You are subscribed to this thread Input on my first DVD format please

[Squirt]

I've been working on this new DVD format for the release of my sleepingmen.com DVD series and would like your input.

This is the first 12 minutes of the DVD. As I'm posting this online I've added my watermark a few times for good measure and degraded the quality to make the file size smaller. I'll be taking the link down in 48 hours.

The feel is supposed to be amateur and the video opens with the sleepingmen intro text and is followed by a 2 1/2 minute scrolling story about the scenario written by Ian (GayStoryman).

After the story there is a fade in to the footage.

Nothing is set in stone here and any input is greatly appreciated as I've been working on this a while and I'm a bit mind numb at this point.

Thanks for your input

[LavenderLounge]

1. I don't think people will read extensive text in a video.
2. I hope that pretty boy comes out of his coma.

[Jasun]

You need a copy editor something fierce. I'm dyslexic and I saw lots of spelling, grammatical, spacing and line-break errors. It's all kinda awkward to see.

The forest green on a black background makes it worse. It's almost illegible.

It also goes on WAY too long and it's kinda... meandering. Too many words. You can tell that story in about 1/2 as many.

Why not do a voice over and ditch the text altogether?

[Squirt]

Thanks for the input. I copy/pasted the story I bought. I had them all made as I'm not good at that kind of thing. Someone else mentioned doing a voiceover so I did that over the weekend and realized the errors you're talking about LOL

I brightened up the green enough to make it legible, and not so much that it looks Christmas like :-D .

I'm iffy on the voice over.. it seems more fake to me. I'll post it to get opinions. The text with a voice over makes it more bareable and gives the viewer something to do while listening.

Normally I wouldn't have text on a video but I realized that the DVD content seems less real as there's no story to go with each guy like on the website... so it seems like endless strangers being jerked off in their sleep with no backstory. How do you combat that other then a scrolling story they can skip and/or a voice over story?

Thanks for the input I really appreciate it.. keep it coming!

You need a copy editor something fierce. I'm dyslexic and I saw lots of spelling, grammatical, spacing and line-break errors. It's all kinda awkward to see.

The forest green on a black background makes it worse. It's almost illegible.

It also goes on WAY too long and it's kinda... meandering. Too many words. You can tell that story in about 1/2 as many.

Why not do a voice over and ditch the text altogether?

[Jasun]

If you don't wanna do a voice over, edit the story way down and instead of scrolling it, break it down into paragraphs and fade them in and out in sequence.

Make the text bigger and use a really readable font like Helvetica.

[basschick]

why would a voiceover seem more fake than text? either way, it's narrative... i mean, the supposed guy taking the videos obviously shoots and edits them, so why couldn't he narrate as well?

[nickbaer]

Voice elicits a more sensual response than text. If acted by someone with some degree of training and talent. Something more than 80s Porn - "suck that big dick".

[TropixxxStudios]

I think you should do a voice over and ditch the text.

[Squirt]

ok I did a voiceover on Saturday so I'll post the link so you can all hear how it sounds.

Are you recommending voiceover while the text is up or voiceover with a black backdrop? I remember Red Shoe Diaries with David Duchovny .. his narrative was hot, mine isn't (just a warning) :develish:

[Maryflixxx]

My two cents - I would intersperse the story or voice over through the video.

Since it breaks already with the time sequence, why not tell the story as you are going through the video? That way, people aren't feeling overwhelmed or bored by a huge block of text or a long v/o that they just want to skip through.

The story would break nicely into smaller portions that fit the different scenes of the video. I think it would be more natural and flowing that way.

Maryflixxx

[TropixxxStudios]

I agree with Mary. I think a black screen with that long of a voice over would be a lot.

[nickbaer]

You can go to www.Voice123.com and hire a voice, delivered in any audio file format. Or put an ad on Craigslist.org in a big city - like LA or NYC.

You wouldn't want voice over black - that's radio! You could put a small montage of stills together, to help introduce the characters, and set the tone with voice over montage.

[Jasun]

You've got PLENTY of video and I think starting it out in total darkness for about 15 second with voice over would be fine... then fade in the video with the voice over.

You can take about half of that text out, some of it is just plain silly. That whole bit about the martial arts and the house and you're pretty fly for a white guy has nothing to do with the video and takes away from the whole thing.

Done right it would be a really dramatic beginning.

[Squirt]

Ok here's the first 10 minutes of the DVD with the voiceover for your end of day ridicule and enjoyment

This is a rough draft. I know there are a couple of imperfections and the inflection needs work. Remember the video is low resolution to make file size manageable for your download.

What are your thoughts? don't be shy

[Jasun]

Million times better.

But I'd remove the text altogether and have the video fade in while the voice over is still going on.

I love the telephone effect on the voice and that music is creepy.. no reason to not keep using it throughout.