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Thread: A proposal for "Christian Pornography."

  1. #1
    Hamilton Steele
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    A proposal for "Christian Pornography."

    My wife showed me this on a forum she frequents. Of course I just HAD to respond. And I'm posting it here as well for everyone. (And my yahoo group too and maybe a dozen other places as well)

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    "Many readers have written in to ask us about pornography. Is it acceptable for Christians to view adult entertainment? Our stance on pornography is directly informed by our position on sex and sexuality with regards to Christianity. Depending on the circumstances, the act of intercourse can be either a defilement of the body and soul through lust and indulgence of the senses, or it can be a celebration of God-given sexuality that uplifts the bodies and spirits of both partners. Likewise, pornography could be either degrading and sinful (as it almost always is), or it could depict acts that, when viewed appropriately, could enhance the sexual and sensual relationships of believers."

    http://www.sexinchrist.com/pornography.html

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    And here is my response on how to make a GOOD Christian porn.

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    It must depict only married couples engaging in sexual acts. This means that any sexual partners in a Christian porn production must be husband and wife, both on and off screen. All actors must be married in real life and portray married couples onscreen. And they must only be depicted having sex with their wedded spouses.

    Ok, we have to start the video with old wedding clips and photos. And they should hold up a copy of their marriage certificate for everyone to see. (I think this makes it 2257 compliant) And during the orgy scenes nobody trades but fondling is ok.

    It must portray sex within the context of a Christian marriage. It must be apparent through the actions, behaviors, and speech of the characters portrayed that they are Christian, lead a Christian lifestyle, and have a marriage in which their faith is central. This could be depicted in a variety of ways, with scenes showing a couple praying together, studying the Bible, attending church or church functions, and generally relating to one another as loving Christian spouses outside of the bedroom.

    Couple meets another couple at the anual church picnic. All four of them return to the same house, hold hands, give thanks to the lord for what they are to receive. Then the women begin to rotate their hips to the tunes of "Lord I lift your name on high." They strip, engange in no touching female masturbation and the husbands chant "Praise the Lord" as they view the spectacle.

    It must be instructional. Part of the mission of Christian pornography is to graphically educate married believers in how to achieve more sexual pleasure, intimacy, and closeness in their relationships. It can do this by dramatizing various sexual techniques and positions so that couples can learn how to incorporate them into their lovemaking routines. In their onscreen roles, the actors should model both correct sexual techniques and appropriate sexual attitudes, by being respectful and treating one another’s bodies as the sacred gift from God that they are.

    Lots of dialog between the two couples. Couple A should say things to couple B like; "Frank when you have your wife in doggie position, you should pick up the pace a bit and deepen the thrust. That should bring her over really fast." or "Mary, if you lick your husband's scrotum like I'm doing, he will enjoy oral much more."

    And they should also be complimentary too. Say things; "Praise the Lord brother! That was a large amount of ejaculate you deposited on your wife's stomache." (In the vagina for a southern baptist video.)

    Husband and wife must both receive their due benevolence. This is in keeping with the scriptural mandate of I Corinthians 7:3, which says “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.” This means that both sex partners must be shown getting equal pleasure and sexual attention from one another.

    Ok, this is easy. Must include at least one 69 position or male must eat some vagina.

    No extramarital sex, unless it is to illustrate the downfalls of adultery. The spouses in a Christian porn production must never have adulterous relations, unless they (and their partner in extramarital crime) suffer and are punished fittingly for their sins. (In deference to modern conventions, the punishment does not have to be one mandated by scripture, i.e., being stoned to death.)

    Well stoning to death would be the ultimate climax and help with video sales. But we can work around it.

    So wife was the husband's highschool sweetheart. Always a virgin and loyal. But now she is curious because after 10 years of marriage she want's to try a big African American penis. She has an affair with a drug dealer with a 15 inch manhood.

    After the sex, the police raid his apartment and the dealer hides his stash in her purse. She is arrested, found guilty of having 20 pounds of high grade coccaine and goes to jail. In Jail she is brutally lesbian raped by two heavy tattooed biker dykes. (Buck angel?)- The wages of sin!!! As you reap so shall you sow!

    It must be uplifting and inspirational, focusing on strengthening Christian marriage and Christian faith. Christian porn must have an overall positive message. Of course, its primary message would be to demonstrate the sacred use of sexuality and sensuality to reinforce the bonds of Christian marriage. But in all other respects, it should affirm Christian values of community, family, faith, honesty, charity, and so forth. It should show that having a joyous and fulfilling married sex life is one of the fruits of following the path of righteousness.

    After the 2 or more couple, non-swapping and instructional orgy.... all couples must give thank the Lord for the opportunity to fellowship with other Christians and his wonderful gift of sexual pleasures. Soft disolve to a scene of all of them sitting on the same bench in chruch with big smiles as the minister delivers the surmon and Roll credits.

    No profanity. Although exclamations of pleasure are acceptable, as are the natural sounds and vocalizations of lovemaking, Christian porn should contain no profanity or swearing. The participants should address each other lovingly and respectfully at all times. Of course, it goes without saying that the actors will not take the Lord’s name in vain, nor that of his Son.

    OK... Keep the "God Damn that feels good" out of the video. And because of the instructional nature of the video, use medical terms whenever possible.

    Eg: "Oh yes honey, I want to perform fellation on your penis. Insert it in my mouth. Yummm slurp, ahhh."

    And I assume that playful non-profane pet words is acceptable too if used in moderation. eg: "Yea sweetums, I want to put my big fat Tally-Wacker in your Furry-Cha-Cha."


  2. #2
    On the other hand.... You have different fingers
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    I am trying to figure out if this site is on the level, or a very sophisticated form of parody/humor. It smacks of landoverbaptist.org or even the Onion, but at the same time they seem sincere.

    Anyone know the history of the site?


  3. #3
    chick with a bass basschick's Avatar
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    you know, what they say may sound ludicrous, but it's still more positive toward porn that i expected. time for married people in adult to start producing christian porn


  4. #4
    Ah, 80 Hour Work Weeks, The American Dream! tombarr's Avatar
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    so would that make "cum" .... "Jesus juice"?

    whipping would become "flogging"?

    instead of "he fucker her so hard" the phrase would be, "he really nailed
    her to the cross!"

    I think we should make a cross over porn terms directory for christian porn....what a fun Saturday project!


  5. #5
    ethanmasters
    Guest
    LMAO, by far one of the most "uplifting and spiritually inspirational" threads I believe I have ever read in my life.

    heh


  6. #6
    _ap_
    Guest
    gay christian porn = tranny in wedding dress


  7. #7
    Hamilton Steele
    Guest
    I deal alot these days with the Japanese market and have several investors from there. On a lark last week I joked about "Christian Porn."

    This morning I read an email that said, "sounded like a good idea - how much do you need?"

    So I'm thinking I'm going to call it "The Great Whore of Babylon" or "Revelations"

    So this is going to be a 5 scene vingette style gonzo. But now I have a mental writters block. I was thinking 3-some sex and the line, "on the 3rd day he rose again" keeps going through my head. I'm really not too certain where to go with this now.

    My wife thinks I should make it cheap and just do masturbation with food. Call it "Veggie Tails" but I'm certain I would be sooo sued it wouldn't even be funny.


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