im giving up... (a personal rant)

... on boys. guys. men. males in general.

im finding that more & more people expect me to like guys my age. why? because im 30. i cant even talk to a younger guy without getting shot down & insulted. called a troll. even just saying 'hi' gets me a dirty look and a cold shoulder.

meanwhile, anyone in their late teens or early twenties is 'allowed' to go after anyone they want. guys my age feel honored when a young one talks to them or expresses an interest, and the younger group just has a natural bond with boys their age. but god forbid someone older expresses an interest in a younger guy.

im not saying anything is wrong or right, we all have our opinions, morals & desires, and we all like different things. i just find it frustrating that its impossible to talk to anyone that im remotely attracted to or want to be friends with, simply because im 30.

so where does this leave me? some say there are plenty of younger guys who want someone my age. others say i shouldnt waste my time, because we all age, and today's 20 year old cutie is tomorrow's 30 year old troll. both are true i guess. but i like what i like, and i dont see that changing.

bleh... anyway... i could go on & on... this weekend was just weird and im feeling philosophical. i guess being single is fine.

rant over
:crybaby: :crybaby:

Mate, 30 is young still...its not like you are in the geriatric ward yet! If your friends are judging you then maybe you should either bitch-slap them or dump em!

cheer up, there are plenty of hotties in the 20-35 age bracket that would be more than happy to go out with a 30 year old.


cheers,
Luke

30 year old Troll?

Geez, I may as well go lay down in the dirt and wait to die.

It's possible your approach is all wrong.. young guys can get turned off if you act like you're older and going after a younger guy. I remember being 21 and being kinda creeped out when a guy in his 30s or 40s came up to me like the stranger with candy, but I'd be all over the guys who did it right. Relating to younger guys on their level is the key... (If you ever make it up here to Toronto, let's go out and I'll show you what I mean)

Second... there's plenty of hot men in their 30s out there who aren't going through that whole "21 and all that" phase that you don't need. I can't believe you can't find a guy closer to your age that you don't find remotely attractive.

LOL. Dale it's called getting old buddy. I'm sure it will only get worse. Sounds like it's time to accept:

1. Paying for it one way or another (semi-sugar daddy)
2. Go after guys your age
3. Prepare to go without sex for a long time and pick up the occasional young cutie once or twice a year.

their are plenty of us in the same boat dear. I feel for ya.

Dale,

There's hope! There really is. I'm 37 and Lee is 26. I wasn't looking for more than a bit of fun. Then Lee came into my life and it got serious.

I did like most of the guys I met my own age. And would never have thought I'd end up with a younger man. But I did. And if there is hope for ME there is hope for you. Maybe you need to review your 'approach' like Jasun mentioned.

GA

Dang... Joe, how true is that list!?! LOL

I really can't agree that just because you're 30 you can't meet, date and otherwise associate with younger men.

I'm 35, and I have absolutely no trouble meeting men younger, older or my age.... and I don't think I'm rare at all. My two gay friends are both younger than I am, and although one generally only goes out with guys closer to his own age, the other guy often dates men who are up to 10 years older than he is... when I was 22, I went out with a guy who was 44, and when I was 23, I went out with a guy who was 32. I really didn't care about their ages (actually, I thought that the 44 year old was so hot it hurt, and the fact that he was twice my age made me burn even hotter.)

Remember that being 30 and trying to look and act 21 just makes you look lame.

Once you're older, being cool requires a whole new set of rules, clothes and yes, a bit of cash... DO NOT THINK I'm saying you need to pay the guys, I mean younger men will be attracted to an older man with a nice car, a motorcycle (actaully, everyone likes that), cool clothes, a cool place, and who does cool things.

At 30, it's time to ditch the beer coolers, lemonade drinks or sweet, sugary martinis and go for a single male Scotch.

Stop wearing t-shirts and wear designer tailored shirts. Pay more for a cool pair of shoes.

Stop smoking cigarettes, and take up small cigars... or stop altogether.. it just makes you look gross after about 27 anyway.

If you're losing your hair, just shave your head. No comb-overs, no wigs or plugs... PLEASE no plugs. Don't be afraid of taking care of yourself... manicure the nails and get your eyebrows done. Being gay means not having to say your sorry for buying men's skincare products.

Have a really cool watch that you found in a little boutique in Quebec City.

Throw out your Ikea Couch...it's ugly and uncomfortable and screams "I buy things at IKEA". take down the movie posters and hide the Madonna records. No more Anime figurines on the book shelf. Give them away.. you don't need them.

If Johnny Depp wouldn't do it, neither should you. He's 42. He's now your role model.

You just have to remember that what made you cool 10 years ago now makes it look like you can't grow up. Make the necessary changes, and you'll have younger men throwing themselves at you. And probably me.

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Originally posted by Jasun
single male Scotch.

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Bit of a freudian slip there Jasun ;)

I agree with you though on the older guy thing, in fact back in England i shared a house with a guy who was CRAZY about older men lol

Regards,

Lee

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Originally posted by Lee
Bit of a freudian slip there Jasun ;)

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And be able to laugh off your mistakes like a man.

hee hee.

single MALT Scotch. for the single Male.

HA.

LOL in that case make mine a double ;)

Regards,

Lee

Well just as you can't be faulted for liking guys younger than you and not being particularly attracted to guys your own age, ya can't really fault younger guys who aren't attracted to guys older than them and only go for guys their own age.

When it comes to preference and attraction, just as you mentioned, we don't necessarily control em. So a college-aged guy who only finds themselves attracted to those within their own peer group is pretty standard and reasonable.

Ya gotta consider too the aspects of persona beyond just age and appearance. The stage a person is at in life. While you're worrying about sales and overhead and budgets and quarterly performance reports they're worrying about exams and fake IDs and hair and, god forbid, the senior prom. While you're supporting yourself and paying attention to the practical aspects of living ones life and self-supporting adult, they're doin' retail a few hours a week so that they can have money to go out clubbin' while mom and dad pay for school.

Using a bit of stereotype in the examples above but you get what I'm saying.

All of those can combine to make it just as much of a blessing as a curse that you're not having the best of luck with younger guys. There are, in the meantime, younger guys that don't care much about age or that might but enjoy your company enough to overlook it. But it's a matter of percentages and ratios and they'll be in the minority among all the guys you meet and go after.

I think the advice Jasun gave is gold. The worst thing anyone can do is look like they're obviously trying to look younger. If some college-aged guy has a thing for older guys to the point where he'd totally be up for dating and attracted to a 30yo, what good will a 30yo who dresses like a 20yo do him? None. He wants an older guy. And so one that looks, acts, and behaves like an older guy.

Hell... a year and a half ago I told myself "No more younger guys!" because the relationships I was in were too stressful. I felt like i was a parent more than a boyfriend. But the ironic part was that role is something I subconsciously sought out. I had to be the responsible one in my relationships. The rational and practical and down to earth one. The one driven by reason and logic while my boyfriend was the emotional and flighty one who wasn't preoccupied with the practical.

A good analogy for my last relationship, especially, is how my boyfriend (he was 19) and I lived together and one day he took it upon himself to redecorate the apartment. He took all the DVDs and VHS movies and moved them away from the TV and over to a totally different room to stack them on the shelves with the books.
"Why'd you move the movies to the other room?" I asked.
"Because they look better there. They're an eyesore on their own. But they fit in with the books."
"But... they're nowhere near the TV now."
"Yes but they looked bad around the TV. All tacky."
"But you watch them on the TV! They go with the TV! They should be where the TV is!"
"But they look bad there!"

That was the relationship between our two personalities in one conversation. Me all about the practical, him all about feeling. It was, on the one hand, the greatest cause for frustration in our relationship and on the other what made us get along the most. Yin complimenting eachother's Yang, so to speak.

So in that sense, him being a 19yo needing to have some grounding in reality and practicality made it inevitable that he'd like older guys. Me being mid 20s (at the time) and entrenched in the practical made me seek out living vicariously through someone without the worries and stressed I had.

My last 4 relationships? 18, 18, 19, 18. I've made conscious and deliberate decisions not to go after younger guys, not to date them, etc lately. But ya know what? I still attract them. For every one guy my own age who shows interest in me, there are 5 younger guys that do. I mean I can't land guys my own age for shit but I seem to attract 18-23 year olds to the point where I'm beatin em off with sticks. You'd think that'd be all fine and dandy but honestly I don't have the kind of mental patience to deal with a lot of them beyond friendship.
And I think it has to do with:
1. me looking younger than I am (at the risk of sounding immodest)
2. acting older than I am in a lot of ways
3. acting younger in a lot, as well.
Genuinely acting those ways, mind you. Not going out of my way to project anything in order to make an impression.

I think that for some reason, these younger dudes are attracted to the fact that 9 out of 10 times they call or IM me, my response is "Hey can't talk right now. I'm working." yet at the same time being the kind of guy who'd get a buncha guys together to go TP their ex boyfriends house in the middle of the night or play SuperMario Kart with em. Hell if I know. But I seriously stopped goin after em. I don't message any online. I don't talk to any at parties or clubs. I don't go out of my way to meet or get to know them. They find me. And they retain an interest even when I only talk to them kinda halfheartedly online or on the phone. I don't get it. hah.

Dale, both you and i got similar tastes in guys. We've talked and joked about it alot. And we both know what comes with the territory with younger dudes. It'd be like if we were only attracted to English guys but couldn't stand that damn accent. Some things are just inevitable when it comes to younger dudes. And one of those things is that the vast majority of em won't be interested on account of age alone.
But there are those who don't care, who like older guys, or who you'll win over with personality and get along with to the point they'll completely overlook age and like ya for you.
Just be prepared for a little disappointment here and there :)

You know, Dawgy, I was 29 when I left Pittsburgh. I knew I could not turn 30 in that town. But I found in LA that all my friends are older than me or around my age. I'm 35 now but I don't even think about age because of the group of friends I have. I also hang in the leather community, so the rules are a little different. I admire older men and see them as being full of experience. I'm usually more attracted to older guys than younger guys, but I wouldn't say no to either. I just look for the person, not the age, physical stats or that sort of thing. I guess it all depends on what you are looking for. And if your friends are making you feel crappy about your age, then they aren't really your friends now, are they? I recently read a great quote from Mark Twain. I can't recite it verbatum but the idea was that it is small people who try to belittle you and keep you from great things, because the great people only want you to be great and do all you can. :)

what can i say? arie is 11 years younger than i am, and the person i was seeing before that was 14 years younger. arie's parents were so harsh about our age difference that after 2 1/2 of abuse regarding me, he stopped speaking to his parents altogether.

on the other hand, i'm not interested in people because of their age - but their interests and who they are. i was in my early 30's when someone one year younger than i said something while he was playing a cd of his favorite band - "they don't make music like that anymore. the new stuff is all crap".

holy shit!

people i'd meet or already knew in their 30's and 40's didn't like newer music and musical styles. they made fun of clothes and hairstyles that were up and coming - while i wore the ones i liked. they were also more critical of other people in general. i'm not saying all of them were, but a good healthy 90% had turned into their parents.

i think the age barrier is sometimes the strangest barrier of all...

men suck, i'm going straight...

Sorry just broke up with my 20 year old bf of 2 1/2 years. Young guys are kind of silly at times. They beat you to death about gong out with them and being their "man", but then when your grow and your dreams change they get all weird and need to "find themselves".. WTF?

18 - 20 year olds still have some maturing to do. would you really expect a developing adult to stay a teenager forever?

very very true...

the sad thing is when you try to help them create their dreams and get them where they want to be in life because you love them they tell you taht you are so wounderful, loving, and they care about you so much...but they need their time to creater their dream and when they aren't working on that they just need time to themselves.

DUH, it's called not living together and opening your moth.

sorry little moody today because of the break up yesterday.

breaking up sux :-(

There are just aspects of dating a younger guy that come with the territory.
They should be able to find themselves and live their lives and are entitled to be immature, irresponsible and carefree. Ya can't expect an 18yo to have the priorities, outlook and lot in life that a 25-30yo has just for the sake of the relationship.
It's not fair to them.
Nor is it fair to yourself to expect that of them.
If it's something you're willing and able to handle, then it's all good. But if not, then the relationship itself isn't something you can take on.

Thing is, even with guys that are younger who in many ways "act mature"... it's inevitable that their age will show in ways that might not be apparent at the outset. They can be fiscally responsible, know what they want in life when it comes to education and career, be able to have mature conversations and be worldly and "act older than they are" but when it comes down to it, they're still young. And I'm not referencing their age in a negative way here. Not saying elements of immaturity are wrong or even that "immature" itself is a bad thing. It's just a normal and natural thing. A trait they have every right and expectation to possess.
We set ourselves up for disappointment by expecting anything other than that.
Which isn't to say it's impossible for relationships between two people a fair deal apart in age to ever work out or are pointless. Not at all. It's still possible for two people to be compatible despite the differences in mindsets and emotional and intellectual development and age.
It's just that you can't really criticize someone for being where they are in life. It's the nature of the beast, so to speak.

brian knows me well, and knows what im saying.

maybe i do need to change something about myself. *shrug*

but for now, its all work for me. personal life can wait.

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Originally posted by Dawgy


but for now, its all work for me. personal life can wait.

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ya know that's not a necessarily bad way to go. getting your own house in order. once your career and business is going well you'll just find yourself in a place that makes you that much more able and ready to succeed in a relationship.

know what I mean?

if the job's not going well and you're all stressed out on account of that or too entirely preoccupied with work anxiety, there's no way a relationship can succeed.

so it's not a case of disregarding and neglecting personal relationships and satisfaction so much as... prepping oneself for a meaningful and satisfying relationship that you'll be ready for once your career is in cruise control.

i find that goin out and seeking relationships, for me at least, simply doesn't work. but when i go out and live life and meet people that way they just happen along. once work is all cherry for ya and you have time to get out and meet people and have fun and new people are comin' in to your life day after day one of those people will be the one that, along with you finding yourself insanely attracted to, will be drawn to you. then you're set :groovy:

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Originally posted by BDBionic
once work is all cherry for ya and you have time to get out and meet people and have fun and new people are comin' in to your life day after day one of those people will be the one that, along with you finding yourself insanely attracted to, will be drawn to you. then you're set :groovy:

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yeah thats the theory, we'll see.

dawgy, how do you present yourself? are your clothes and hair pretty fresh? i see a lotta guys 30+ cruising the younger guys dressed like the younger guys' dads. it isn't their face and body that seem older - it's their general presentation. how's yours?

Basschick, I've met Dawgy before and I can tell you, he don't look like nobody's dad! He's a total cutie. A little too clean-cut for my tastes (sorry, Dawgy, I like 'em nasty, hee hee). I can't see why he's having such a hard time. I'd say just think positively. If you worry about age all the time, that's what people will see. Don't even think about it. Be yourself, not what you think others want you to be. And have fun! ;)

Quote:

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Originally posted by Dawgy
im finding that more & more people expect me to like guys my age. why? because im 30.

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Don't ever pay attention to what others may or may not be thinking about you. who cares what other people might or might not "expect" you be do. If you spend your time doing this, you'll only be frustrated.

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i cant even talk to a younger guy without getting shot down & insulted. called a troll. even just saying 'hi' gets me a dirty look and a cold shoulder.

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I dunno. For me, I turned 30 not too long ago. Actually it's been easier then ever to find younger guys interested. It just depends on how you behave. I also don't seem to try too hard. Sparks just happen.

Also, as you get older, work through your age hang-up. It's all in your mind. When I was in my late 20s, I started becoming shy about saying I was 29 or 30 or whatever. Well all year I've told guys who ask that I'm 34, and they typically just look suprised.

In other words, just don't worry about getting older. Actually, your 30s should be a far far more comfortable, self assured and fun time then your 20s.

Steve

http://profiles.yahoo.com/desslocktx

You know, a lot of guys in their 30s and 40s say almost the same things to me, a lot. I don't really understand it because I can't yet relate to your end of that particular shit sandwich, but i've had friends in these age groups and older since i was 19 and never really felt any kind of "dad/son" type thing going on or a generation gap.

I feel like a gay man is my peer in a way that defies age, I look at everyone as someone I can learn from or who I can share something with, or just someone who's company I can enjoy. The inability to click with people in a different age group shows a lack of diversity in character and interests at the very least. On top of that, I think maybe younger men shy away because they fear getting older and don't want to think about the "yeah, i was your age once" thing.

they are so involved in the shallow aspects of life in an effort to cover up the fact that they really don't completely know themselves yet, they want to appear confident on the outside to hide their inner troubles, and the knowledge that they may not have their shit together by the time they can't fall back on their shallow habits scares the shit out of them. It's a matter of looking into a futuristic mirror and not really liking what they see.

So the point is, you have problems, the guys who are giving you shit have problems, work through yours and fuck theirs. If you can't develop a meaningful relationship with someone because of age difference, you are trying to develop one with the wrong guys for the wrong reasons. This is all only my own silly opinion, and i'm only 24, I know I don't know shit yet, but I don't fall back on stupid shallow reasoning or ritual to give myself a sense of purpose either. Younger men who do this have a lot of growing up to do, if you want to be their guide, prepare to be annoyed and frustrated a LOT.

Just courious..how did you treat older men when you were 20?

thanx for the replies, theyre all interesting.

i dress comfortably. i definitely could look better. its something im working on, but again, work comes first, so i havent been that concerned with anything else.

as for how i treated older guys when i was young... i didnt. ive only known about this gay thing since i was 22, and even then i liked younger guys. so. yeah.

anyway... im focusing on work for now. i have so much i want and need to do before i can even begin thinking about enjoying life or going out & such.

Dale, I'm younger, and if I was a twink I'd bend ya over and give you a high hard one... ;)

Your a talented guy, with a great personality, and surrounded by good friends. Things will come to you when you least expect it.

DigitalJay - in my experience, age can matter. i remember the first time a person at a club called me ma'am. i was wearing the most wonderful bdsm corsetry, my hair - not grey - was fabulous, my unlined skin shone. but to this young man, i was the older generation. he was quite respectful and talked to me like i was 80. i was 33.

age really can matter to people. some people - mostly mature - will treat you with more respect. some people - mostly younger - will treat you like you are no longer aware of what's going on out there. yet we are who we are when we're 29 and 31. 30 - or 40 - is not the impenetrable wall, and i thought pretty much the same at 41 as i did at 39. nothing changed overnight except that one band who had really liked my playing felt that a 40 year old bassplayer could hurt them whereas a 39 year old was okay :-(

i was interested in older women and men when i was younger, and have been into younger men and women since i was no longer as much younger ;-)

that's crap about the band not wanting you.

I saw The Pixies at Coachella a couple months ago and Kim Deal looked like my aunt. Middle-aged, very almost "housewife-ish" (can't really find another word to describe it). Way different from what I remember her looking like 10 years ago.

But ya know what? She still kicked ass. And she's Kim Deal! Everyone loved her.

Dawgy

what kills me is the fact that you don't even look 30 so I would stop telling them that , don't tell your age it is just a number.
Secondly, you are so NOT a troll, are these guys even cute that are saying that?

lol thanx darren

maybe i SHOULD look my age

blah

hmmm... i've mostly met people to date, fuck or hang out with when i wasn't looking... but how can you go looking while you're not looking? ;)

I'm just glad I'm married, because I haven't seen 30 for many moons.

hey, hammer - i haven't either. 7 years worth of them this month ;-)

Some 18yo mooned me on Monday. :)

Better mooned than never to be mooned at all

So let's hear the X-rated verson, Brian... what did you do back?

hmmm i need to move to LA :goof:

you do, you do!!!!!!