The BDSM Niche

[Bec]

Ok, I'm looking at doing a BDSM site soon, and would like any thoughts, insights, knowledge, terminology and explanations, marketing approaches, etc on any and every aspect of the niche and the people who pay to see that sort of site ... and I am interested in both the Gay and Straight marketing aspects.

Stuff like, what's the turn on, what "sub" categories fit, ie: leather, fisting, vac bags, whippings, spankings, other terms that I'm blanking on ...LOL

[Ounique]

Heh heh, big surprise that I would jump at this, huh? LOL!

Well, your question is pretty broad. There are as many facets to the bdsm lifestyle as there are people. I'll have to see if I can find some good resources for you to visit. This is from the lifestyle side of it, of course, I have no idea about marketing bdsm sites and all that, but I can tell ya, if you need content for it I think I know where you could go.

In the meantime, if you have some specific questions, feel free to ask and I'll be happy to give you any info I have.

[Bec]

Hmm - I know it's a broad question, but that's because I'm not even sure what specific things I want to know! I just want to be sure to talk the talk, and be sure to categorize things correctly. Off the top of my head here's a few specific questions ...

1. When, how, why ... is the term Bitch used?
2. Is S & M the same as BDSM?
3. A female Dom is also a Madame .. what is the Male dom called?
4. Is "Daddy" ever used, and if so, when.

[Dzinerbear]

Bec,

Check out Bear Bound It's a good bear bondage site that I promote. It does quite well with my traffic. I've also done some of their banners.

I believe a male dom would be called Sir or Master.

Yes Daddy is used. I think it's a matter of preference and the scene. It would definitely be something to get cleared up with the dominant before the scene started.

You might want to check out some legalities on the whole BDSM issue because the guy from Bearbound told me that he can't actually show any of the bound men engaged in sex. You need to be careful about it not looking consentual.

And you also need to be careful about bound people looking like they're in too much distress.

I would say there are pretty distinct differences between SM and BDSM. I notice at Bearbound a lot of their models never take their clothes off. So, the whole BDSM thing, for some, is about restraint and not nudity, sex, or cock.

SM also has an element of pain, where BDSM, again, is largely about restraint, control, and fucking with someone's mind.

I hope this helps.
Dzinerbear

[Tala]

Originally posted by Bec

1. When, how, why ... is the term Bitch used?
2. Is S & M the same as BDSM?
3. A female Dom is also a Madame .. what is the Male dom called?
4. Is "Daddy" ever used, and if so, when.

*perk perk*

Allow me to be of assistance.

1. The term "bitch" can be used at any time among consenting partners, however, it usually refers to the submissive, especially a feminized submissive.

2. S&M usually stands for Sado-Masochism, and while not entirely what makes up BDSM as a whole, is often mistakenly used as the synonym for BDSM. BDSM has so many facets that it's almost impossible to delve into all of them, but anytime you want some information about specific facets, just ask.

3. A FemDom can be called several things depending on Her whim: Madame, Miss, Mistress, My Lady, Ma'am and Goddess are commonly found. MaleDoms are often called Sir, My Lord, Lord, Master or Daddy.

4. Daddy is a term often used by partners involved in age-play, i.e., the sub role playing a child and the Dominant role playing a Daddy. However, I have heard it many times used by submissives who are twinks toward Dominants who are not.

If there's anything else I can answer, please ask. I'm also curious to see what Ounique's replies to these questions would be. Always happy to learn.

Tala a.k.a. Ms.Narcissa


:bow:

[Tala]

Originally posted by Dzinerbear
Bec,

Check out Bear Bound It's a good bear bondage site that I promote. It does quite well with my traffic. I've also done some of their banners.

I believe a male dom would be called Sir or Master.

Yes Daddy is used. I think it's a matter of preference and the scene. It would definitely be something to get cleared up with the dominant before the scene started.

You might want to check out some legalities on the whole BDSM issue because the guy from Bearbound told me that he can't actually show any of the bound men engaged in sex. You need to be careful about it not looking consentual.

And you also need to be careful about bound people looking like they're in too much distress.

I would say there are pretty distinct differences between SM and BDSM. I notice at Bearbound a lot of their models never take their clothes off. So, the whole BDSM thing, for some, is about restraint and not nudity, sex, or cock.

SM also has an element of pain, where BDSM, again, is largely about restraint, control, and fucking with someone's mind.

I hope this helps.
Dzinerbear

Very well said. :groovy:

[dirtygeek]

Ya know, the fetish I do not get that falls in this catagory (in my mind) is the gas masks.

I don't get it. I saw this pic of this guy wearing one and this other guy was using the rest room in the hose.

I thought I was pretty kinky and down for almost everything, but that through me for a loop. I just sat there looking at the pic wonding why.....

[Bec]

Ok, so far the replies are wonderful and just what I'm needing ... but Michael I don't understand this comment:

You need to be careful about it not looking consentual.

I thought all S/m and BDSM WAS consentual?

I've also been told that while the Madame or Sir at first glance would appear to be the one in control, that it's actually the submissive partner that is the controlling participant. Is this accurate?

I also understand that there is usually a word or signal that can be given for an immediate cesation of the scenario, which tells me that any BDSM play is pre-planned and similar to acting out a fantasy. Would that be an accurate assumption on my part?

[Bell]

here you go sweets...

here's a good starting point...

you'll learn things you never knew to ask...



http://www.cuffs.com/stories/discTexts/jonjacobs.htm

http://www.wordiq.com/definition/BDSM

http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/handb_tw.html

http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/B...o/bdsm_101.htm

http://www.hush-hush.co.uk/article_bdsm.html

http://encyclopedia.thefreedictionary.com/Safe%20word

http://www.adultsx.co.uk/htm/guides/bdsm2.shtml

http://www.sexualhealth.com/content/...subtopicID=203

http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/B...dsm_basics.htm


~Bell

[Bell]

more for you:



<b>http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/slavecon.html</b>

http://public.diversity.org.uk/deviant/ssethics.htm

http://www.bcwsd.com/backroom/librar.../etiquette.htm

http://www.thesite.org/youthnet/jsp/...sp?d=264&a=715

http://www.pawscave.dircon.co.uk/IML/beef3.htm

http://www.nlacolumbus.com/education/sm101/smbasic.html

http://shop.adultshop.com.au/guides/bandd04.html

http://www.io.com/~ambrosio/startnew/rules.html

http://myweb.tiscali.co.uk/englishroissy/info.htm

~Bell

[Pixxxel]

Originally posted by Bec
Ok, so far the replies are wonderful and just what I'm needing ... but Michael I don't understand this comment:

I thought all S/m and BDSM WAS consentual?

I've also been told that while the Madame or Sir at first glance would appear to be the one in control, that it's actually the submissive partner that is the controlling participant. Is this accurate?

I also understand that there is usually a word or signal that can be given for an immediate cesation of the scenario, which tells me that any BDSM play is pre-planned and similar to acting out a fantasy. Would that be an accurate assumption on my part?

I hate to step in for the other Michael, but since that's my name too, I guess I could claim confusion :p

S&M and BDSM is USUALLY consentual. What Michael was trying to warn you about was making sure you depicted that it was consentual. In the BDSM niche, there's a thin line that you walk on between fantasy, and r*pe. Stay away from words like "forced", "beaten", etc. that might in any way give the impression that something illegal occured. Because if you go to a site, and see one man tied up and gagged, looking "fearful", who is to say those are two models acting out a scenario and not some crazy whack job who kidnapped some guy and r*ped him. In the world we live in today, you never really know. And if people can take pictures of children, who is to say they want to do the above?

So make sure you describe that it's a fantasy, or that it's consentual (something like: "Fake Name loves to be tied up while his master has his way with him." Not something like "Fake Name was bound and gagged, and beaten into submission until he did everything Other Fake Name wanted." Might draw unwanted attention if you know what I mean.

I'm not sure, but I think that the controlling partner is the one who is the dominant, not the submissive. While the submissive can call it off, usually they are the one chained up, whipped, etc. by the dom.

Also, about the "word", usually it's called a safe word, something both partners know ahead of time, and it's used, because if you're acting out a fantasy, you might say "No, stop" and it would be hard to tell if you meant it or we're playing your part. And as far as I know, the scenarios are not pre-planned, hence why there is a safe word if things go too far and get out of hand.

I'm not an expert, and I've never done it (no, really), but those were the impressions I am under.

Michael

[Dzinerbear]

Originally posted by Bec
I thought all S/m and BDSM WAS consentual?

Well that's the theory, but think about censors, the morality squad, what do they know about SM play. All you need is for some do-gooder complaining that someone in your picture set looks like they're in real distress and you could have problems.

And yes, when you're setting up a scene, experienced players will use a "safe" word. It's usually something totally weird like "flamingo" because we all know in scene play "no" doesn't really mean "no" and "stop" doesn't really mean "stop." It's a part of the scene. Whereas screaming out "flamingo" definitely sets a clear message.

But at the same time, don't assume that it's ubiqutous. Lots of guys who are looking for "sm" play haven't got a clue what they're doing. Ever seen those profile online that say "no limits?"

I'll bet if a dominant tied one of those guys up and pulled out a butcher knife and grabbed his balls in his other hand that he'd develop some limits in a hurry.

And while we're on the topic of BDSM, here's one for Cameron Diaz fans:

http://www.scandal-inc.com/

Cheers
Dzinerbear

[Ounique]

Tala, I do believe I've found a kindred spirit here. Heh heh. I had every intention of posting on this thread last night and didn't get around to it. Looks like you all are doing a pretty awesome job with this topic. I'll try not to be redundant. And I will use the male pronoun since I'm speaking from my experience, and I'm a male. But they are interchangable.

On the subject of the Top being in control, a friend of mine is a Master who has two slaves and a boy. He gave a presentation one time about the lifestyle and said something along the lines of "I am a Master, which is to say that I am a Dominant who exerts control over my submissives... usually at their descretion". LOL! The idea of control is interesting. The sub gives the Dom control over him, however, a good Dom will want to do things to the sub that he knows the sub wants (or in some cases, needs). So in effect, the sub controls the scene by allowing the Dom to dominate him. If a Dom is exerting control over someone in a non-consentual manner, then you get into issues other than bdsm.

On the subject of BDSM vs. S&M. The letters "S" and "M" in both terms stand for the same thing, Sado-Masochism, the giving and receiving of pain. However, not all kinky play involves S&M. I've been told that the straight kinky community uses the term BDSM to encompass all kinky play, while we in the gay community use the term "Leather". I often refer to my community as the "Leather Communty" even though I know a lot of people who are into rope bondage, Rubber and other things who never wear a stitch of leather. It's just one of those things.

To add to what Tala had said about titles. I believe that Lord and My Lord are terms that are mostly used in the straight kink community to refer to a male Dom. In the gay community we usually use Sir, Daddy or Master.

And on the subject of the term Daddy. Daddy and boy are not just terms used to imply age play, although they certainly are used in that context. The term can also mean a particular type of Dominant and submissive natures. A slave and a boy are both submissives. The differences have been up for discussion and debate for some time. I tend to describe the difference as this, a slave serves because they have a need to, a boy serves because he wants to. Some Dominant men do not feel comfortable with the term Master, nor do they feel that thier needs encompass the full ownership and control over a sub, the way that Masters and slaves tend to interact. We call these men "Sir" or "Daddy". It has nothing to do with age. I know boys who are older than their Daddies.

There has been a huge movement in the past few years by people who identify as "boy". There have been a lot of problems with internet predators taking advantage of submissives by passing themselves off as experienced Doms, and causing abuse both mentally and physically. There are clubs popping up all around the country for subs who are looking to get into the scene. They are the "boys of Leather" clubs. I, myself, am President of the LA boys of Leather. Okay, here's one to make you think... girls can be "boys" too. We are a pansexual group open to anyone who identifies with a male submissive spirit. I know female "boys" who have female "Daddies". It's not about being transgendered, but about the male spirit. There is also a Leathergirl movement going on for people (both female and male) who identify with the submissive female spirit.

Okay, believe it or not, I actually am working so I need to get back to all my content orders and other postings and stuff. But one last thing. For AndyMike, gas masks can be fun. Constricting, bondage, sensory deprivation, breath play, and just plain freaky cool lookin'. There are many reasons why someone might like something that go beyond the surface.

[Tala]

Originally posted by Ounique
Tala, I do believe I've found a kindred spirit here. Heh heh. I had every intention of posting on this thread last night and didn't get around to it. Looks like you all are doing a pretty awesome job with this topic.

Why thank you. Always fun and interesting to hear several points of view on the subject, which is why I feel very comfortable to hear what you and others have to say.

On the subject of the Top being in control, a friend of mine is a Master who has two slaves and a boy. He gave a presentation one time about the lifestyle and said something along the lines of "I am a Master, which is to say that I am a Dominant who exerts control over my submissives... usually at their descretion". LOL! The idea of control is interesting. The sub gives the Dom control over him, however, a good Dom will want to do things to the sub that he knows the sub wants (or in some cases, needs). So in effect, the sub controls the scene by allowing the Dom to dominate him. If a Dom is exerting control over someone in a non-consentual manner, then you get into issues other than bdsm.

As I like to put it: A Top without a willing bottom is just an asshole talking to himself.

To put this in a more detailed manner, the BDSM/Leather Communities follow the "Rule of Three" which is Safe, Sane, and Consensual, (also seen as just SSC). If a scene doesn't follow these three guidelines, then it isn't a scene, it's abuse.

Example here: To be safe, the Top, (usually: I have seen several scenes in which the sub does this), ensures that the play area is safe from prying eyes, and that the sub is comfortable playing there. The sub is also given "safewords" which are used to tell the Top when something isn't quite right. (Most often used: green for go go go, yellow for slow it down, you're approaching a limit, and red for ALL STOP)

To be sane, (and this is Me I'm talking about on this one, others will have differences), I do not drink alcohol nor indulge in any drug prior to a scene, so that My mind is completely on the sub and what I'm doing. This also helps with the safety issue, for if you aren't sane, guaranteed you aren't safe. I do not allow subs with whom I am to play to drink or indulge in drugs beforehand either, so that I know they're sane enough to consent and use a safeword. Example of this would be a drunk sub not being able to tell me I've gone too far, and this is bad.

To be consensual, ANY activity between partners is negotiated and agreed to beforehand, no matter if you're long-time D/s (Dominant/submissive relationship, also called Master and slave) or a first-time play party meeting.

If one of these is not met, then all play is null and void. (damn I'm long winded. Sorry.)

On the subject of BDSM vs. S&M. The letters "S" and "M" in both terms stand for the same thing, Sado-Masochism, the giving and receiving of pain. However, not all kinky play involves S&M. I've been told that the straight kinky community uses the term BDSM to encompass all kinky play, while we in the gay community use the term "Leather". I often refer to my community as the "Leather Communty" even though I know a lot of people who are into rope bondage, Rubber and other things who never wear a stitch of leather. It's just one of those things.

Well said.

To add to what Tala had said about titles. I believe that Lord and My Lord are terms that are mostly used in the straight kink community to refer to a male Dom. In the gay community we usually use Sir, Daddy or Master.

Learn something new every day. Thanks.

And on the subject of the term Daddy. Daddy and boy are not just terms used to imply age play, although they certainly are used in that context. The term can also mean a particular type of Dominant and submissive natures. A slave and a boy are both submissives. The differences have been up for discussion and debate for some time. I tend to describe the difference as this, a slave serves because they have a need to, a boy serves because he wants to. Some Dominant men do not feel comfortable with the term Master, nor do they feel that thier needs encompass the full ownership and control over a sub, the way that Masters and slaves tend to interact. We call these men "Sir" or "Daddy". It has nothing to do with age. I know boys who are older than their Daddies.

I had heard of this, but wasn't sure if that was what she was asking. Thanks for adding it in. You rock.

There has been a huge movement in the past few years by people who identify as "boy". There have been a lot of problems with internet predators taking advantage of submissives by passing themselves off as experienced Doms, and causing abuse both mentally and physically. There are clubs popping up all around the country for subs who are looking to get into the scene. They are the "boys of Leather" clubs. I, myself, am President of the LA boys of Leather. Okay, here's one to make you think... girls can be "boys" too. We are a pansexual group open to anyone who identifies with a male submissive spirit. I know female "boys" who have female "Daddies". It's not about being transgendered, but about the male spirit. There is also a Leathergirl movement going on for people (both female and male) who identify with the submissive female spirit.

Didn't know that either and would be interested in hearing more about it.

Okay, believe it or not, I actually am working so I need to get back to all my content orders and other postings and stuff. But one last thing. For AndyMike, gas masks can be fun. Constricting, bondage, sensory deprivation, breath play, and just plain freaky cool lookin'. There are many reasons why someone might like something that go beyond the surface. Agreed on the gas mask part, which is also why I like hoods and gags. Fun times.

:groovy:

[Jason]

Originally posted by Ounique
Tala, I do believe I've found a kindred spirit here.

dude...you so should have been there with us in San Diego...you and Tala are really on the same track. plus...i'm sure you would have enjoyed her whiping lesson...i know the security guard did