Oh The Horror!

[DigitalJay]

So, all of you that read my posts know that my week has more or less completely sucked. Well; so far the weekend is the real topper. Last night my bf decides he needs to go out with a friend who dosn't like me (so he says, hrrrmmmm) and drops me off in front of his sisters house! Yeah, the one I walked to. She's not home of course so I have to crawl through her fuckin' livingroom window (can you say felony?), and sit here totally worried the cops will get called. So at about 3:30am he shows up on gay.com (his friends computer is in his bedroom, double hrrrmmmm) telling me he won't be back to get me until Sunday. Then at around 5am (I swear I don't do coke, in fact, I think my brain must produce it naturally I don't even drink coffee!) both his sisters show up, with three guys they met at the bar. Two of them take off, and one goes downstairs with the pregnant sister! It took every fucking ounce of restraint I have not to follow them down and beat some ass. Unfortunately i'm no fighter so I did nothing (shame on me!!) They come up a while later covered in blood! What the fuck is this? Who knows. She's bleeding profusely, I know this much. Where's her sister? Passed out. Where's her brother? Passed out drunk in another gay man's house (bed?) I care about her like my own sister and this shit is killing me! She's been staying with the passed out sister, and going out to bars every thursday, friday, and saturday night, and staying up all night! Thats insane for a pregnant woman in her second trimester!!! One dance with the wrong guy, one pissed off big woman and her child is gone. Any more stress and it's gone. Nobody in her family will set her down and tell her how much they care about her and love her, she's obviously clinically depressed and needs to be shown that she is loved! This girl has scholiosis and has gone untreated for who knows how many years! I had to beg her to buy a lift for her shoe so her hip joint wouldn't deteriorate further. She won't take her prenatal vitamins and i'm making myself sick worrying about it. She drinks caffienated soda and chain smokes marlboro reds, and her fucking brother who supposedly loves her so much buys them for her if she's broke, which in my opinion would be an excellent opportunity to quit! and dosn't he care about her health or the health of her unborn daughter?! I'm at the end of my wits here. Their father is a "recovered alcoholic" who has fallen off the wagon or whatever and now brings a 12 pack home every night and binge drinks. Meanwhile we are "rent to own"ing a fucking refrigerator (can you say white trash?) that is completely empty, which is part of the reason i'm sure that pregnant sister is staying with passed out sister. She's broken out and sufferring an obvious vitamin defiency, I really don't know what the hell to do for her but it's making me sick with depression and worry. I feel like I care about her unborn daughter more than her fucking family does. Being gay, i'm brimming with health information and it bounces off these people like i'm talking to a tree. Everything they eat is fast food or comes from a box/can. I get in huge fights with him for taking me to fast food restaurants instead of the grocery store and he still does it!! Passed out sister has three kids, pregnant sister has a 2 y/o son who is very very well taken care of, but passed out sister has 3 smoke detectors without batteries! I've asked everyone in the family to buy batteries, nobody has yet. Considering that they decrease your risk of dying in a house fire by half, I deem them extremely important and worth a hell of a fucking lot more than a beer or a cigarette! How could I be the only one that thinks in these terms? KIDS FIRST, LUXURIES LATER, ALWAYS! There is no excuse in this world for any other type of thinking! Those kids better have a damn multi vitamin in their mouth at breakfast if they are gonna have mcdonalds in their mouth at night, am I right? Am I just crazy? Double mortgage against the house we live in (me, my bf, and his dad, no longer pregnant sister so she's outta my hands), with the bank threatening to foreclose over unpaid taxes, and beer in the otherwise empty refridgerator! I'm going nuts here people! What the fuck should I do? My mom refuses to let me come stay with her, she's of the school of thought that "hard learned lessons stick" etc. Whats far worse is that I have no way to fix any of our problems in the foreseeable future thanks to my fucked up vision. Right now their mom is stuck in iowa with a broken ankle, and she's caused me some way fucked up stories that put even these to shame, down in fun old galveston texas. I'll let you in on one part; my boyfriend was raped by a crack dealer my first night at work at a bar when he was supposed to be looking out for me and got trashed instead. We were there because she wanted to move to Texas, I borrowed large amounts of money from my family and got the job to support while she "looked for a job" which I guess is another way of saying hooked up with internet men. I used to be somewhat naive and hopeful about life, but this family is making me hate everything about life! Nothing here is wholesome, pure, normal, or full of love! I just want to die...
I'm NOT going to kill myself, and this isn't a big pity party, more a cry for help. I know ultimately only I have the power to change my own life, but somebody give me some guidance because this path is slippery with human shit.
Another note; passed out sister was kicked out by her landlord yesterday because pregnant sisters two year old son was playing in the house outside naked. Since when is this wrong? I take him out to play in it a lot (wearing shorts tho), I even made him a "ghetto sprinkler"; A bottle lid with holes poked in it screwed onto the end of the hose. Her basement is full of human waste because of broken pipes, which is where two of the kids bedrooms are, and the landlord told her it was "her shit, her problem" what the fuck is this? How could anyone be like that to a woman with children??? I don't get it!!!!!

[DigitalJay]

I should note that this is a very nice, and expensive, four bedroom house in a nice neighborhood, with a chain link fenced in yard and patio. The basement is also a finished, carpeted basement. I left out a couple of areas that disturb me also; I forgot passed out sister has a forth kid that was stolen from her home by his dad's mother, and has yet to be returned. This woman calls DFS on passed out sister almost everyday, and they still come over even though the allegations are rediculous, defamatory, and obviously some sort of harassment that should be punishable by law. However, even though the DFS has sent call logs to the district attorny, no actions have been taken against this woman. She is a total psycho and still has the child! The child's father suffers from FAS and was obviously an abused child, so there's another one to worry sick over. Then there are her pets, one a beatiful black half pit half something that lives its entire life on the second floor back porch going insane, with little food or water unless I come over and give it to her. I love this dog and this crap is inexcusable to me!! It loves children and it's beautiful, and it's never been on a walk!! The front yard has another beatiful long haired dog that more or less suffers the same fate, but with much more room. If I come over one more summer day to find empty water dishes i'm gonna do something, I don't care what, even if its let the dogs loose and hope for the best. Who keeps them company? A pregnant constantly whining cat! I'm going crazy you all!!!

[Scorpio]

Well it seems that a lot of things has happened to you lately, and i'm sorry to hear that
First of all... you have to dump your bf! I'm sorry but he sounds like a big joke who does not respect you at all. Man you need to do something because all those things are not healthy for you.

Frankly, i don't know how you can put up with all that crap
Good luck though

[DigitalJay]

Yeah but Scorpio, he's truely a diamond in the rough or whatever that saying is. Look what he came from after all! I want to show him the love he deserves and rescue him from this craptastic excuse for a life, I think we have that in common. At least his family shows him love though, in wierd ways sure, but they are a close family...I think? I don't know, but if he's fucked up, so am I . Match made in heaven. At least I don't completely look like trash, i'm actually kind of cute and I don't have a hick accent or bad fashion sense...well not too bad anyway. He's put the same efforts into rising above, and we've been together 2 and 1/2 years, its hard to break that kind of bond without a damn good reason. Thanks for your consolations but i'm not lookin for pity I promise, just advice and a listening ear they are hard to come by around here (this location, not this website), everyone wants to talk about their own problems (and everyone has plenty!)

By the way, I never run from my problems, I fix them, so leaving isn't an option unless he's with me.

[Scorpio]

Well that's your choice and i can respect that. I'm just giving you my point of view
I just hope that all this misfortune with him will bring you happiness. I mean.. ke kicks you out of his car in the middle of the night and in the middle of nowhere... having you to walk 9 miles... and then going out with "his friend", and telling you he won't be back until Sunday or whatever, plus his family, from what i read, is as fucked up as him

If you don't mind putting up with all that crap, then it's all up to you... you just seem to be a nice guy and frankly, i feel you're wasting your time. Who would deserve that kind of treatment? But hey, if you love him, then so be it... Just know that some of us are always here if you need to talk and will always listen to what you have to say
Even if you don't like this kind of reply but i'm not someone to just bullshit around and say that the whole world is a big happy family, and i'm sure you'd prefer a honest answer too.

Well now i'm sure i'm not gonna get people asking for my support anymore after that hahah LOL Just kidding.

Make the best of your life and hope everything gets better :smooch:

[basschick]

why were you dropped in front of the sister's house? why weren't you left in your own residence?

dude, this is a very toxic family - your bf included. if you want to be with him and not go crazy, you need your own residence. even if it's one room and a bathroom, or even renting a bedroom in a residence. you can't keep getting thrown out of your own place and feel good about yourself. you can't keep getting thrown out of your own place and have the slightest feeling of security in life. because you really DON'T know if you will be allowed to sleep there each night or if in a fight or other situation, you'll be thrown out.

i know you must be in tremendous emotional pain from all this, but from the pregnant sister, you need some emotional detachment. there is alcoholism in the family, and an extreme lack of self-esteem. so they will always be hurt or harmed in some way - and you will suffer each time.

you have to allow them their right to be who they are. that includes their food, partying and drinking choices. they're adults.

if you take all the energy and ideas that you put into THEIR well-being into your own, you'll feel a lot better!!!! take some care of yourself. taking care of everybody but yourself is codependence, which is exhausting!

[Dzinerbear]

dude, if you want us to read this stuff could you at least hit the return button every once in a while a make a new paragraph ... damn that was hard to read

M

[Dawgy]

cliffs notes?

[Bec]

Basschick is right on top of what this boils down to... these people have baggage and issues that you cannot "fix". Bottom line here is that your boyfriend is abusive and controlling -- his issues and baggage, not yours. His stem from being an adult child of an alcoholic and rape issues.

His own lack of self esteem motivates his need to abuse you with lies and running around, it's a fucked up "let's see how much of my shit he'll take and see if he REALLY does love me" ... which is crap, and deep down they know it. Bottom line on that is his own need for creating chaos, because chaos is familiar and he knows how to behave in a chaotic environment. If things get to where they are going good, he'll do just about anything to screw it up. Good stuff scares the shit out of him. Without counseling and the time to learn to love himself, he isn't going to be able to love you.

Your place is to look at WHY you feel you need to stay around this kind of chaos. To me it says you also have a lack of self esteem and on some level, you feel you deserve to be treated like shit. The "if I love him enough, all will be well" is a major lie that you will continue to repeat to yourself while he continues to abuse you. He needs counseling, without it, your relationship has a snowball's chance in a hot hell of making it much longer.

I understand 100% about being a Caretaker ... and you seem to fit the profile. I suffered through a 7 year relationship like the one you're in now. I was cheated on, lied to, abused mentally above and beyond what anyone who really loves you should put someone through. But 7 years was MY FAULT for being afraid to let go and move on!

I had to come to grips with myself, and my needs. I had to get to that place that said, "You'll make it on your own ... you don't need this chaos in your life. You deserve better." And it was scary shit. But once I made the decision to make changes and rely on myself my whole world changed.

Until you're willing to walk away from all of this drama and get to that place where you will allow yourself a true and loving partnership with someone who isn't loaded down with all kinds of baggage ...you aren't going to enjoy any real happiness. This drama will just keep going on and on, with a few variances ... the only constant will be your pain.

I wish you peace ... with all my heart ...