Gay.Co* Is It Responsible?

[DigitalJay]

I've known way too many young guys who have been raped or even molested through this site. Do you all think it's bad business for them to not require age validation and have monitors in every room? It seems like every room there is seperated into two categories; vultures and fresh meat. When I get on my soapbox in there I usually get threatened and bitched out, but it seems like a completely useless trashy site. Do you guys think it's all a matter of Carp Diem or whatever, or should they be more responsible in offering a service that effects so many youths in a negative way?

[Pixxxel]

Hmm...interesting topic.

I think that parents should be monitoring their kids on the internet until they are 16, and then after that, kids should know better than to meet with people they don't know. I can't blame the site for not hindering it, because it's such a large site, and there really is no easy way to monitor someone's age online. Hence why AVS is usually referred to as AEN now, because I personally know that I had a bank credit card when I was 16 (after getting my first job). And aside from people faxing/scanning their ID (which wouldn't help anyways, because who is to say it's not their fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, etc.) And they could monitor the chat rooms, but who would pick up the costs? The users? Not that it wouldn't be worth the cost, but it's expensive to montitor that many chat rooms.

I feel there reaches a point where a child needs to be aware of the world around them. You can't blame a service, or society, or even the parents at a certain age. I wouldn't blame anyone for anything I've done bad in my life, except for myself. Also, if the kids are signing up for a service that is for adults, they should know better. It's like a kid walking in to buy beer or cigarettes, they DO KNOW better, and I'm not saying they deserve what they get, but they certainly shouldn't have done what they did to get in that situation.

I feel like I'm rambling on, and I'm tired and I have to go to work, so I hope that made sense.

Michael

[Ounique]

Pixxxel,

In some ways I agree with you and others I don't. I don't think it's the website's responsibility because everyone knows that meeting people online in any capacity is risky. They could have a page about internet hookup safety, though.

And parents may not be able to monitor thier kids 24 hours a day, but they can sure as hell instill good morals in decision making in them. Parents are so quick to pass the buck when the kids get in trouble. Oh, it's the movies or that damn rock n' roll. Now it's the website's fault. You know, my parents may not have been the most intuative people in the world, in fact they kept me rather sheltered, but even when I went through my rebellious stage I knew enough not to take candy from strangers (no matter what age I was and no matter what "candy" was offered) and to look both ways before crossing the street (again, both literally and figuratively).

[Dawgy]

well, i have gay.com premium account, and i have never seen anyone on there with a stated age of less than 18. however, now and then i do come across someone who lied about their age in the profile.

i dont doubt that some kids get in over their head... its a very typical young gay boy thing to do... but if they are gonna lie about their age & put themselves in that position, then the website should not be held accountable, the parents should.

[DigitalJay]

I agree with everything you all said, but I am also referring to "kids" that are 18 and up, just naive as hell and not realising that the men who prey on them have practiced their lines many times and know just how to pick out their victims.

I've known a lot of young men who were raped through gay.com by men who's theory was "This kid isn't out to his parents, so who is he going to tell?" That is why I think there should be some kind of safety net on gay.com, moderators that guys can go to about sex offenders, rapists, etc and possibly take some kind of action against them without getting in trouble. I realise this would involve a lot of bullshit and guys could team up on men they hate to get them banned etc, but I still think something like this is needed.

I realise the same types of things can happen to young men in social situations, but a lot of guys who are shy or closeted and not ready for a real scene start in gay.com and really get into trouble, and have nobody to turn to about it. I know guys who have been raped by men they met in the chatroom, who know that the man who did it still chats there and meets other young men. Surely there is some kind of proactive measure the site owners could take to at least try to cut down on this type of behavior?

[Ounique]

You know, you have a very strong point DigitalJay. I don't know so much about the chat site's responsibility, because they are running a business site where anyone can chat. But a monitor in each room would be a good idea. Even if each monitor is part of more than one room. At least they can keep an eye on people who only come in to make trouble. But it's really up to the user to be responsible. But I agree, something does need to be done. The same problem that happens with these closeted twinks also happens to submissive males in the kink scene. They are still closeted about thier interests (which is a lot like being in the gay closet) and they will hook up with these online "Masters" and "Daddys", and will buy any line they give them. These guys are in an aweful lot of danger. You don't need any kind of certification to be a Dom, and sadly, any random creep can go online and pretend to be something he is not. Plus, someone who has a submissive nature may find themselves wanting to do what these hot Dom guys are telling them to do, yet be too niave to realize that you really shouldn't follow the orders of just anyone you meet in a chat room, not matter what they are calling themselves. And these guys are afraid to tell thier friends that they're going to someone's house to get tied up, flogged or whatever, so they put themselves in great danger. I'll tell you, I've had a few really bad experiences and looking back, I'm very lucky to be here today and still have my health (and all my body parts!)

I belong to a leather club and we have something we call the "boy network". If I'm going to play with someone, I know I can call on any of my leather brothers and give them a name and an address where I will be. We'll also make arrangements for me to call or instant message when I'm done. And we have the advantage that we can pass around the person's photo or profile online and ask if anyone knows the person, if he is safe, and possibly talk to some of the guys who have played with him before.

Now, how could we apply this to the vanilla dating world? Could the gay chat sites have some sort of registration service? Maybe a chat site that verifies people's info so that you know you are safe by meeting this person? Or perhaps the formation of clubs where young men could join, keep their information private (to stay in the comfort zones of their closets), yet compare notes about the men they meet in the chat rooms and, hopefully, make others aware of predators. There has to be something that can be done.

[RainGurl]

just bought John Douglas's new book (former head of fbi profiling unit) called "Anyone You Want Me To Be" about a guy who stalked and murdered people he met in chat rooms. Scary stuff.

[jIgG]

maybe some of these guys should buy a clue

talked to a friend of mine today who was hanging out at one of those profile sites. he met a 22 year old guy and after talking 10 minutes the guy came over. at my friend's place.
10 minutes and go to someone's apartment, someone you dont know at all.

to me those kinds of people are just asking for it.

gay.com has no responcibility, just like a car maker has no responcibility when you get drunk behind the wheel and mow down 20 people on a parking lot.

if someone can't make a sound judgment then they'll get what comes their way. sadly

[DigitalJay]

I kind of agree with you JigG; some people just have to learn the hard way. It seems like the rights of passage for gay men are like getting chewed up and spit out and seeing how you cope with it. It's like putting yourself through a grater, and then learning who and what you are while you put yourself back together. Unfortunately a lot of the gay men I know have holes that'll never be filled for this reason.
I just have a habit of wanting to protect the sheep from the wolves. I guess that makes me a shepard? j/k
My question wasn't really worded right I guess, my question wasn't should gay.co* be held responsible for these things, but should they take proactive measures to be more responsible about how their service is used?

[jIgG]

i dont think it's possible
unless you run background checks on everyone who's joining.

the freaks are always drawn to the net because they feel anonymous.

people should stop assuming the person on the other side is who he says he is. but they're too horny for the dick to be thinking with their upper head.

[Chris Alan]

What a great thread. You all made some valid points. :thumbsup:


CA