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Hey guys,
Have a tricky one for you. This guy I've known for about five years (he's gay) just asked me out (I'm not) what is the nicest way you guys have ever been let down, I want to be nice to this guy, he's a great mate.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Cheers,
Allan
ok.... he's known you for five years, and presumably has known you're straight for five years but asked you out anyway?
Buddy, he doesn't need to be let down gently, he needs to be hit over the head with a large, heavy object. This may reset his grip on reality. He's obviously lost it, or has never had one to begin with.
Why don't you say somethng like "OK... I'm straight... you know this... what would make you think I'd wanna go out with you? Did you miss the whole... yoou-have-a-penis thing?"
Use the age old line..
Im not gay but have gay friends who i can hook you up with ;)
Regards,
Lee
wow...that's a little more bitter than i expected from someone who is KNOWN for seducing str8 men. granted, getting someone drunk and fucking him once is a different ball game entirely from actually asking someone out on a "date" ... and you're right, bitter, but right. luv you :)Quote:
Originally posted by Jasun
ok.... he's known you for five years, and presumably has known you're straight for five years but asked you out anyway?
Buddy, he doesn't need to be let down gently, he needs to be hit over the head with a large, heavy object. This may reset his grip on reality. He's obviously lost it, or has never had one to begin with.
Why don't you say somethng like "OK... I'm straight... you know this... what would make you think I'd wanna go out with you? Did you miss the whole... yoou-have-a-penis thing?"
You know, I had a crush on a straight guy once. I was really into him and we had a great friendship. Sometimes you're blinded to the bigger issue of sexuality when you think there is a bond between you and someone else. He may think that you would be open to trying (which, in this day and age isn't really so strange) or that you feel the same way about him regardless of your being straight. I'd say let him down gently. Tell him you value his friendship and that you do like him as a friend, but that you just don't have sexual feelings for men and that would really hamper your ability to make take things in a physical direction with your friendship.
i don't know how well he knows you, but reminding him you're straight really should do it. if he knows fairly well, and knows your actively straight, perhaps he's rather self-centered.
they say it never hurts to ask, but it can really change a friendship to ask someone when you're not respecting their sexuality or boundaries.
I guess I deserved that... and it's true, one of my favorite things is to get straight guys to give it up...just once...and I've been more than a little successful.Quote:
Originally posted by 123Jason
wow...that's a little more bitter than i expected from someone who is KNOWN for seducing str8 men.
However, I'd never try it with a friend (especially a friend of five years), and I'd never actually ask straight guys out... I just manage to find myself in social situations where I can weasel out the drunk-and-kinda-curious guys.
And maybe the hitting the guy over the head is a bit harsh. In my defence, I just gave up coffee.
And quit smoking.
cum visit me...i have a great way for you to work out all those frustrations ;)
At the same time???? Dude best of luck!Quote:
Originally posted by Jasun
I just gave up coffee.
And quit smoking.
I tried that once... Nearly cleared out a WalMart when a clerk said something stupid - not pretty.
NOTE: Do not provoke Jasun!
Hugs,
Gary-Alan
Want me to play straight? :blush:Quote:
Originally posted by Jasun
I guess I deserved that... and it's true, one of my favorite things is to get straight guys to give it up...just once...and I've been more than a little successful.
Regards,
Lee
Oz,
I'm with a lot of folks here. If you've been friends for 5 years, he should know better.
To be honest, my response would be that you value his friendship (if you do) but that your not gay. And, pretending otherwise would be a lie. If you did anything to make him believe that you were interested in him, beyond your friendship, it was unintentional.
That's the softest response I can think of.
And like Don, I had a crush on a straight friend a while ago (and I know he had one on me too). But I kept the constant reminder that it would go no where if we pursued it (and we would no longer be friends). We're still good friends. The inuendos fly (but that's part of the fun in our friendship). He's happily married, I'm hapily married and we all know each other.
If you let him know softly, and then continues to pursue something, Jasun's method comes to mind ;)
Hope this helps.
My best,
Gary-Alan
Let him down easy, eh?... try this:
"Your dick is too small. NEXT!!!!!"
OH man, and it's been that kind of day, too.Quote:
Originally posted by Gary-Alan
At the same time???? Dude best of luck!
I tried that once... Nearly cleared out a WalMart when a clerk said something stupid - not pretty.
NOTE: Do not provoke Jasun!
But I'll be fine... Today while walking to work, I past all those big tall buildings in the finantial district, and every single doorway and space and bench and corner is filled with all these suits and secretaries puffing away.. it was odd.. I walk past there every day and I'd never noticed that before. I must have seen about 200 people just desperately sucking away on their cigarettes...kinda made me sick, really.
I'll just have to find something better to suck on...
Lee... you said you can play straight, right?
Well I guess i'll put my two cents in on this one. I have tons of "straight" friends but over time they have become curious. Most people know at least one person that wasnt gay but after that "drunken night" or at least thats what they blame it on, now are or at least they are open to it. This is something that sticks in your mind especially when you have strong feelings for someone that is straight and wish they were gay. You never really know until you ask them out. I mean you dont go and ask them "Hey are you still straight today" so over time, especially if you have a close relationship its most likely going to happen. Just tell him you are still straight, nothing has changed but do it in a good way. You dont want to lose
Well I guess i'll put my two cents in on this one. I have tons of "straight" friends but over time they have become curious. Most people know at least one person that wasnt gay but after that "drunken night" or at least thats what they blame it on, now are or at least they are open to it. This is something that sticks in your mind especially when you have strong feelings for someone that is straight and wish they were gay. You never really know until you ask them out. I mean you dont go and ask them "Hey are you still straight today" so over time, especially if you have a close relationship its most likely going to happen. Just tell him you are still straight, nothing has changed but do it in a good way. You dont want to lose a good friend over something like this. :thumbsup:
Wow,
I didn't expect such a huge response from everyone. Thanks.
I agree with you guys that letting him down nicely is the best option. I never thought to actually analyse the reasons why he asked me but from what you guys said it makes more sense that if he's really interested that it would have taken a great deal of courage on his part to ask.
I think I'll just take it as a compliment that he thinks I'm attractive (it doesn't hurt to have positive reinforcement occassionally). I guess the best way to put it to him is that I've known him for a long time and that it wouldn't work between us because I am not interested in or attracted to other guys and that whilst it's unfortunate, I'd still like to be friends.
Thanks once again everyone, I didn't particularly want to absolutely crush him.
Cheers,
Allan
Allan,
Let us know how it goes im sure a lot of us will be wondering :)
Hopefully it will work out so you can still remain friends with this guy :)
Regards,
Lee
Just a little postscript for you all.
We had a D & M last night and I basically explained the situation to him, i.e. that it wouldn't work because I'm not interested in men etc. I also mentioned that I took it as a compliment and that I can understand how hard it was for him to broach the topic with me.
Admittedly he was a little upset but he understood where I was coming from and I particularly emphasised the point that this would not affect our friendship in any way, shape or form.
We ended up going out for coffee afterwards and all is well, I even mentioned (later on when he had cheered up) that I had some really great friends in the US that I could introduce him to should he ever be over that way.
Cheers and thanks for all your help once again.
Allan
Oh thats awesome news Allan :groovy:
Glad it went well and you two are still friends :)
Now on another note.. you know of at least one guy you can approach if you ever decide to get into the gay content biz ;)
Regards,
Lee
True, and as they say once you know one they always have friends ;)
Allan
ozmale...
THanks for the follow up.
Glad to hear it went well. It's a precarious situation. And could have gone either way. I'm so happy it went the right way for you.
My best,
Gary-Alan
Glad it went well for you Allan ... just follow through on the "we're still friends" part ... if you'd been doing stuff together prior, like out for a drink, or grabbing a ball game together ... don't stop! He'll need to see he didn't totally screw up the friendship, if that makes sense.
Will do Bec,Quote:
Originally posted by LdyLnWolf1
Glad it went well for you Allan ... just follow through on the "we're still friends" part ... if you'd been doing stuff together prior, like out for a drink, or grabbing a ball game together ... don't stop! He'll need to see he didn't totally screw up the friendship, if that makes sense.
As far as I'm concerned nothing has changed between us (although for him maybe it has) he's still my bud and that's it as far as I'm concerned.
Allan
Hey Allan,
I'm very happy to hear that this went over well. Speaking as someone who has gone through it from the other side, you totally did the right thing. When I pined for a straight guy, I never told him about my feeling until years later, after he had moved away and we hadn't seen each other in a long time. But even though I knew it wouldn't go anywhere that posibility was always there. But being able to close that chapter and move on is one of the best things one can do for themselves. So even though it was a sad moment for him, he's much better off. And you guys came out of it with your friendship intact. So good for you. That's just awesome. :)