Gay? Bi? Just crazy?

[NikKay]

I'm split on how I feel about this situation, so I thought I would get some opinions.

I had a husband once. Throughout our relationship, our sexual activity was pretty lame and non-existant. We did manage to have a son, however. I always got the feeling he just wasnt attracted to me. He wouldnt touch me for no reason, he never seemed to be impressed with my attractiveness, etc. Early on, I thought it was the pregnancy, and getting over the pregnancy, but once I was my hot self again, I didnt understand. In denial, I thought maybe he liked really thin blondes, whereas I am a petite curvy brunette.

There were a few odd instances. In general, he always seemed to attach himself to one cute guy friend, and other friends would joke that he must be "in love" with his friend for how he hung on to them so much. I woke up one night to find him fucking himself with my vibrator. Hey, some straight guys like it, I surmised. We had a 3-some once (I am bisexual), and he couldnt get a hard-on. Towards the end of my marriage, we were out one night with 2 gay friends who were hooking up, and my wasted husband pulls down his pants and says, "I really want you two to have sex in front of me right now." After the divorce, other friends start telling me about his activities before meeting me. He would sleep in bed with his guy friends, and he was jerking off on camera in this gay voyeur house. It also came out that he had "done gay shit" with someone, but "only to get his business."

Everyone tells me hes in the closet. He does have somem major issues going on, which would be a book, so I wont go into. So, do you think he has issues because he is in the closet? Do you think he is gay? Bisexual? Or just crazy? Have any of you come out of the closet and found that your life became a much better place?

[Jasun]

Well, the grass is alwasy greener, but it's still covered with fertalizer.

It sure sounds like he was having issues with his sexuality, but things like that are so complex that anecdotal evidence really can't give enough information to make a diagnosis.

If he's still in your life, it may do you some good to know, and you might wanna just come out and ask him, but since he may not have been honest with you in the past, he probably wouldn't be now.

It he's not in your life, it would probably be best to just move on, and not think it had much to do with you.

Everyone's got their demons... in or out of the closet (and to answer your question, coming out was a horrible process for me personally, but I'm a lot happier now that the years of family/friend/employment drama are over).

[Xstr8guy]

He's GAY! I was "straight" for most of my life, hence the name Xstr8guy. I simply did not want to be gay and did everything to deny the truth. I was even married for 5 years and many of your experiences sound quite familiar.

[basschick]

maybe he's gay, or maybe he's a jerk bisexual. either way, telling you would have been nice so you wouldn't think "is it me?"

i know a guy who does that to all his partners. he's mildly into guys, and he flirts with them, but mostly he only likes sex with anyone while they're new to him. once a relationship is established, he loses all interest in girls or guys or the VERY sexy tg he was fucking.

the thing about this guy - i've known plenty of others like him, but he's the one that was the most obvious about it - is he lets his partners think that THEY are no longer appealing rather than admit he either can't or doesn't want to sustain a sexual relationship. and if he's with a guy, he lets them think the problem is he'd rather be with a woman - if he's with a woman, he flirts a lot with guys in front of her.

maybe ya found yourself one of those. no matter what HIS issue is, though, you don't need it unless you're into emotional punishment. everyone is sexy to someone, so why be with someone who acts this way toward you?

[Dzinerbear]

People struggling with their sexuality do all kinds of weird and wonderful things, none of which had anything to do with you.

It's unfortunate that people still can't be honest about who they are.

Just try and move on and say it really had nothing to do with you. And here's my opinion: He picked you because he felt safe with you, and that's a compliment. He also had to be attracted to you because he thought that out of all of the women in the world, you'd be the one who could help him stay straight. That's a big compliment.

Cheers
Dzinerbear

[Xstr8guy]

Originally posted by basschick
maybe he's gay, or maybe he's a jerk bisexual. either way, telling you would have been nice so you wouldn't think "is it me?"

"Bisexuality is just a rest stop on the way to gay town" :honest:

[basschick]

Dzinerbear - it sounds like you are identifying with this guy. you seem like a really nice person, but just because you are a nice person who went through this doesn't mean her ex was. you and he had some common experiences, but it doesn't even mean for sure he's going through the same thing you did.

after you left your wife, did you ever let her know you were gay?

[basschick]

Xstr8guy - cute but not necessarily true. i have been attracted to guys and girls since i was a kid, and i still am.

[Dzinerbear]

ROFL

basschick, you've completely misread my e-mail. I've been doing boys since I was 10 years old. I've never had sex with women, never claimed to like sex with women, I've never been anything but a raging homo.

I was just trying to look at things from this guy's perspective and why he might have done the things he did. Plus, trying to help Nikkay see things from a different perspective so she can move on.

Cheers
Dzinerbear

[Xstr8guy]

Originally posted by basschick
Xstr8guy - cute but not necessarily true. i have been attracted to guys and girls since i was a kid, and i still am.

It was meant to be cute, not true... just one of my favorite lines from Sex in the City.

I think it was me you were referring to in your response to D-bear. Yes, my wife did find out I was gay after our divorce... and she was actually surprised, as was everyone in my family. . And I didn't think it could have been more obvious.

We used to speak ocassionally, but not since she found out... although she did send a sympathy card when my father died.

[NikKay]

Dzinerbear- Thanks for the kind words. I have no doubt he felt safe with me. I am a very accepting person, and always try to be empathetic to everyone first and foremost. I have moved on personally, the only thing is that we have a son, and I feel some responsibility to do what I can to make my ex a happier person so I can feel comfortable with him being a Father. If he is gay, and admitting it would make him happier, than thats what I want for him.

Xstr8guy- Sighhhh... I can't go to gay bars because lesbians hate bisexual women; we have such a bad rap. Bisexuality is real. With women, I like to be dominant, and with men, I like to be dominated. How could I give up either one?

basschick- Thanks for the support. Like I said, thinking it was just me didn't extend beyond my pregnancy. Once that wasn't an issue, and I know I'm hot, it was a matter of "What is the problem here?"

I don't even think I could broach this issue with him without him acting very offended. How did some of you "ex-straight" people come to the realization and admittance?