New Showtime reality series: Way Out - documenting gay people coming out to family

[Squirt]

The new series is based on the hit reality TV series Intervention. I don't know about you but intervention isn't very good at helping people maintain their dignity through a difficult time.

What are your thoughts on this new series? Is it something you'd watch, or participate in?

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FULL STORY

December 10, 2008
Showtime develops coming-out series

Showtime is developing a reality series documenting gay people coming out to friends and family.

The project is titled "Way Out." In each episode, a closeted individual reveals their true sexual orientation during a group meeting.

Showtime has ordered a pilot presentation from Bryn Freedman, a former journalist and executive producer of A&E's "Intervention," as part of its effort to bolster its unscripted slate.

"It's a show that has universal appeal because everybody can relate to having part of their lives hidden," said Freedman, who is producing the project with Evan Weiss. "The show is all about getting to know the person -- why they have been reluctant to come out and what it looks like to be living a lie, (and) what it is like when people are trying to set you up with dates."

"Out" will show the person's closeted life, document the moment they reveal their orientation to friends and family, then chart how relationships are changed. Although still in the pilot stage, Showtime is enthusiastic about the project. Like the acclaimed "Intervention," which prompted controversy before its debut, Freedman expects that "Out" could provoke strong reactions.

"Before the show comes out, I think people will have a lot of concerns about it," she said. "But like with 'Intervention,' people see we're treating this subject with absolute respect and care and expect it will open a lot of hearts and minds."

Showtime executives have ordered a few other reality projects into development this year, seeking formats with grown-up themes that make sense for a network with a lack of content boundaries.

The first title scheduled likely to hit the air is "Lock n' Load," a six-episode series that plays like HBO's "Taxicab Confessions" set in a Colorado gun store.

[Lee]

Ill probably not watch it.

Im pretty much done with 'reality' shows these days, havent watched one in about 3 years now.

Regards,

Lee

[DonMike]

Logo had done something like this already but not in a series, just in a special. The thing is, it all depends on how it's handled. It sounds like by comparing it with Intervention they are already treating it like "Chuck has a shameful secret, and now it's time to come clean". I mean, if the sympathy is geared towards the family and how they'll deal with this new upheaval and tragedy in their lives then it's going to be one more step in the demonization of the gay community by the media. Now, it is on Showtime, a channel that gained many viewers with Queer as Folk. So I can't think they will do that. Still, reality shows often are meant to shock, so it may be really offensive without even meaning to.

[maxx68]

First...I mean no offense to anyone on this board that is closeted, that being said...

As a Gay man who has been out since birth (you get the picture), has endured the stereotypical abuse, discrimination and all around nastiness that ignorant folks are prone to create, I have a real problem with closeted adults.

If children can have the courage to be open about who they are, then there is NO EXCUSE for adults to be closeted. Adults are equipped to handle stressful situations, kids aren't, but more and more children are realizing who they are at younger ages.

As far as I'm concerned the only thing a closeted adult is good for is intel...getting the open proud gay community the inside dirt on their bosses, clergy, politicians so the open gay community has what it needs to fight for our rights.

[basschick]

wow, that is harsh. there are people who lose their entire families when they come out, or lose their jobs. there are folks who lose their entire support network - friends, casual work buddies, fellow church members. there are those who will lose custody of their kids or be beaten up repeatedly - a few to death.

for some, coming out means to go from being part of a large and involved family and having friends one has known all one's life to being completely alone. and there are plenty of people who would literally kill themselves over that much aloneness.

it's great for society as a whole when people are out, but i see no reason why a person's sexual preference should have to require courage. straight people don't need courage to simply be straight.

maybe you could try having a little compassion for those who don't or can't make the choices you make. it's very easy to say someone SHOULD make the same choices you make, but the world is very complex and everyone has different needs and different things impacting them in their lives.

First...I mean no offense to anyone on this board that is closeted, that being said...

As a Gay man who has been out since birth (you get the picture), has endured the stereotypical abuse, discrimination and all around nastiness that ignorant folks are prone to create, I have a real problem with closeted adults.

If children can have the courage to be open about who they are, then there is NO EXCUSE for adults to be closeted. Adults are equipped to handle stressful situations, kids aren't, but more and more children are realizing who they are at younger ages.

As far as I'm concerned the only thing a closeted adult is good for is intel...getting the open proud gay community the inside dirt on their bosses, clergy, politicians so the open gay community has what it needs to fight for our rights.

[gaybucks_chip]

I would echo Basschick's thoughts and also add a related thought:

We have a number of customers who are very deeply closeted, including one who has told us he has a false wall in his garage where he has over 300 gay porn DVDs.

In some cases, these guys are married with kids -- sometimes grown kids -- and have made the decision to stay closeted because they don't want to damage or destroy their families.

Far from being weak, I think that a lot of these guys have made the decision to keep that part of themselves a secret not out of shame, but because they don't want to hurt anyone. Imagine being the wife and finding out after 20 years of marriage that your husband doesn't really love you because he's gay? Even if there's a strong bond, that would be absolutely crushing for the wife, who might then feel she has to "start over." I definitely think there's a lot of nuance to the situation and it may in some cases be appropriate to maintain that secret.

Now... talking about the combination of 'coming out' and 'intervention'... many years ago a couple friends and I decided that we should start doing gay interventions for closeted people... the sort of thing where you bring the guy into a room (like Intervention) where he thinks he's just meeting for some innocuous reason, and everybody in the room basically says "Look, you're gay, we've known for years, everybody here still loves you, so let's just get past the BS." In the right circumstance I think it can be very helpful.

I had a friend and business partner who was closeted until he was about 28. I'd known for almost 10 years that he was gay, but he wasn't comfortable admitting it and it was really messing with our communication (and the cover stories were getting more and more outrageous.) Eventually, I just essentially did a "one-person intervention." He got really mad, but after a couple days, he acknowledged everything and all the sudden not only our relationship but his comfort with telling others was totally improved... so done in the right circumstance I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing.

[maxx68]

First let me preface my reply by saying this…a question was asked and I stated my opinion. No offense was meant as I posted.

However, in response to basschick, I put forth these last thoughts. When an adult decides to stay in the closet what message is being sent to the gay youth of our world? Does it say that if you want that nice job, lie? If you want a family and children, lie? If you want your life to be less complicated, lie? If you want your friends and family to always love you, lie?

I’m sorry, but when an adult makes those kinds of decisions, what does it say about their character?

My own life would have been so much easier if I had just kept my mouth shut and lied, just like society wanted me to. When do we say, enough? When do we get to live our lives just like everyone else? I’ll tell you when…when we stop allowing antiquated notions of what is expectable and normal govern who we are.

You mentioned people killing themselves because coming out could lead them to being alone, that’s not entirely true. I’ve know countless gay people who came out and lost their biological family only to turn around and find that they had a gay family there with them to get them through the rough times.

And gaybucks_chip…the guy is hiding his porn stash and doesn’t come out for fear of hurting his family. Has it not occurred to anyone that he maybe shouldn’t have lied and gotten married in the first place? Maybe his family won’t be crushed finding out he’s gay, but they probably will be really hurt to know that their husband and father has been living a lie all his life.

I think that if gay folks want to be treated just like their heterosexual counter-parts, then they need to stop acting as if being gay is something shameful…something to keep hidden.

Knowing your gay and still marrying a woman, setting up house with her and having babies without telling her is not the way to go about gaining equal rights, it’s dishonest and selfish. These are two characteristics the gay community as a whole could do without.

I’ll stop myself now; I like being a member of this community and would not like to jeopardize that.

Once again I apologize to anyone I have offended.

[hotdudesnude]

Everyone is different, and everyone has different life experiences.

Not everyone can just come out when they realize they are truly gay, there is a big risk when a person comes out of the closet to their friends and family, and a huge fear comes with that risk.

The location a person lives in and the people around them can really put pressure on someone not to come out.

Sometimes when someone gets married and has children, it's not just the wife or husband they are lying to, they sometimes are lying to themselves, trying to be straight and fit in the straight mold, and it takes some people longer to really come to terms with the fact that yes they are gay.

Not all gay people come out of the womb knowing their sexual orientation.

When I came out I lost friends, gained new friends, and it really strained my relationship with my family, but it was worth it all to be able to live the truth.

I never was married to a woman or anything like that, but I can see how it could happen, and hope that no matter when someone comes out people from the gay community give that person support, because they are gonna need it.:groovy:

[Squirt]

A lot of great opinions and insight here. I especially take interest in Maxx'es view as well as Chips experiences in this matter.

I can say that being an openly Gay parent (not in your face) has been a great experience for myself and my son. It's amazing, when the topic comes up with his friends, how many of them have an openly Gay brother, sister or family member.

My concern with the new Showtime series is that it's based on interventions model, which is quite exploitative of the addicts dilemma. The addict is filmed in degrading, humiliating situations where everyone knows they have a problem, but themselves.

So which homosexuals will the Showtime series focus on? The Gay married man with kids, the Gay priest, the effeminate Gay man where everyone knows he's Gay but he thinks they don't? Will they focus on the emo Gay, the show toons actor Gay, the singing choir Gay, the muscle marry Gay?

In some cases our society see's a closeted homosexual as a selfish individual and one who betrays the ones he loves out of his own self interest.

Is it possible that if this series is done incorrectly that it will drive people farther into the closet?

[DonMike]

And here's the double edge sword in Squirt's statement. They may show any number of gay stereotypes in order to show homosexuality as being shameful, but what does it say about us that we see ourselves as being shameful. How many times have you seen "no fems" in an online profile? How many times has a gay man made a derogatory comment about a "nelly queen"? I mean, all those people you mentioned, the effeminate Gay man, the emo Gay, the muscle mary gay, I mean these are all parts of our society and people we should embrace.

I hate when an effeminate guy is being shown on TV and some butch gay guy says, "well, we're not all like that". Well you know, yes we are. There is nothing wrong with embracing your feminine side and I think this is an important message we need to sent to the media and the het community. We're gay and no we're NOT just like you. We have a rich culture made up of all sorts of different people and you should accept us the way you accept anyone who's different from you. We have gay people who act just like straight people but we also have drag queens and leathermen and jocks and show tune queens and punks and emos and lipstick lesbians and bull dykes and tomboys and girly boys. We use the rainbow flag as our symbol because we are as diverse as the rainbow.

[Squirt]

What he said

I totally agree.

Also, self loathing in minority groups is a result of the stereotypes put upon us by those in the ruling majority. The most extreme of our community are held up as being the standard instead of the exception, then young Gay guys think they have to be into fashion, totally perfect and a hot straight girls side kick to be accepted in the community, that or a drag queen.

Average everyday people in a minority are sort of forced to say how "normal" they are as a disclaimer. I.E. I'm not that kind of black guy. I'm not that kind of Mexican. I'm not that kind of Asian.... followed with "I'm just like everyone else and I just happen to be {fill in the blank}"

Mind you this is all coming from a Gay single father pornographer

I think Showtime has lots of room to make a mess of the show and a narrow window to do something great for the Gay community, and society in general. I hope the latter happens.

[maxx68]

...I hate when an effeminate guy is being shown on TV and some butch gay guy says, "well, we're not all like that". Well you know, yes we are. There is nothing wrong with embracing your feminine side and I think this is an important message we need to sent to the media and the het community. We're gay and no we're NOT just like you. We have a rich culture made up of all sorts of different people and you should accept us the way you accept anyone who's different from you. We have gay people who act just like straight people but we also have drag queens and leathermen and jocks and show tune queens and punks and emos and lipstick lesbians and bull dykes and tomboys and girly boys. We use the rainbow flag as our symbol because we are as diverse as the rainbow.

One of the reasons I haven't had any Gay friends in over 10 years is because the "butch" queens didn't want me around cause I did drag (made a lot of money) and the "fem" queens didn't want to hang with me cause I could use power tools and do some plumbing and electrical.

I never understood this kind of attitude. I grew up in the country (CT with acers of corn fields across from my house) and thought "Gee, I can't wait to get to the city cause Gay folks have this great community where they all love and respect each other...wow, was I in for a rude awakening.

hopefully things have changed cause I do miss have gay folks to talk and hang out with.

[gaybucks_chip]

And gaybucks_chip…the guy is hiding his porn stash and doesn’t come out for fear of hurting his family. Has it not occurred to anyone that he maybe shouldn’t have lied and gotten married in the first place? Maybe his family won’t be crushed finding out he’s gay, but they probably will be really hurt to know that their husband and father has been living a lie all his life.

Of COURSE he shouldn't have gotten married in the first place... but then again, (a) there are people of my generation (myself included) who were literally and genuinely clueless for a long time, and (b) there are also a lot of people who, absolutely genuinely, thought they could "change" and that if they got married, they'd eventually be able to love the person they married.

All I'm trying to say is... it isn't nearly as black-and-white as some may make it out to be. Today, every kid is exposed gay role models as well as gay stereotypes and so, at some level, probably every kid considers at some point whether or not they're gay. That wasn't true 40 years ago for the vast majority of people.

And once you've made the decision, had kids, etc... well, then it becomes a lot more complicated, and a lot more people are affected (potentially very negatively) by the decision of a closeted person to come out.

Now... all of that said, I absolutely agree that the shame associated with being gay needs to be eliminated, and that the more people come out and are honest to themselves and everyone else, the more society will become comfortable with gay people and the stigma associated will go away.

We're definitely moving in that direction. I'm amazed at how comfortable many of the kids 18 or 19 are, and how early they came out. We'll definitely get there, it just takes time.