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Thread: One of my guys just wrote this sample erotic story.

  1. #1
    Greg Gaskell
    Guest

    I Wonder? One of my guys just wrote this sample erotic story.

    Tell me what you guys think of this done by a local Filipino.


    DR. DILL DOWE

    I arrived early at the Norwegian Cruise Line’s accredited medical clinic along Roxas Boulevard. This was the last examination I had to go through before leaving for a lucrative bartending post with the said company.

    Luckily I was the third on the list so I thought I’d finish early and be able to catch up with my girl friend and spend some quality time before my departure. The two guys ahead of me were men of great physique. They seemed to have come from the suburbs, having been dressed in plaid long sleeves and faded blue jeans. Their bodies were perfect sculptures of Adonis probably from strenuous work at the farm. Both had an erect nose and perfectly trimmed eyebrows and they seemed to be very enthusiastic with the vitality of an 18 year old.

    This made me feel both uncomfortable and scared. Fears of not passing the physical examination were starting to kick in as I am crap compared to either of them. I stand only 5’6” tall and fall 3 pounds underweight. My only advantage to them I thought was my perfectly sculptured ass, round as a basketball… Hope that counts for something, I keep telling myself.

    The first guy was called in, and the younger looking one turned to my direction. “It’s your first time to go on board” he asked with a twang exclusive to the southern regions of the Philippines. Sheepishly I answered yes, and he broke into laughter. “Well prepare for the experience of a lifetime. This will definitely change your life forever.”

    I did not understand what he meant with those words, but an amorous feeling cascaded to my bones sending shivers down my spine. Hopefully, I could help my family and save them from a hard up life, I thought. We got do a bit more small talk after, and he made me feel a bit more relaxed, gaining back lost confidence brought about by my insecurity.

    After a good 20 minutes or so, the first guy emerged in the hallway. His amorous aura was gone and perspiration was creeping down his perfectly shaved cheeks. Extreme exhaustion was painted all over his face, and this got my heart throbbing. Again, thoughts of not passing the exam came rushing to my head, like a major adrenaline rush after a good dose of coke.

    “Dude it’s your turn. Good luck!” he said tapping Mark’s shoulder.

    The man seated next to me rose from his seat and stood an astonishing 6 feet. His exceptional physique was now more evident, yet his voice cracked responding “Thanks man!” With this, the older man descended limping across the hall. My forehead broke into cold sweat upon the sight and my breathing got deeper and heavier. Nervousness was starting to get the best of me.

    Soon after Mark got inside the room, groans of pain were heard through walls. With every passing second it was getting louder and louder in rhythmic succession. My heart started to beat like roars of thunder and I felt the air around me getting so thick you could cut through it.

    One loud moan was heard after 10 minutes and then there was complete silence. My chest felt so tight I could barely breath. Then, Mark jerked out of the room, his gray plaid long sleeves drenched. Sweat was creeping down his face. “You’re up” he said to me trying to catch his breath.

    I nearly froze at the sight of him. My knees started to tremble as I stood. A feeling of nervousness and fear enveloped me. I felt the hallway grow smaller and everything just seemed too bleak… Like nothing good was bound to come.

    This was the moment of truth. I came inside the medical clinic saw a name plate that read Dr. Dill Dowe and was greeted by a handsome young westerner clad in white t-shirt, tight blue denims, and a white overcoat. Judging by his looks, he was probably around 28 and his five-o-clock shadow made him look a lot like Jude Law. His head was topped with ash blonde hair that matched his hairy arms. He stood like a demigod with his exceptional physique. Out of fear, the only thing I could do was swallow my saliva in a very uncomfortable manner.

    “Mr. James Pineda” he said pointing me to the medical bed covered with white linen.

    “Yes doc.”

    “Please have a seat” be replied closing the door. Then he walked towards my direction. As he was walking, I could not bear but notice his pants. They were a bit too tight and it exposed a huge bulge by his groin area. Typical westerner I thought – I mean, as compared to Asians they do have a much bigger pecker. But my confidence level in terms of cock size was not shaken, Asian dicks maybe shorter but hell are we harder.

    “Is this your first time to go on a ship?” he asked with a light-hearted demeanor. And I replied yes, with tension evident in my voice. “Don’t be scared. I will be gentle” and he broke into a friendly yet mischievous grin.

    After the typical examinations, Dr. Dowe instructed me to take off all of my clothing. I obliged but felt extremely uncomfortable for I have never been naked before another man. Naked, I sat still on the medical bed and he knelt in front of me. “Please stand.”

    Standing I could feel is warm breathe on my groin. His breathing was heavy and deep. A sensation of discomfort and pleasure was felt throughout my body. I could feel that his breathing was getting closer and my erection is slowly getting bigger. He reached for my balls and within seconds, I was hard as a rock. I never thought a man could make me hard, and I felt embarrassed. His soft hand felt warm as he held my love rod by the base and it felt so good I could not stop myself from giving out a slight moan. He slowly worked his hand up and down the 6-inch shaft and started losing my senses with every stroke. My breathing was now getting deeper and heavier.

    “Quite a boner you have Mr. Pineda” and he looked up with lust in his eyes as if saying I want you right here, right now. I badly wanted to shove my cock down his throat and cream his parched throat just like the way I do to my girl friend. But I had to stop the urge. He was a doctor, I reminded myself and my future depends on him. He then asked me to turn around, bend over, and part my tight buns with both hands.

    I felt his finger land by the rim of my asshole. “Just relax,” he said. “This won’t hurt a bit”.

    Slowly, he started to caress my hole in circular motion and a gush of gooey liquid stuff that happens I’m horny started to drip from the tip of my cock. Dr. Dowe has now awakened my deepest darkest desires. I felt my hole slightly loosen up and then something warm and wet darted in. I looked back and saw his tongue firmly pressed against my hole. I wanted to push him away but the feeling was so good that I wanted to push him deeper. I forgot all about my girlfriend, and completely lost myself. I let out a loud moan and he started to rim, faster and harder.

    “Uuhhmmm…” his stubbles were scratching my ass checks and it felt extremely pleasurable. A big lust-filled moan was all I could belt… “Aarrghh…”

    He turned me around and started sucking my cock that was heavily dressed with my sweet cum. His middle finger was caressing my hole and the feeling was so good I could not find the right words to
    describe it. My moans were getting louder and next thing I knew, Dr. Dowe’s thick long finger was deep inside my cherry. He moved it inside gently massaging my prostate and there was a feeling of both pain and pleasure, sending my libido to oblivion. Another spurt of cum came to surface. “Oh doc… please fuck me” I caught myself begging and he gave a wide lusty smile.

    Dr. Dowe lifted me onto the bed and pushed his pants down to his knees, that exposed a big juicy 9 inches of fresh meat. From his pipe, a heavy rush of honey came running down before he lubricated his long and thick cock with saliva. The sight was glorious and it felt even better as he forced his way through my hole.

    “Uh… Oh… Uh….” My pupils dilated at the elating feeling.

    He felt so good inside me and I reached for my cock stroking it in rapid succession matching his every backbreaking thrust. Perspiration was running down his face and all I could think about was how wonderful the feeling was.

    “Faster… Uh… Faster… Uuhh…Ooohhh…. Deeper…. Uuhhh…”

    “Yeah baby, I love your smooth tight hole. Ooohh….It feels so good inside.”

    “Oohhhh…. Uuuhhhh…. Uh..”

    “Oh James, I am cumming… Ooohhh….”

    “Yes doc! Come on, give me all you’ve got” and then he let out a long loud moan then fell on my chest. He laid there for a good two minutes then looked into my eyes. “You are ready to go” and he kissed me on the lips.

    Sheer pleasure was painted all over my face. Now I understand what Mark meant by “This will definitely change your life forever.” I walked out of Dr. Dowe’s clinic with utmost feeling of contentment knowing that I passed the exam with flying colors. Plus, it left me looking forward to my new adventures on board.

    Since then, I have not been with a girl and a man inside me is all I could ever fantasize about.


  2. #2
    Ruth
    Guest
    apart from some minor grammar issues - and that he calls his precum 'sweet cum' I think it's hot :sun:


  3. #3
    Moderator Bec's Avatar
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    Other than needing some minor edits, I agree that it's very well done.


  4. #4
    On the other hand.... You have different fingers
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Hollywood, CA
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    3,639
    Very nice. I wrote a short little porn story as well. It's one of the shortest...

    Here it goes...

    I saw, I conqured, I came.

    There ya go.
    Don Mike
    DonMikeCali@gmail.com


  5. #5
    chick with a bass basschick's Avatar
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    Nov 2003
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    7,922
    overall good stuff - aside from some grammer and punctuation problems. some of the phrasing will seem very weird to u.s. readers - for example:

    The two guys ahead of me were men of great physique
    “It’s your first time to go on board”
    “Is this your first time to go on a ship?”
    save them from a hard up life

    btw, "The man seated next to me rose from his seat and stood an astonishing 6 feet" - astonishing? not here. at least half the guys i know are 6 feet or over, and my fiance is 6'7".


  6. #6
    Greg Gaskell
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Ruth
    apart from some minor grammar issues - and that he calls his precum 'sweet cum' I think it's hot :sun:
    Thanks for the comments, this is our first sample and turned out, not bad.


  7. #7
    Greg Gaskell
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Bec
    Other than needing some minor edits, I agree that it's very well done.
    Thanks Bec, we are always looking to improve and will.


  8. #8
    dannyz
    Guest
    Hey Greg,

    You have some talented and creative employees. I think you just need a native speaking english person to edit the stories so they are believable for the west and they'll be great.

    We have been very happy with our cartoonist employee we bought from you by the way, he is an amazing artist. Here's the latest page of our exclusive Japanboyz.com gay Asian anime comic:



    Keep up the great work!

    Cheers,
    Dan


  9. #9
    chick with a bass basschick's Avatar
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    damn, that comic is really, really nice! and using an editor is a good idea.


  10. #10
    dannyz
    Guest
    damn, that comic is really, really nice!
    Yeah, I agree and judging from our forums the members do too! :-) We update the comic twice a week for the members, I think it's a good retention tool, get them into the story and addicted to it and they won't want to cancel...that's the hope anyways.


  11. #11
    Greg Gaskell
    Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by dannyz
    Yeah, I agree and judging from our forums the members do too! :-) We update the comic twice a week for the members, I think it's a good retention tool, get them into the story and addicted to it and they won't want to cancel...that's the hope anyways.
    Hi Danny, thanks for the great comments and your toon work looks hot stuff, really happy that you like our staff.


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