Do you think we should get married?

Hi all,

The Supreme Court of Canada has given their opinion that gay people should be allowed to create civil unions.

However, I'm still not sure how I feel about marrying my partner.

Do you think it's more important to put our personal feelings aside and use this opportunity to create news, discussions, and debate in other countries? A sort of protest against the bigots by forcing them to see lots of us getting married.

Do you think it's wrong for us not to marry when so many others in the world are fighting so hard for their right to do so?

Cheers
Dzinerbear

If you believe in the institution of marriage and feel you've found your life partner, then go for it all you Canucks.

but I wanted to share something with all the fags and dykes out there who are currently in a long term relationship and have not thought about protecting their legal status as partners - DO IT NOW.

A very close friend of mine recently suffered the sudden loss of his partner of 10 years. On Thanksgiving Day. It wasn't cute. Anyway, they were registered in NYC 5 years ago, but hadn't registered in California. As a result, my friend Jon had no legal standing as a partner. To the police, the coroner, the funeral home, he was just "a friend." They wouldn't release the body to him, they wouldn't let him make funeral arrangements (his partner's parents had to do that) they treated him like nothing.

Things got better after that, but it was really scary and shocking to see the reality that the law has little regard for same-sex couples. Take advantage of whatever legal protections your community offers you, and don't put it off. Jon never expected to lose his partner, and when he did he was left in a tough spot.

btw, California's partnership law becomes alot stronger January 1, 2005.

ps. i've seen some lovely "gay wedding" packages advertised in SF Weekly - how big is that market really?

peace
drew

I'll tell ya, I'd marry DrewG if I thought he'd say "yes".

But seriously, although I think marraige is an out-dated thing for straight people to do, I think that if gay people want to be outdated and straight acting, it should be their right to do so.

fair enough?

And Dzinerbear, if you get married and I'm not a Bride's maid, I'm gonna spank ya.

Okay here is my 2 cents on this.

To begin with I am marrying my partner on the 21st of January 2005. After 8 years of being together we are having a ceremony and making it all legal.

For me, it isn't about being some bright beacon for the world to say 'see he did and we are still alive' but for me to protect my lover.

I am older, much actually by 23 years and at least I will know that someone who loves me will make the important decisions for me when the time comes.

It also means that he will not be left out in the cold either. That what I have will pass to him without question.

Now excuse me for boring everyone but we are going thru this whole process and its interesing really how it changes things. Not stuff you'd maybe ever miss or even give a seconds glance at but from the first decision to actually do this, dave and I have gotten even closer than we were before.

There is more sparkle too, I mean its odd and even strange but we feel more comfortable with each other. In some ways it has even made Dave take more responsibility in our relationship than before, as it seems to be more real to him now than before though how I couldn't even begin to say.

We both have made it known to our families and friends and it is odd how they haven't reacted. For example I had always assumed my mother knew I was gay, and yet she hadn't. She is having a ball though as we joke about her having to explain the facts of life to her knew 'son in law' or 'the bride' as she calls him. It is also neat how at 87 she is excited by the whole wedding idea and how she even feels better for it, knowing now that I will have someone in my old age...

So is it worth it? I think Dzinbear that if you love each other you are already married, but the ceremony, the actual piece of paper is something that just, well makes it complete.

Funny, we asked our local rabbi if he'd do the service, he said he would if he could but as Dave isn't Jewish, he couldn't. I mean here I was worrying about the gay thing and it isn't that which put up a roadblock, but the religios thing. No problem though as he found us another rabbi so yes it will be not just civil but religious too and you know, it is neat to hear some of the words because they take on a whole new meaning.

Nothing has changed and yet everything has changed. I really can't explain it, but going thru this whole preparation is an experience I am glad we are taking. Not for others, but for us. So my long winded advice is simply this, if you want to do it, do it but do it because of your love for each other and not for some symbol. You'll enjoy it a whole lot more I think.

hth
Ian

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Originally posted by Jasun
And Dzinerbear, if you get married and I'm not a Bride's maid, I'm gonna spank ya.

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Gary, would you be my maid of honour?
Lee, Luke and Jim, would you be my bride's maids?

:D

I'm ready for my close-up.
Dzinerbear

i can't even get a date that will stay around for longer than 28.96 seconds, i'm not thinking marriage anytime soon. but hey, if it works for you, why not?

Honestly, I don't care if they call it marrage, or a union, ect. As long as I have the same rights as a married couple I'm cool.

I notice I was left out of the brides maids.... :hmmph:

I am 100% for gay marriage. My brother in law and his partner (they've been together 8 years) are doing it in Febuary. They have a better relationship then most of my straight married friends. And then very soon after that I'm gonna be an aunti again. Yippee! I hope it's a boy.

:kitten:

Quote:

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Originally posted by Dzinerbear
Gary, would you be my maid of honour?
Lee, Luke and Jim, would you be my bride's maids?

:D

I'm ready for my close-up.
Dzinerbear

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I can't think of a better reason to wear a dress for the first time! Do I have to shave my legs or will the skirts be long?

Andy,

I was saving the best for last, I was going to ask you to be the cock ring bearer.

Thanks everyone for your comments. I was hoping for a bit more of a philosophical debate.

Where's BD with one of his Dorothy Parker-esque tomes?

Cheers
Dzinerbear

I'm too tired to be philosophical tonight. But I would do it in a heartbeat and not just for the legal reasons.

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Originally posted by Xstr8guy
I'm too tired to be philosophical tonight. But I would do it in a heartbeat and not just for the legal reasons.

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Awww, that's so sweet.:kitten:

:jasun: Hands off Drew.. he's mine :evil:

Regards,

Lee

No philosohpical answers... i think that the general consensus is that you shold do it if you want to do it.. not because people think you should or because people think you shouldn't... it should be, and now IS you choice and your choice alone..

Getting married is no longer a political statement.. it just.. is.

Isn't that wonderful?

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Originally posted by Lee
:jasun: Hands off Drew.. he's mine :evil:

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Dude, I'll fight ya for him....

(if Drew says that's OK, anyway...)

Quote:

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Originally posted by Dzinerbear
Hi all,

The Supreme Court of Canada has given their opinion that gay people should be allowed to create civil unions.

However, I'm still not sure how I feel about marrying my partner.

Do you think it's more important to put our personal feelings aside and use this opportunity to create news, discussions, and debate in other countries? A sort of protest against the bigots by forcing them to see lots of us getting married.

Do you think it's wrong for us not to marry when so many others in the world are fighting so hard for their right to do so?

Cheers
Dzinerbear

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I think you've already answered your own question Dzinerbear.

You said "I'm still not sure how I feel about marrying my partner" If you aren't sure how you feel, do you think it's a good idea to go through with it? If I were you, I'd wait until I WAS sure.

You also said "Do you think it's more important to put our personal feelings aside and use this opportunity to create news, discussions, and debate in other countries? A sort of protest against the bigots by forcing them to see lots of us getting married"

I think it's more important to be true to yourselves.. and if you need a target for attention in the news, get together with a couple that ARE sure they want to get married and help them make a difference in the media.

Marriage is a sacred thing.. and if you enter into it with the wrong intentions, those wrong intentions will be right there to bite you in the ass when you least expect it.

This of course is just my opinion

I am SO loooking forward to the evolution of this process to when it is not called "Gay Marraige" but just marraige, no matter who you are.

With hope it will be in my lifetime.

I think we know it's really become acceptable when we have lawyers putting out a shingle saying "Gay Divorce Attorney".

Think about it.

:biker:

i dont know, other than hospital visits cant say much else concerns me in the way of rights. marriage wont make me love him any less or more.

the hospital thing isn't a big deal, at least here, of all the times i had to take him to the hospital - 10 at least - nobody ever asked me who I even was.

i do have a friend who's adamant about me getting married, but can't say that marriage is something that means anything to me. My parents were married for 20 years and divorced. The only thing that would make me go and get that paper is the afforded rights marriage would give us

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Originally posted by jIgG
i dont know, other than hospital visits cant say much else concerns me in the way of rights. marriage wont make me love him any less or more.

the hospital thing isn't a big deal, at least here, of all the times i had to take him to the hospital - 10 at least - nobody ever asked me who I even was.

i do have a friend who's adamant about me getting married, but can't say that marriage is something that means anything to me. My parents were married for 20 years and divorced. The only thing that would make me go and get that paper is the afforded rights marriage would give us

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Marriage is more than acquiring rights, it's the ultimate commitment you can make to someone. It doesn't matter that divorce is so common.. what matters is that you're building a relationship that you intend on having forever. If that intent isn't there, there will always be doubts in my opinion

Awww your so sweet babe! You know we have to make sure it fits nice and snug. So here, let me try to put it on with my mouth real fast. ;)

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Originally posted by Dzinerbear
Andy,

I was saving the best for last, I was going to ask you to be the cock ring bearer.

Thanks everyone for your comments. I was hoping for a bit more of a philosophical debate.

Where's BD with one of his Dorothy Parker-esque tomes?

Cheers
Dzinerbear

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