Models

[deanb]

Okay, so recently, I have filmed a model for a solo, and I have this wierd emotional feeling for the guy (not sexual at all). I have seen him out before, he is very popular and very well known in the gay community here. He is 20 years old, very friendly, and super plesant to be around.

So, I was talking to him about modeling, and he told me up front that he was HIV+ and if that was a problem to let him know. I told him, no, that I could use him for solos.

So he goes on to tell me that he needs a ride, as he doesn't have a car. Fair enough, I get him to get on the train (he lives about 20 minutes from me). So he gets on the train, and I pick him up at the station. He recognized me from being out, and we start talking.

We start shooting, shoot goes very well, he was plesant, friendly, and very appreciative for the level of respect that I had for him on the shoot. We keep talking, getting to know each other through the whole thing. We even watched part of a movie during the stills

We get done late, and I didn't want him to have to ride the train back home late at night, so I drive him.. We are in the car, and he goes on to tell me, how he was kicked out of his house at 15, and emancipated from his parents, all because he was gay. He hasn't spoken to them since then. He has never learned how to drive, and has no clue as to how to do it, or how to get his license or anything. My heart really goes out to this guy, and I feel like I should help him out as much as I can (not much right now, but probably more than he can do for himself). The only thing that I am thinking, is that maybe I am just feeling this because I haven't worked with tons of models. Am I going to want to save every guy that I work with with a bad story? Should I just move on and not offer to help? I am really at a loss here. He has the hardest time with the HIV thing, people talk bad about him, make up nasty rumors, and it just isn't right. This guy has been delt enough blows in his life without haveing to face new ones every day.

[themonk]

congrats

[D-Rock]

That's a tuffy...

If you consider him a friend, then maybe you could help him out by giving him a few lessons, and taking him to the DMV for a test.

But if it's just business then I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure he has other friends to do this for him.

Plus if he has been through all these hard times...Getting a drivers license should be the least of his worries.

[deanb]

That's a tuffy...

If you consider him a friend, then maybe you could help him out by giving him a few lessons, and taking him to the DMV for a test.

But if it's just business then I wouldn't worry about it. I'm sure he has other friends to do this for him.

Plus if he has been through all these hard times...Getting a drivers license should be the least of his worries.

That isn't really his only worry, nor his biggest. Of biggest concern would be helping him to find a source to get medications, and overall just get on his feet, but more importantly being of someone he could turn to and talk to, and give him some extra help when he needed it.

I don't really consider him a friend, as of me shooting him, it was the first time I had had any length of conversation with him.

[LavenderLounge]

The unfortunate part of this industry, especially if you hire younger models, is that many are going to be in the same boat. I would feel especially bad if a model was homeless and had no where to go after the shoot. That hasn't happened to me yet, but I've thought about it.

If you live in a big city, you might gather up some pamplets from local clinics, shelters, HIV info, suicide hotlines, drug counseling, etc. just have on hand in your office.

If you treat the models with respect and don't exploit them, I feel that paying them to model is a good thing. My friend that used to counsel homeless youth took a sex-positive stance that he wouldn't discourage the kids from modeling, but only if they could handle it. It's better than picking up tricks on the street, selling drugs or stealing.

[gaybucks_chip]

Dean,

I think the issue of boundaries in our business is one of the toughest things to deal with, and I don't think there's any black-and-white answer about what is or is not right.

The more you work with twinks, the more you find that a lot of them have issues. We have probably a half dozen that have been on their own since 14 or 16. Some, like Jesse, have taken that opportunity to grow into strong, self-reliant people and have been driven to find ways to help others as a result of their own misfortune. Others are totally the opposite and are very beaten down by their experiences.

I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to help someone, but I would suggest that before doing so, you give some serious thought to what it means, in terms of your business and personal life, to get involved helping your models, and to what extent you're willing to do that. Then, if you choose to help any of your models, you can clearly explain what those boundaries are (when is it OK to call you / will you help them out with money, if so, how much / are you the person they call if they have no place to stay / etc.)

In other words, think about your own boundaries and what is and is not ok for you. If you do that, you'll be able to enter into the situation with a clear understanding, and you'll likely be able to help. If you don't, then most likely, the person you're trying to help may end up taking more from you than you're prepared to give, and both of you will probably end up unhappy... or worse, you'll create a weird power dynamic that will end up hurting the model's self esteem even more.

Hope that 's helpful.

[deanb]

Very well stated Chip, and thanks for the advice, there are some good things to think about in there.

Dean,

I think the issue of boundaries in our business is one of the toughest things to deal with, and I don't think there's any black-and-white answer about what is or is not right.

The more you work with twinks, the more you find that a lot of them have issues. We have probably a half dozen that have been on their own since 14 or 16. Some, like Jesse, have taken that opportunity to grow into strong, self-reliant people and have been driven to find ways to help others as a result of their own misfortune. Others are totally the opposite and are very beaten down by their experiences.

I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to help someone, but I would suggest that before doing so, you give some serious thought to what it means, in terms of your business and personal life, to get involved helping your models, and to what extent you're willing to do that. Then, if you choose to help any of your models, you can clearly explain what those boundaries are (when is it OK to call you / will you help them out with money, if so, how much / are you the person they call if they have no place to stay / etc.)

In other words, think about your own boundaries and what is and is not ok for you. If you do that, you'll be able to enter into the situation with a clear understanding, and you'll likely be able to help. If you don't, then most likely, the person you're trying to help may end up taking more from you than you're prepared to give, and both of you will probably end up unhappy... or worse, you'll create a weird power dynamic that will end up hurting the model's self esteem even more.

Hope that 's helpful.

[basschick]

chip gives some great advice there - as usual.

i ran into this with female models. what i did was i found a doctor who was a naturally helpful guy who i could refer them to. i found a counselor at the gay and lesbian center who was willing to help them out, and a few other resources like this. when one of the models had a lot of problems (as most of them did) and asked for help (which most of them also did), i was all set. i had a little packet full of all sorts of helpful info and contacts, and i did it without having to get involved in everyone's life or have them intrude in mine.

i set up some other things i could send them to including temporary employment if they said they called needing money. i like people and i like to help, but way back when, i did end up taking in a couple of the girls and one of the guys - not all at once. every one of those three ended up right back where they were before i helped them out - and believe me, i helped a lot. i'm not saying it always happens that way, but i've seen it a lot. decide what you can afford, not only financially but emotionally as well.

[TropixxxStudios]

To be a mentor in a young persons life is perhaps one of the most rewarding things you could possibly do.

You seem to have your shit together, and perhaps by sharing some of yourself with him you will be able to make a tremendous impact on this kids life.

I agree that you need to establish limits, boundries, etc. and remember in the back of your mind that chances are you will somehow get "burned". But if you are willing to take the risk, then you might be able to accomplish something amazing.

Good luck in your decision.

[ArmpitLover]

If you can afford it, be his Mentor, big brother figure.

Also do not use the content you shot, its obviously a desperate measure on his part to get himself out of the position he's in.

Try to get him on his feet, it it works great, destroy the content, If it doesn't and you see him on the drug, model, course, you can use the content later.

But at this stage to be trying to help on one side and using the content on the other just seems kinda odd to me

just my 2c, I'm sure others will see it differently

Dave

[Xstr8guy]

congrats

How about actually reading a post before responding and quit spamming your sig.

[Squirt]

How about actually reading a post before responding and quit spamming your sig.

bots don't read threads :haha:

[robin]

If my hubby was a board poster he'd say help out if you can; probably in a heartbeat. Myself, I get a bit queezy when it comes to people that you have a working relationship where you're the boss and he's the employee, tenant, or in this case model.

I think that you need to keep your eyes wide open, help out or give a break if you can but beware of him becoming financially or emotionally dependant on you.

If you can keep some sort of balance then you're probably doing a good thing for all concerned.

Hmmm well don't know if any of this makes any sense.

[Xstr8guy]

bots don't read threads :haha:

Thanks for the info. I've edited his signature to reflect his/it's true character.

[CorbinFisher_BD]

It's awesome that you even put this much thought in to it and obviously care so much. Unfortunately, there is no shortage of people in this industry who wouldn't give others a second thought.

As others have mentioned, it's key to always keep in mind that the very foundation of your relationship, interaction, and even meeting in the first place is the business. Outside of that, you can never say whether you'd have ever gotten to know eachother or meet beyond seeing one another out and about. So business concerns always have to be considered and remembered. If you ever find yourself in a situation where helping someone out becomes a burden upon the business, then it is a situation that need be reconsidered.

Further, don't ever drive yourself insane trying to help out others. It can be very draining physically and emotionally to take it upon oneself to help out others. Which isn't to say don't do it, but just don't do it to the point it's a excessive burden on you and harming you.

The mentoring thing definitely sounds best - offering sound advice when he needs it and seeks it out and supporting him emotionally and offering some guidance. Just don't beat yourself up when people don't follow your sound advice or do things you can't understand.

Ultimately, I think everyone has the capacity to be extremely successful and do wonderful things with their lives and there is nothing in what you described of this young man that'd lead me to believe otherwise about him. So it's good to hear he has met someone who cares about helping him realize his potential.