Maturity question4ppl over 25.

[heal44]

Hello to all of you.
I don't know how to express this but let me try.
I'm 24and1/2 years old, gay, and I have lived all my life
with my parents,my older brother(straight) and my
dad's mother who died last year,in a relatively strict society.
My mother has a serious mental problem,
and I used to be fat,so I haven't "come out" yet.
I'm not a very social person, but I have a few close straight
male friends and a few relatives.
I feel that somehow I have grown up,I've lost
my weight and have feelings/thoughts
that my brother or friends would not understand.
Sadly, I cannot communicate very well with my mother,
so I'm planning to talk to her younger sister.
What do you think?
Can anyone else relate to these feelings?
Can other people over 25 share their experience?
About what age their "adult" life started?
Thanx in advance

[Ounique]

Hello heal44,

Welcome to GayWideWebmasters. I can totally understand your situation. The important thing to remember is that dealing with your own homosexuality has nothing to do with your family and friends. Here is an excellent thread we had a few months ago when my parents came to visit here. There were many great perspectives given on the subject of coming out to your family.

http://forums.gaywidewebmasters.com/...&threadid=1202

You may need to go outside your circle of family and friends to find people you can talk to objectively about this. People are often afraid of change, and if you are trying to figure out who you are, the people closest to you may try to keep you from being who you really are because they want you to stay as the person they think you are. That's not very fair to you, is it?

Where do you live? Most big cities have GLBT centers where one can go and meet others like themselves.

Also, how did you find GayWideWebmasters? What do you do in the adult industry? We'd like to know more about you.

[Amber C]

heal44,
I am not quite 25 just yet, but I will be in 3 months and 2 days. I had to read your post anyways. I did not come out to my mother until I was 18, going on 19. Well to say the least, she did not understand and did not talk to me for years. I would say that I feel I hit my "adult life" when i was about 22. I couldn't talk to my mom about being gay, for she was dropping little remarks here and there that sort of hurt my feelings. I couldn't talk to my brother about it either, at the time. So, I went to chat rooms and friends for advice. I was told to be myself and not worry about what others, even my family, thought about it. Well needless to say, they found out about me being gay, didn't talk to me for a while, and now we all have a better relationship then ever. There may be a hard time, but hopefully it will all work out for the good, for you.

Best,
Amber C

[Ounique]

Thanks for your insight Amber. I just realized that I didn't actually answer the question. I'm 34 and I can't really say when I found my "adult" life. In a lot of ways, I'm still a big kid. I guess I'm an adult but that doesn't stop me from being myself and doing the things I want to do. Some people see adulthood as having to act or think a certain way. That's silly. Just be you, no matter what age you are.

[basschick]

i'd say i found my adult life more than once... once at 15, when i moved out on my own. once at 30something, when i changed my life, cleaned up, and got rid of all the drama. once maybe 9 years ago when i slowed things down and started to learn to really communicate with myself and with others.

if you have no one to talk to, i REALLY suggest a counselor! do you have a local gay and lesbian center? if not, there may be a hotline you can call, or other sympathetic places to find a counselor. or perhaps a 12 step or gay support program.

in my opinion, it's important to have people you can be open and honest with. it's equally important that you start with people you really feel you can trust. often strangers are better than friends of family members, because you have nothing to lose with them. if you feel your mother's sister will not be cruel or tell the family things you are not ready for them to know, give her a try. but if you really aren't ready for your mom to know, perhaps a stranger is better as a stranger can't get in touch with your mom and enlighten her when you're not ready.

and last - a drummer we worked with has never left home or really started his adult life. he lives with his mother and is 35 while i left at 15. everyone is different and has to do what is comfortable for them.