50 great things about being a man...revised.

[Jason]

In the process of cleaning I came across an old email from a friend I thought you might enjoy. The premise is supposed to be 50 great things about being a man (as opposed to a woman) but, true to form, I had to add my own comments. I think it would have been more appropriately titled, “50 great things about being a STRAIGHT man.” You can find my comments immediately following each item. (keep in mind I was working at Pornication at the time...each comment is exactly as it was then -June 2002)

1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
>Apparently you never worked with me and you were definitely never interviewed by me.

2.Your orgasms are real. Always.
>Total bullshit. Again you never worked with me.

3. Your last name stays put.
>Ok, this one you can have.

4. The garage is all yours.
>Yeah, but what the fuck do I want with a dirty garage, unless there’s a hot greasy mechanic wearing an unzipped jumpsuit, no underwear and sporting a semi?

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
>Yeah, because I can’t get married…that takes care of that.

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
>This is true. I only feel compelled to make fun of him after for his poor drunken choice.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
>Again with the mechanic…He shouldn’t be telling me anything, it’s not polite to talk with your mouth full.

8. You don’t give a rat’s-ass if someone notices your new haircut.
>You didn’t notice?!?!?!

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
>Sometimes…

10. Same work … More pay.
>This seems to be a recurring theme…you really don’t know much about my job do you?

11. Wrinkles add character.
>No…wrinkles equate to money so people are willing to put up with them for the chance that they might get a free trip to Europe.

12. You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
>Neither do women!

13. Wedding dress $2000; tux rental $100
>Gucci shoes $250, Versace leather pants $500, DKNY shirt $300, Polo tie $75, cover $10, bar tab $200, drug tab $200, getting sweaty and making out with the hottest guy in the middle of the dance floor….FABULOUS!

14. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
>If I retain water, it’s with scotch.

15. People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
>Well, that’s true, but looking at my crotch is a little more obvious.

16. New shoes don’t cut, blister or mangle your feet.
>How can you even think that?

17. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
>True across the board…straight, gay, what-have-you…I love porn.

18. Your pals can be trusted never to ask you, “So, notice anything different?”
>That’s only until they sign up with “Hair Club for Men” then they ask you that every month or so.

19. One mood, all the damn time.
>Who the hell have you been talking to?

20. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
>That’s because it doesn’t take long to decide who wants to do the fucking and who wants to get fucked.

21. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
>Will the ignorance never end?

22. You can open all your own jars.
>Just because I can doesn’t mean I should. Where’s my beefy little houseboy?

23. (this one was missing)

24. You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
>Or with…I love having choices.

25. You can leave the motel bed unmade.
>Hell, I can leave the motel bed SMOKIN!

26. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
>I’m going to have to think about this one a little more.


27. If someone forgets to invite you to something, you can still be friends.
>That depends on the event. If someone forgets to invite me to a birthday party, we can still be friends. If someone forgets to invite me to an orgy…screw the bastard.

28. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
>I should just slap you for this one! Do you know that Calvin Klein only goes on sale twice a year? And you obviously have no idea how much a 3-pack of 2(x)ist goes for.

29. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
>Sure they do…they just think you’re gay.

30. Everything on your face stays it’s original color.
>Yeah, that’s why my dad dyes his moustache.

31. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
>Again, it’s not polite to talk with your mouth full :-Oç8

32. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
>Sure, for a 3 day weekend trip.

33. You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
>No, but he better be hot.

34. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, “He must be mad at me.”
>See, this just proves women are nuts.

35. No maxi-pads.
>Unless you’ve got the drip (EWWWWW) –so sorry for that one…that was truly disgusting-

36. You don’t mooch off other’s desserts.
>Huh? Get your damn own!

37. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
>But a 6-pack is always welcome.

38. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
>Or end up with 2 of the same outfit lying on your bedroom floor the next morning.

39. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
>chartreuse, fucia, majenta, lilac, salmon….

40. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
>Ok, this one is too easy.
41. You almost never have strap problems in public.
>Only in the locker room with a jock.

42. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
>That’s because I’m paying more attention to who’s in my bed than to what’s on my floor!

43. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
>Tell that to my hairdresser!

44. You don’t have to shave below your neck.
>Thankfully not yet, but some men really should.

45. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
>Gross.

46. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
>You would never be allowed to shop at Barney’s NY.

47. You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
>Have I walked into the middle of a bad western movie? (hmm…cowboy sex mmm )

48. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
IF you can grow facial hair.

49. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24, in minutes.
>It doesn’t take long to get 25 gift certificates to dinner.

50. The world is your urinal.
>HOORAY FOR THE PENIS!!!

[Lee]

Originally posted by 123Jason
13. Wedding dress $2000; tux rental $100
>Gucci shoes $250, Versace leather pants $500, DKNY shirt $300, Polo tie $75, cover $10, bar tab $200, drug tab $200, getting sweaty and making out with the hottest guy in the middle of the dance floor….FABULOUS!

14. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
>If I retain water, it’s with scotch.

Hahaha these two are my favorites

Thanks for sharing that Jason

Regards,

Lee

[MacDaddy]

your comments are really funny, very well done. But that list doesn't represent straight men any more... unless we're talking about hicks or trailer trash.

[MacDaddy]

I just wanted to click over to 60

[Bec]

LOL -- those are great! Thanks for sharing 'em!! I should find the one that's similar to this about butches and femmes ...

[Jason]

Originally posted by MacDaddy
I just wanted to click over to 60

???

[Lee]

Originally posted by 123Jason
???

He's being a post whore

We just gotta get him to be a naked post whore now im aiming to get that happening at the Florida Internext show

Regards,

Lee

[Jason]

WooHOO! Lee...if you succeed...I wanna be there!

Hey...are we having a pool party there? I really wanna get wet.

[Lee]

Originally posted by 123Jason
Hey...are we having a pool party there? I really wanna get wet.

LOL

As it happens we are putting some plans together for GWW community members however as of yet we are not sure exactly what we will end up doing.

Might just be take out pizza and beer by the pool (which i acually want to do ) or it could be a small get together in one of our suites for drinks like we did at The Phoenix Forum.

Actally, thats one of the reasons i want to keep the 'whos attending' list as up to date as possible, will give me a number of 'bodies' to go by for when we make solid plans

Regards,

Lee

[Jason]

always good to know how many bodies you're going to have to accomadate