get them to perform, or to bareback, or whatever.

Of course, that sort of sleaze exists in every industry, but the adult industry has a seedier reputation, deserved or not, because of the type of content we produce, and so any sort of sleaze is amplified that much more.

I'm not ashamed of what I do. I remember when my parents completely freaked out and thought I was going to jail because I did porn. I still don't talk to them much about it. My boyfriends parents know everything and are very supportive as well as all my friends. I have always wanted my own business and it really seems like the perfect business to be in. I have met some amazing people and where else do people actually help each other out regardless if they are competition.

Like Chip said I am only ashamed of the fraud and some of the business practices that some companies do. I do think that what comes around goes around and hopefully those companies will one day pay.

Mark

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Originally Posted by Squirt

Yes especially people posting on boards without even 1 working website but being in the industry posting for over 5 years ;) amazing

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Funny that, i dont have a single working website yet i get checks on a weekly basis from sponsors i promote. Good trick huh.

The only thing I am ashamed of in this industry is those self proclaimed moral compasses, we have around that love to tell other people what content they feel is acceptable, and this school yard mentality some webmasters have. You know 99% of all this is just BS, and just new ways to promote their programs, and discredit other hard working webmasters/photographers. :bs:

Well new year and all that, i might prepare my folks for it. I thinks its pretty brave of those of you whos parents know. Ill tell them its extra cash which is true but im working on going full time. If they disown me ill blame you lot lol (joke of course).

I'm not ashamed, hell I'm proud that something I create could get someone's rocks off. It is all about how you present it and understanding the person you are telling. If you know they don't have the mentality or the personality to deal with it, then I don't bring it up.

My parents know. Mom is one of my main editors, though that may change now that she's graduated from law school. hehe, at least i always have a lawyer handy. My dad doesn't care, though he did confess he doens't want me doing pics or videos for fear of finding them while surfing HIS porn. Two of my dad's brothers know. One is gay and asking for suggestions for sites, the other is so far leftist he thinks I'm "fighting the man" by being a woman in the gay male section.

My grandparents....well....they don't know. And hopefully won't until I can completely support myself with it. Neither are of the mentality to accept that their sweet innocent darling granddaughter works in porn. I'm their angel, and I'll let them keep that little false image until the time is right. My dad's youngest brother and my mom's brother don't know because they are the conservative ones of the family and frankly I don't want to listen to them bitch to me about how "immoral" I'm acting. Fuck them and their morality.

Of my friends, nearly all my closest friends know. A few at my joe job know as well but those are ones I trust to not spread it around. My other job doesn't need to know what I do in my own home.

it's not brave for me - it simply that if someone really can't accept me for who i am, i don't need them in my life. after all, having someone in your life whose constant message to me is "you're not a good person" is harmful to me.

and since my mom is who taught me to be myself and be proud of whatever i do, i can't see that i was ever in any real danger of her not speaking to me.

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Originally Posted by marcjacob

Well new year and all that, i might prepare my folks for it. I thinks its pretty brave of those of you whos parents know. Ill tell them its extra cash which is true but im working on going full time. If they disown me ill blame you lot lol (joke of course).

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Ashamed? Not one single bit. At 30 years of age I dumped my big career job with the big salary because my doctor told me I'd be dead in two years. I decided to start doing things that I really liked. I began to look upon work as being a means to get money to do the things that I wanted. It didn't define who I was.

So after managing a hotel reservation call center for several years, I had no problems working in a bath house, then a bar, and finally a video store. While at the video store, I taught myself Photoshop and Dreamweaver, and eventually landed my first job at MANcheck. A year and a half later, I lost my job. Broke and unemployed, I bought my first five picture sets and started my little corner of the Web. Today people all over the globe look at the stuff I create. What do I have to be ashamed of? And as we seen by page-fucking Republicans, or meth-using Christian bottom boys, the people who try to make us feel bad about what we do are often the biggest hippocrites.

So the next time someone tries to make you feel badly about what you do, just lean in closely and whisper, "Everyone has a porn magazine under their mattress. So the next time you've got your cock in one hand and your porn magazine in the other, think of me."

Michael

Sorry to say this but you really picked this career to reduce your stress? What did you do before this? Work for Child Protective Services, or as a Day Trader?

I managed a call center for hotel reservations, so everything was judged by how quickly your people answered the phone. Try having 35 agents on the floor all on calls with another 100 in queue waiting to be answered, that's stress.

I don't find this work particularly stressful. I'm my own boss, I work when and how much I want, I can work in my underwear, I can take cat petting breaks whenever I wantt, I like what I do, and I don't have anyone screaming at me to be more productive. Sure there are stresses when sponsors go tits up and don't pay you, etc. but overall, I enjoy my work.

Michael

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Originally Posted by Dzinerbear

I managed a call center for hotel reservations, so everything was judged by how quickly your people answered the phone. Try having 35 agents on the floor all on calls with another 100 in queue waiting to be answered, that's stress.

I don't find this work particularly stressful. I'm my own boss, I work when and how much I want, I can work in my underwear, I can take cat petting breaks whenever I wantt, I like what I do, and I don't have anyone screaming at me to be more productive. Sure there are stresses when sponsors go tits up and don't pay you, etc. but overall, I enjoy my work.

Michael

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lol! Cat petting breaks. Everyone needs those breaks. And Cat with Laser pointer breaks. That always makes me smile.:sunny:

I did not used to be a stressed out as I am right now I guess, its just that right now I am doing 2 or 3 full time jobs at one time. I could go on about all the jobs I am doing right now, but I think most of you get what I am saying so I will spare you all that, besides who has the time to type all that crap LOL.

I have never had a sponsor go under that I know of, normally if the conversion ratios suck I do not use them so it really has not come up yet. Anyway other than losing a few recurring members, and some banner changes not really much to worry about there. I do on the other hand worry much more about these LL following in AVS’s footsteps now days. We are in a transition phase (at least I hope) with allot of the existing LL on the way out really do to them trying to maximize their profits at our expense, and we are still waiting for some new guys to step up to the plate and replace them. This is just how I see things working, as the LL take less and less sites from the “outside” the more and more their sites become stale and their viewers become more and more inundated by the same sites pushing the same products. Sorry but I am a capitalist and believe in the open market, and competition. With out true competition between webmasters things become stagnate that’s just how the world works:boring:

I do wish Lee would add a soap box smiley for me ;)

I'm not ashamed at all, and I agree that we are all providing a very important product that people want and appreciate.

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I do on the other hand worry much more about these LL following in AVS’s footsteps now days. We are in a transition phase (at least I hope) with allot of the existing LL on the way out really do to them trying to maximize their profits at our expense, and we are still waiting for some new guys to step up to the plate and replace them.

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I agree about this with you Max. Ive also noticed alot of LL starteed making up twisted rules or just plainly rejecting perfectly regular sites. Even when they list you the traffic is nowhere near to what it used to be just a year ago. Basically you can make several new sites, get them listed with several LL and not make a dime. It's not encouraging.

Just for example... linkmeallover (and JUB in the first year of their existance) used to send me thousands and thousands of hits to a site, and this really did produce quite a nice number of signups. Today it's 100-300 hits and probably no signups at all.

I'm not optimistic regarding somebody new taking LL job in the manner it used to be though. I think everyone will have to build his own traffic with blogs, review sites etc... but what will happen when blogs become oldfashioned? :bigears:

I run a successful business that I started myself to fulfill a demand. I have grown it over the last 6 years and stuck through some hard times to get to my level of success. I do it well, so I am proud of it!

cheers!
Luke

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Originally Posted by Ben

I agree about this with you Max. Ive also noticed alot of LL starteed making up twisted rules or just plainly rejecting perfectly regular sites. Even when they list you the traffic is nowhere near to what it used to be just a year ago. Basically you can make several new sites, get them listed with several LL and not make a dime. It's not encouraging.

Just for example... linkmeallover (and JUB in the first year of their existance) used to send me thousands and thousands of hits to a site, and this really did produce quite a nice number of signups. Today it's 100-300 hits and probably no signups at all.

I'm not optimistic regarding somebody new taking LL job in the manner it used to be though. I think everyone will have to build his own traffic with blogs, review sites etc... but what will happen when blogs become oldfashioned? :bigears:

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I must say that I believe JUB has done a excellent job in avoiding most of the stagnation issues I see for so many LL now and in the future. I really do try not to call out any one site or service when talking about issues like this, but I do think just like UGAS in the AVS market JUB where the LL that blazed this trail to hell for most of us. I really have nothing but respect for the guys at JUB as I do see them as a leader in many ways, but that said I do not believe where they are leading us is necessarily a good place for the industry as a whole.

Before you think I am just calling out JUB I will say at least they still take real submissions from webmasters, and do return some traffic. This is much more than many LL do now days :rain:

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I must say that I believe JUB has done a excellent job in avoiding most of the stagnation issues I see for so many LL now and in the future. I really do try not to call out any one site or service when talking about issues like this, but I do think just like UGAS in the AVS market JUB where the LL that blazed this trail to hell for most of us. I really have nothing but respect for the guys at JUB as I do see them as a leader in many ways, but that said I do not believe where they are leading us is necessarily a good place for the industry as a whole.

Before you think I am just calling out JUB I will say at least they still take real submissions from webmasters, and do return some traffic. This is much more than many LL do now days

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Oh don't get me wrong, I didn't mean to say anything bad about JUB either. I mentioned them just because they are huge and used to send really massive traffic to submitted free sites, it converted very well and that's why the difference is that easier to notice.

I still like them, they accept sites and occassionally the traffic will convert. But it's not like in the old days and I don't think we can rely solely on that kind of traffic any more. Which really sucks cause I suck at generating traffic on my own :(

I'll care what people think of me when they pay my rent.

Naw, I never feel ashamed, but I do understand that certain people in my family have a problem with porn, so I just don't tell them what I do. It's not about shame; it's about avoiding drama, period. Of course, pretty much the only person that doesn't know what I really do is my mother. Well, OK, and my father. Everyone else in the family knows, and everyone in the family pretty much agrees that there's just no sense in bringing it up, because Don and Jean just won't understand. :)

But I tell everyone I meet what I do, and I have no qualms with it. Also, because I have a very psychological, sociological goal in mind when it comes to adult entertainment, a lot of people are very interested to talk with me about my job and my vision for adult content. To me, it's not just about sex and money; it's about promoting sex-positive messages within the gay community, and when you approach it from that POV, people are a lot more apt to treat you with respect.

I am not ashamed of what I do. My entire family knows except for my Great Grandmother and we won't tell her because she would probably fall over dead. She's a bible beater. They don't care what I do as long as I am not in the videos it doesn't bother them. I think they just worry about seeing me in a video that they buy lol. I don't plan on doing that so I don't really worry about it. People always ask me and what I tell them is that I am a Internet traffic broker and that I buy and sell traffic for all types of sites which is kind of true. It's not really lying lol. I love what I do and really don't care what people think. It's a great living. I don't think I could do anything else at this point. I see myself doing this until I retire.

I am not ashamed, being self employed gay internet since DEC 99.

Well.. I remain the unmarried Uncle to many.

I am not ashamed at all. Ever. Just about everyone knows what I do...family, friends, etc. The only time I ever feel ashamed is when I read some of the posts on this (and other) boards and think to myself

"These are the people that I am associated with."

Some people can be such idiots that it makes me want to go back and work retail. Oh wait...no...it just makes me want to whip them silly, and not in the good way.

IDIOTS :whip:

I am no closet dweller!
EVERYBODY that I know knows exactly what I do. My 80+yo Ma & Pa, my sister, brothers, nieces, nephews, neighbours (especially the bible pumpers) landlady & my flatm8’s girlfriend know! Even the loads of redneck skiers, that post on the same board as I, know that I look at naked homosexual and heterosexual men daily.

I try hard to not live a life if lies because I believe it (lying) is for chumps used car sales persons and those without a backbone. Even the supposed tiny or white lie makes me sick to my stomach!
It is one of the most despicable acts we humans can do!

If a person asks I tell them, whether or not my career choice sways their thoughts of me. If any person I am acquainted with changes their thoughts of me merely because of my choice of occupation I dump their ass, and rarely communicate with them ever again --- I see no reason for me to deal with negative persons whom are stuck in that era &/or way of thinking.

I will admit that I do quite often use it as a weapon to protect me from those whom I am truly not interested in. Such as those religion spammers whom seem incapable of reading the signs, I have posted on my door ... NO SOLICITATION!

I truly believe sex is something worth celebrating, not something that should be shoved in to the shadowy or dark corners.

If I have learned anything the past 2+ years is ...

You can't bring the porn to the ppl .. the ppl have to come to the porn. Lifelong kinky Friends have a different attitude about our business. Seems it was fine, playing with subs, as long as it was free.

I'm not ashamed of what I do, just cautious as to who needs to know. The DOJ doesn't concern me as much as some Fundie living 3 blocks away, who has issues with our legal businesses.

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Originally Posted by TropixxxStudios

Some people can be such idiots that it makes me want to go back and work retail. Oh wait...no...it just makes me want to whip them silly, and not in the good way.
IDIOTS :whip:

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I simply had to return to this thread to add the following: Goldies blessing in disguise made me feel shame, and disgust for what our industry is capable of!

In my experience, people are only weird about what I do if I behave as if I am in the least bit ashamed or embarrassed.

The moment I am shy about it though... oh do the questions ever become prurient.

Also - working in the gay world gets me much less interest than working in straight fetish.

Some people can be such idiots that it makes me want to go back and work retail. Oh wait...no...it just makes me want to whip them silly, and not in the good way.

I say the same thing, once a year about waitressing. But the legs wouldn't hold up, and I much prefer PJs over a uniform. Retail? Never enough money.

we are not in the least bit ashamed - never have been - never will be

we are proud to be in the porn business along side the other businesses here in Beverly Hills, where we work and live - we are proud to be licensed by our city and are respected by our neighbors for the fact that we are successful BUSINESS owners who are in a branch of the entertainment industry that many know and understand

as long as you respect yourself and your integrity and have ethics and morals, and produce a decent product, you can hold your head up and move forward through life - people will then respect you

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Originally Posted by Madame0120

I'm not ashamed of what I do, just cautious as to who needs to know. The DOJ doesn't concern me as much as some Fundie living 3 blocks away, who has issues with our legal businesses.

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Excellent point.

i refuse to be ashamed for what others do. disgusted - yes.

and btw, arie works in mainstream and the same bad business exists there. our industry is not responsible for people being idiots or assholes - it seems to be universal.

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Originally Posted by Paco

I simply had to return to this thread to add the following: Goldies blessing in disguise made me feel shame, and disgust for what our industry is capable of!

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