Huskyhunks's Dillema

[desslock]

Hi HH:

In your last thread you asked us our opinon on your stated quandry regarding filming sex without condoms. Frankly, everyone from the most earthy liberal to ardant conservative seems to point to the sexual behavior they are uncomfortable with and draw a moral conclusion. That's natural I suppose.

If you want my feedback, I would say just do what you are comfortable with. I am sure there are ample models who would be perfectly comfortable with barebacking on camera.

(one reason is because jillions are doing it off camera, so no difference)

I know people immediately start associating the subject with two things - drug use and HIV. Well on the drugs - that's certainly a part of gay life that you can either accept or walk away from. And it doesn't relate to the movies.

What you will find is plenty of sexually active guys who are HIV positive and comfortable with doing porn without condoms. People will be judgmental about it. But then people are judgemental about All Porn. And people are judgemental about behavior they have a problem with.... smoking. drinking. becoming a politician. enlisting in the army. whatever. The 7-11 convenience stores removed Penthouse and Hustler from their stands.... and certain vendors will exercize similar judgement on your finished product.

I don't know you well enough to know your motivations for choosing this line of work. I'd hope you find reward in it, and enjoyable. A lot of people can't distill that much from their jobs.

Steve

[XXXWriterDude]

Sound advice, buddy.

I think it would be so revolutionary if one day everyone woke up and said, "You know what; I'm not going to judge anyone today, or maybe for the rest of my life if I can help it. I understand that there are many things in the world that are not perfect and equitable, and I also understand that bad things will happen whether I want them to or not (or whether I rant and rave about them), but God grant me the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change those that I can, and the wisdom to tell the difference."

I decided to take myself out of the bareback debate, b/cuz the same things get said over and over and over again, and it all boils down to this: People are going to jump on their high horses no matter what and point fingers, b/cuz that's just what people like to do. I suppose it makes us feel better about ourselves when we are able to shake our fingers in the faces of others and say, "Shame on you for wanting to take part in this kind of behavior."

Personally, I recognize that people do "stupid things" all the time. I myself have participated in extremely risky behavior at many times in my life, and I usually did so when I was feeling extremely bad about myself and somehow wanted to hurt myself. (I had a pretty rotten childhood, and am still trying to work through many of the issues that have plagued me as a result.) But even in the back of my head, while I was doing what I was doing, I knew I had the choice not to do it, but I did it anyway. One time I even got gonorrhea as a result. Can I go around blaming bareback porn companies for this? Absolutely not. That would be completely illogical and unfair of me to do so, as I made my own bed, and when you make those choices (whether it's to do drugs that inhibit your ability to make sound choices, or whether it's just making the choice not to wrap it up), you have to be prepared to take responsibility for the consequences that can come from making such choices.

People who rant about barebacking porn KNOW this, but their idealism often gets in the way of sound judgment, as is often witnessed when people start debating this topic. They'd much rather attack someone for wanting to watch it so they can feel morally superior and self-righteous, rather than say, "Well, all I can do is say good luck to you in your journey. I feel for you, and wish you the best."

No matter how much we want to control certain things in the world, bad things do and will continue to happen. Horrible floods will happen, earthquakes will kill people, smokers will die from lung cancer, lesbians will contract breast cancer (evidently they have a higher risk of doing so), teenage girls will continue to be pregnant, and people will continue to bareback, and some of them will contract HIV, These are the facts of life, and no matter how vehemently we post our rhetoric on boards like these, life will continue to move forward in this manner.

Battling for change is a good thing, but having impossibly idealistic goals is not realistic, and you set yourself up for disappointment when you choose to fight for things that are not attainable. We do not live in a rose-colored world where the fact that some of us believe in one thing is enough to change the world. Personally, I say do something pro-active about it, and fight the battles where you really can, not on websites like these. Volunteer at your local gay and lesbian health center as an HIV and AIDS counselor, so that you can help spread the message of safer sex to those who are coming in. Continue to film condom sex, and refuse to promote sites that feature bareback sex--if those are the things you want to do.

But my suggestion to you all is to take care of YOUR business and do the best that YOU can do to make change possible, and leave your judgment and finger-pointing to the Christian zealots. As a community already divided, it doesn't make us any stronger to have us fighting and judging each other based on dissenting opinions surrounding an issue that largely revolves around PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY and INDIVIDUAL CHOICE. We each have to choose the paths that we feel are best for us, and occasionally we will have slips and make mistakes, but we also have the option of not judging others for choosing a different path than ours. Because breeding contempt and negativity among one's own community is surefire way to attract bad karma and--regardless of how good your intentions may be--simply exacerbate the problem further.

Education is the strongest weapon we have against the HIV epidemic spreading even further, but at the end of the day, you have to walk away saying, "I did my part, and I can't save everyone. And it's not my responsibility to do so. Sometimes, the natural order of life--the survival of the fittest--takes over, and there's not a damn thing I can do about that. God help those who might fall prey to it, and let me be humble enough and gracious enough to feel empathy with them if they do."

Anyway, those are my parting thoughts on this topic. I've already ridden this cruise ship as far as I'm going to, as I think I've made my thoughts very clear. No need for me to rehash them anymore.

[Happysucks]

Why not respond to the thread. Was it so profound that your reply needed its own thread?

[gaystoryman]

Battling for change is a good thing, but having impossibly idealistic goals is not realistic, and you set yourself up for disappointment when you choose to fight for things that are not attainable. We do not live in a rose-colored world where the fact that some of us believe in one thing is enough to change the world. Personally, I say do something pro-active about it, and fight the battles where you really can, not on websites like these. Volunteer at your local gay and lesbian health center as an HIV and AIDS counselor, so that you can help spread the message of safer sex to those who are coming in. Continue to film condom sex, and refuse to promote sites that feature bareback sex--if those are the things you want to do.

To paraphrase a much wiser man than myself, he said there was nothing impossible to accomplish, it just takes longer to accomplish.

Frankly where would the world be without the idealists? Be a rather drab and dull world and I think idealism & so called unrealistic goals are what makes the world better, when given a chance, when a person refuses to knuckle under to those who shout & stamp their feet, or tell them they are just dreaming the impossible. Going to the moon was impossible but it happened, standing alone against tyrants like Hitler was thought impossible but they won out, defeating communism was considered unfathomable yet it happened, but only because some dared to dream.

While personal attacks in debates happen, what is more sad is those who want to dampen one's dreams. We may not live in a rose coloured world, but what is wrong in wanting one? Why can't we dare to dream? Simply because it can be disappointing? be unrealistic today? Dreams are what makes things happen. Advances in medical science exist today because someone dared to dream about curing Cancer, about developing a treatment for AIDS. They come from our dreams, our unrealistic expectations so I disagree, never stop dreaming, never stop believing in what you hold to be true or wishing for what might be, because when you do, you stop living. You end the miracle of what life truly is, the adventure of charting unknown areas...

And if that makes you passionate, makes you get into heated debate why not? It only helps spur others who might have a dream, might have an idea that is unrealistic but noble and worthy of pursuit. To sit back and shut up is not an answer. Silence is never an answer, nor a solution.

[XXXWriterDude]

Frankly where would the world be without the idealists? ...And if that makes you passionate, makes you get into heated debate why not? It only helps spur others who might have a dream, might have an idea that is unrealistic but noble and worthy of pursuit. To sit back and shut up is not an answer. Silence is never an answer, nor a solution.

You took my post the wrong way, gaystoryman. I am an idealist by nature, and always have been. In fact, I am a writer simply b/cuz of my idealism. And it is b/cuz I am indealist--that I believe in social change through self-expression--that I do what I do and say the things I say. In fact, you could say my entire post in this thread was one of idealism, b/cuz I kinda just want everyone to get along. Idealism is a WONDERFUL thing, but if you are ONLY an idealist, and you never acknowledge REALISM, that's when you start to get into trouble, b/cuz then you run the risk of being sanctimonious and self-righteous. And there is NOTHING worse than someone who feels the need to go around telling everyone else where they are wrong. Even the radical hippies from the '60s and those who fought in Stonewall at some point in their life sat down and said, "I've done all I can, but I can't control the fate of every person in the world. Sometimes the chips just have to fall where they will, and I'm OK with that."

That does not mean that you should stop fighting certain battles. I just think that it means you need to pick your battles more carefully, and not take on every "evil" of the world. B/cuz then you're just being arrogant, thinking it's all up to you to save the world. I focus my efforts on spreading positive messages throughout the gay community through my writing, pitching stories about issues that I feel are important to the well-being of our psyches (right now I'm working on a story called "Hating Ourselves to Death: Gay Men, Self-Esteem and the HIV Epidemic"), and promoting entertainment (movies, music, books) which I feel to be soaring pieces of work with extreme artistic and social merit that can help people get through their days. I work in porn b/cuz I want to spread healthy, sex-positive messages to other gay men who may still feel some type of shame or guilt surrounding their sexuality. For a lot of gay men, our insecurity and self-loathing is tied up in our sexuality, and if you can promote porn that you feel places sexuality in a forward-thinking, healthy context, then that is a great thing. And if you can MAKE porn that does the same thing, that's even better. I fight the good fight every day of my life and I am proud to be an idealist, but I always try not to let my idealism get the best of me. B/cuz at the end of the day, you will end up bitter and cynical and exhausted b/cuz no one is listening to you and no one is taking you seriously b/cuz all you ever do is scream and rant and rave about "IMPORTANT ISSUES." Again, sometimes you just gotta step back and say, "You know what? I'm doing good work, but not everyone has to listen to me."

That's where a little bit of humility and modesty comes into the equation. Is it wrong to think, "Hey, I have the power and a responsiblity to help promote positivity throughout the world?" God no. That kind of idealism is a thing of wonder and beauty. But to think, "If it's the last fucking I do, I'm going to revolutionalize the world and make people understand MY point of view," that is not only unattainable, it's arrogant and vain. Now it's true that there have been a few revolutionaries like that, but in most cases, those revolutionaries came about simply by accident, and most of them were, by many accounts, humble people who, when asked, replied, "I was just doing something to make the world better."

Feel free to disagree with me. In the end, as I said, this is only MY point of view, and it works for me. I am wise enough to know that the fate of the world--or the gay community and HIV--does not rest on my shoulders, but I can still do the grunt work that I do to help people WHERE I can. And I try not to judge those who walk a different path.

My main point is, as a community oppressed, is there any need for us to rip each other to shreds over something that--like all other things in the world--simply cannot be controlled, b/cuz, as I said, people are always going to do as they please, no matter how hard we spout idealist rhetoric from our high horses. (As has been the case, now that HIV transmission is once again on the rise, people get tired of hearing it, and after a while, they just tune it out.) I think the best thing we can do is just understand that, and accept it, and fight the battles on a more personal level, where they matter most.

That's all I'm saying. I could be wrong, but when I take the pressure off myself to save the world, I sleep better at night, I'm not so stressed, I get in a lot less fights with people and I make a lot more friends. And THAT, I feel, is what humans need the most to survive in this crazy world. Just a little bit of love and friendship, and a WHOLE LOT less stress.

[XXXWriterDude]

Why not respond to the thread. Was it so profound that your reply needed its own thread?

It could be that he felt others had abandoned the old thread, since it seemed to become a back-and-forth between two people. Sometimes certain threads play themselves out, and it looks like he wanted to start a thread that was a little less hostile in nature.

[desslock]

XXXWriteDUde - thanks for your remarks. I actually enjoy reading and being around a diversity of opinion. I have found that this subject brings out many well thought out and well intentioned discussion from everyone on GWW.

Happysucks - yeah, I know, starting a new thread was a little self indulgent. Last night I returned from Vegas, so I just read the thread when it was sitting on page nine of responses. So I wanted to make a simple response to the first, posted question.

Interestingly, my Vegas vacation was three days staying in the "dingy, old" downtown area, not the Disneyland Strip. I had a great time with the cheap gambling and a wonderful collection of 2 for 1 buffet and free hotel coupons.

(my 3 days at the Plaza was a total of $76! we'll spend that for bottled water alone at Internext)

The downtown casinos were very colorful to say the least. And I saw a lot of people who looked like they had gone through many years of hard living. I can see how people have very strong moral opinions about gambling, and how people can really fall off the wagon. The barebacking discussion immediately rang with me as a similarly debatable behavior and potential quandry for folks who consider making or promoting bareback movies.

Some people couldn't sleep at night because they make money off bareback movies. Some people couldn't sleep at night because they make money off a casino. We are all different, and just do what you are comfortable with.

Steve