Caption (not necessarily original): Making good on his adamant, forceful calls to oppose gay marriage at all costs, Boston Archbishop Sean O'Malley threatened to unleash raging hordes of heretofore sheltered ********* priests upon the youth of Boston lest they take up pre-fab signs and protest outside the Mass. Supreme Court building.
Alternate caption (not necessarily original): Gay marriage opponents refused to comment on their failure to detect the multiple ways in which the phrase "No sex is better than same sex" can be read.
Alternate caption #2 (not necessarily the original): Sending a clear message to legislators and the media, opponents to gay marriage vowed to defend the sanctity and integrity of the traditional family institution and the vital role it plays in protecting the nation's children by urging some of those children to engage in a publicity circus amidst intimidating crowds of onlookers and push an agenda and position they couldn't possibly be old enough to comprehend.
Alternate caption #3 (not necessarily the original): Pat Robertson's Birds and the Bees and the Bible 101 class goes on a fieldtrip.
Alternate caption #4 (not necessarily the original): "Daddy, what's sex? And what's a homosexual?" "You're far to young to learn about that, son. But in the meantime, profess their impending banishment to an eternity in hell and hold this sign."
Alternative caption #5 (not necessarily the original): Years of therapy ultimately enabled Joshua to remember quite clearly and confront the day it became unavoidable he'd grow up to be a very confused, self-loathing homosexual racked with guilt and shame.
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