How many ways can you say "male masturbation" ?
Next time you're stuck on another way to describe a man masturbating ... check out this list I found on Dictionary of Sexual Terms and Expressions
5-digit-disco
a date with Manuel
a-date-with-Manuela
a-date-with-Senorita-Mano
a-visit-from-Mother-Fist
accosting-the-Oscar-Meyer
activating-cruise-control
addressing-Mr.-Palmer
adjusting-your-set
ambidexterity
answer-the-bone-a-phone
applying-for-a-fishing-liscence
applying-the-hand-brake
arm-aerobics
arm-breaker
armswing
armswinging
arthur
articulate-the-archdeacon
assault-on-a-friendly-weapon
attacking-the-one-eyed-purple-headed-warrior
auditioning-the-hand-puppet
bachelor's-delight
bachelor's-fare
backstroke-roulette
baiting the hook
ball-off
balling-off
balls-deep-into-your-fist
bananas-and-cream
bang-the-banjo
bang-the-bishop
bang-the-wanger
banging-the-drum
bank-with-Barclays
Barclay's-bank
bash-the-bishop
bashing-the-bishop
bashing-the-candle
bashing-the-dummy
bat-off
batting-practice
battling-the-purple-helmeted-warrior
be-your-own-best-friend
beat
beat-it
beat-meat
beat-off
beat-one's-little-brother
beat-Pete
beat-the-bald-headed-bandit
beat-the-bishop
beat-the-dork
beat-the-dummy
beat-the-goose
beat-the-hog
beat-the-meat
beat-the-pud
beat-the-pup
beat-the-tom-tom
beat-your-meat-like-it-owes-you-money
beating-it-with-a-smile-on-your-face
beating-your-meat-on-the-toilet-seat
beating-off
beating-the-bait
beating-the-bed-flute
beating-the-bishop
beating-the-bologna
beating-the-boner
beating-the-meat
beating-the-old-man
beating-the-piss-outta-my-best-friend
beating-the-pud
beating-the-snake
beating-the-stick
beef-stroke-it-off
being your own best-friend
bell-polishing
bequeath-your-genes
best orgasm you'll ever get , the
biffing-off
big-date-with-Rosy-Palms
big-stroke-time
bishoprage
blanket-drill
bleed-the-goose
bleed-the-lizard
bleed-the-weed
bloating-the-vein
blooch
blow-off
blowing your load
blowing-your-own-horn
bludgeon-the-beefsteak
blue-vein-shuffle
bob
bob-the-bologna
bobbing-the-boloney
body-rub
boff
boffer
boffing
bollock-service
bologna-bop
bombing-the-German-helmet
bop
bop-the-baloney
bopping-the-bishop
bopping-the-bologna
bopping-Richard
bopping-the-bonzo
box-the-Jesuit-(and-get-cockroaches)
boxing-the-bald-champ
boxing-the-bald-headed-clown
boxing-the-ballsack
boxing-the-Bozak
boxing-the-clown
boxing-with-Richard
brandle
break-one-off
bring-down-(by-hand)
bring-off-by-hand
bring-up-by-hand
buck-the-bone
bucking-it
buff-the-dog
buff-the-mushroom
buff-the-pylon
buffing (the magic lamp)
buffing-the-bishop
buffing-the-banana
buffing-the-helmet
buffing-the-rifle
buffing-the-wood
buggering-the-hand
burp-the-baldman
burp-the-worm
burping-the-baby
burping-the-worm
bust-a-nut
buttering-the-corn
buttering-the-muffin
cabareting
calling-all-cum
calling-down-for-more-mayo
caning-the-vandal
capturing-the-bishop
carrying-weight
cast off
catch-up-with-Popeye
catching-a-case-of-whackinitis
celebrating-Palm-Sunday
changing-your-oil
charge-the-rod
charm-the-cobra
charm-the-serpent
charming-the-snake
cheat-the-meat
check-the-oil
checking-for-testicular-cancer
cheesing-off
chicken-grabbing
chicken-milking
chipping-wood
choke-hold
choke-the-bad-guy
choke-the-chicken
choke-the-chook
choke-the-gopher
choking-Charlie-'till-he-throws-up
choking-Kojak
choking-the-bald-guy-until-he-pukes
choking-the-chipmunk
choking-the-sheriff-and-waiting-for-the-posse-to-come
chong-your-schlong
chuff
churn
churn butter
churn-the-butter
churning-butter
churning-the-butter
circle-jerk
clamming-the-engram
clamping-the-pipe
clap-with-one-hand
clean-the-pipe(s)
cleaning-the-rifle
cleaning-the-storm-drains
clear-the-custard
clearing-the-snorkel
climbing-the-tree
climbing-Mount-Baldy
clobbering-the-kleenex
closet-frisbee
closing-the-deal
clubbing-eddy
clubbing-the-clam
coating-prince-william-sound-with-love-oil
cock-the-cannon
cock-your-shotgun
colonel-sanders-heimleich-maneuver
color-in-the-coloring-book
come-into-your-own
come-the-turkey
comforting-Gary-Coleman
coming-into-your-own
coming-one's-mutton
coming-to-grips-with-yourself
conking-the-cardinal
consult-Dr.-Jerkoff
converse-with-Harry-Palm
cooking-the-cream-of-cock
corralling-the-tadpoles
couch-hockey-for-one
court-Madam-Knuckle
crab-tease
crack-off-a-batch
cracking-nuts
cracking-off
cracking-the-bat
crank
crank-the-cream
crank-the-cream-separator
crank-the-love-pump
crank-the-monkey
crank-the-shaft
crank-the-shank
cranking-for-cum
cranking-the-corona
cream-your-corn
creamed-beef
creaming-the-cheese
create-an-arch
crimping-the-wire
crown-the-king
cuddling-the-kielbasa
cuff-the-carrot
cuff-the-dummy
cuff-the-meat
cuff-the-puppy
culture-the-American-Blood-Sausage
cum-the-scum
Custer's-last-stand
dance-with-Johnnie-One-eye
dancing-with-myself
dancing-with-the-captain
dash-one's-doodle
date Mother Palm and her five daughters
date-Miss-Michigan
date-Palmala-Handerson
dating-Manuella
dating-Rosie-Palm-and-her-five-sisters
dating-the-Palm-sisters
dating-Thumbalina-and-her-four-sisters
dealing
decongesting-the-weasel
defrosting-the-fridge
devil's-handshake
dicky-whacking
diddle
diddling
diddling-the-dinky
digitally-oscillating-the-penis
dilly-with-the-willy
dinging-the-dong
dinky-the-slinky
discipline-your-soldier
disciplining-the-primate
dishonorable-discharge
disobey-the-Pope
disseminating
diurnal-pollution
do-a-dry-waltz-with-oneself
do-it-yourself
do-the-dew
do-the-Han-Solo
do-the-wet-n-stinky
do-yourself-off
docking-in-shuttle-bay-5
doddle-whacking
doing-a-hand-job
doing-a-little-soft-shoe
doing-battle-with-the-purple-helmeted-warrior-of-love
doing-handiwork
doing-hard-time-in-the-hand-slammer
doing-it-your-way
doing-the-five-knuckle-chuckle
doing-the-five-knuckle-chuckle on the old piss pipe
doing-the-five-knuckle-chuckle on the old piss pump
doing the five-knuckle shuffle
doing-the-five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pipe
doing-the-five-knuckle-shuffle on the old piss pump
doing-the-hand-jive
doing-the-human-version-of-autoexec.bat
doing-the-janitor-thing
doing-the-knuckle-shuffle-on-the-ol'-piss-pump
doing-the-pork-sword-jiggle
doing-the-solitary-rhumba
doing-the-white-knuckler
doing-your-own-thing
dollop-the-weener
dong-flogging
doodle-the-noodle
double-jacking
downing-at-the-club-(for-members-only)
drain-Charle's-Dickens
drain-the-vein
drain-the-dragon
draining-the-monster
draining-the-poisons-from-the-building
draw-on-a-length
drilling-for-oil-in-your-own-backyard
driving-the-skin-bus
dropping-a-line
dropping-stomach-pancakes
dry-firing-the-musket
dry-humping-the-ottoman
dual-masturbation
dundering-the-devil
dunk-the-dolphin
dusting-the-old-trophy
educating-Peter
electing-the-president
empty-the-cannon
encapsulate-your-probe
engaging-in-internal-revenue-service
engaging-in-safe-sex
enjoying-yourself
erupting-the-volcano
erupting-Vesuvius
evicting-the-testicular-squatters
excercise-your-rights
experiencing-men-o-paws
express-a-secret-vice
express-yourself-(manually)
faxing-Jimmy-Dean
faxing-the-pope
feed-the-ducks
feed-the-fist
feed-the-spunk-o-meter
feed-the-stick
feeding-the-chooks
feel-in-one's-pocket-for-one's-big-hairy-rocket
fetch-metal
fetch-mettle
fidget-the-midget
fidget-with-the-digit
fight-the-champ
fight-the-turkey
file-the-fun-rod
filling-up-the-belly-button-well
fire-the-hand-cannon
fire-the-wobbly-warhead
fire-your-wad
firing-off-a-round
firing-the-flesh-musket
firing-the-surgeon-general
firm-the-worm
first you grab it by the head then you beat-it till it's dead
fishing-for-trouser-trout
fishing-for-zipper-trout
fist-flick
fist-fuck
fist-fucking
fist-fucking-the-piss-pump
fist-it-off
fist-kebabing-101
fist-of-fury
fist-the-mister
fisting-the-mister
five-against-one
five-against-Willy
five-finger-boogie-on-the-blue-vein
five-finger discount
five-finger-exercise(s)
five-finger-knuckle-shuffle
five-finger-lingo
five-finger-solo
five-fingers-against-one-penis
five-knuckle chuckle
five-knuckle olympics
five-knuckle shuffle
five-knuckle shuffle on the old piss pump
five-knuckle shuffle on the piss pump
five-on-one
fives
fixing the plumbing
flapping-takkie
flaying-the-emperor
flex-one's-sex
flexing Russell the one-eyed love-muscle
flick-the-BIC
flick-on-over-the-thumb
flip-it-around
flip-it-off
flip-off
flip-oneself-off
flipping-the-bishop
flog
flog-(oneself)
flog-a-dead-horse
flog-a-willing-horse
flog-it
flog-the-bishop
flog-the-dog
flog-the-dolphin
flog-the-dong
flog-the-donkey
flog-the-dummy
flog-the-goose
flog-the-hog
flog-the-infidel
flog-the-lizard
flog-the-log
flog-the-meat
flog-the-mutton
flog-the-old-whipping-boy
flog-the-pork
flog-the-pup
flog-the-sausage
flog-the-whipping-boy
flogging the bishop
flogging-the-dog
flogging-the-dolphin
flogging-the-dong
flogging the dummy
flogging-the-frog
flogging-the-hog
flogging-the-mule
flogging the old dog
flogging-the-poodle
flogging-the-salami
flogging-your-dumber-brother
flogging your log
flogging-your-pride
flong-the-dong
flopping-beef
flub-the-dub
flushing babies
flute-solo
fly-fishing
fondling-the-fig
freeing-Willy
frig
frig-off
frig-oneself
frigging
frigging-the-love-muscle
friggit
friggle
frosting-the-pastries
fuck-fist
fuck-the-fist
fuck-your-fist
fuck-off
fuck-one's-fist
fuck-Mary-Fist
fuck-palmala
fucking Miss Michigan
gaining an inch
gallop-the-antelope
gallop-the-goose
gallop-the-maggot
gallop-the-old-lizard
galloping-the-lizard
genital-stimulation-via-phalangetic-motion
genitalic-stimulation-via-phallengetic-motion
get-gravel-for-the-goose
get-one's-nuts-off
get-oneself-off
get-some-self
get-some-trim
get-to-know-yourself
get to the peak of your peker
getting-a-date-with-slick-mittens
getting-a-grip-on-things
getting-a-hold-of-yourself
getting-a-little-off-hand
getting-a-stiffy
getting-chafed
getting gissy with the goo
getting-gnarly-with-the-knudster
getting-in-touch-with-your-manhood
getting-in-touch-with-yourself
getting jiggy (or jizzy) with it
getting-ones-nuts-off
getting-stripped-of-your-grammy
getting-the-german-soldier-marching
getting-the-glue-stick
getting-to-know-yourself
getting-to-know-yourself-personally-in-the-biblical-sense
getting-your-caps-peeled
getting-your-palm-read (or red)
getting-your-palm-read-by-Mister-Softee (or Softy)
getting-your-pole-varnished
gherkin-jerking
gilding-the-lily
give-it-a-one-gun-salute
give-oneself-a-handjob
give-oneself-a-low-five
giving flipper a backrub
giving-it-a-tug
giving-the-general-a-five-finger-salute
giving the pope a stroke
giving-Yul-Brenner-the-high-five
glazing-the-knuckle
gluing-the-lady's-eye-shut
go-a-couple-rounds-with-the-champ(ion)
go-back-to-the-wig-wam-and-beat-the-tom-tom
go-on-a-hand-diet
go-to-war-with-yourself
going-a-couple-of-rounds-with-Ol'-Josh
going-cabareting
going-eye-to-eye-with-Johnny-Hung
going-on-a-date-with-Handrea
going-on-a-date-with-Palmela
going-on-a-date-with-Rosey-Palm-and-the-five-daughters
going-blind
going-on-Peewee's-little-adventure
going-on-the-blow
going-on-the-dole
going-out-with-Mother-Thumb-and-her-four-daughters
going surfing on mount baldy
going with Ms. Thumb & her four daughters
got a date with Rosie Palm(er)
grab-the-flab
grappling-the-gorilla
grasping at the opportunity
grease-the-goofy
greasing-the-flagpole
greasing-the-pipe
greasing-your-bone
grind-off
grinding-the-goo-shooter
grip-it
grip-the-gorilla
grip-the-tip
gripping-Flipper
gripping-the-pencil
growing a tree then chopping it down
growing-hair-on-the-palms
gushing-the-geyser
hack-off
hack-the-hog
hack-the-mack
hair-in-hand
ham-boning
ham-shank
Han-Solo
handball
hand-fuck
hand-gallop
hand-game
hand-gig
hand-head
hand-jig
hand-jive
hand-job
hand-labor
hand-relief
hand-shandy
hand-solo
hand-to-gland-combat
hand-work
handful-of-pleasure,-a
handle
handling the hard-on
hands-on-training
handy-work
hanging-five
hanging-the-old-man
hard-labor
haul-your-own-ashes
have-a-date-with-a-handkerchief
have-a-wank
have-one-off-the-wrist
having-a-ball
having-a-ball ... well, two actually
having-a-conversation-with-the-one-eyed-trouser-snake
having-a-date-with-Fisty-Palmer
having-a-date-with-Rosie-Palm-and-her-five-sisters
having a date with the five-fingered widow
having-a-five-knuckle-shuffle
having-a-ham-shank
having-a-J.-Arthur
having-a-one-night-stand-with-yourself
having-a-roy
having-a-sherman
having a staff-meeting
having-a-tug
having-a-tug-of-war-with-the-cyclops
having-a-whack-attack
having an affair with digits
having-an-arm-wrestle-with-your-one-eyed-vessel
having an intelligent conversation with Dick
having an oscar-meyer moment
having-dinner
having-it-off
having-one-off-the-wrist
having-sex-with-someone-you-love
helping-the-python-shed-its-skin
helping Tom Sawyer white-wash the fence
herkin'-the-gherkin
hit-on-Rosy-Palm
hit-the-ham
hitchhike-under-the-big-top
hitchhiking-to-heaven
hitchhiking-underneath-the-big-top
hold-the-bold
holding-the-sausage-hostage
holding-your-sausage-hostage
holding-my-own
holding-on-to-a-family-heirloom
hone-the-bone
hone the cone
honking-Bobo
hotdog-a-rama
hot-rod-it
housebreaking-the-cat
hug-the-hog
hump-the-horn
hump-the-hose
hump-your-fist
humping-air
humping-the-hose
humping the old hand
hurting-Burt-until-he-squirts
husk-it
ignite-the-lightsaber
in-hand
infanticide
inflating the zepplin
installing-a-burglar-alarm
invading-Poland
ironing-some-wrinkles
