The News of Year 2029

[Chris Alan]

The News of Year 2029

- Ozone created by electric cars is now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, Mexifornia - formally known as California.

- Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
livestock.

- Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.

- Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

- Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the
Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

- Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10
more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

- France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.

- Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally, although President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

- Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

- 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight
loss.

- Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

- Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter
speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

- Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

- Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

- Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

- New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

- Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.

- Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

- IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

[Lee]

Originally posted by Chris Alan
- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Musnt laugh... Trying not to... LMAO

Regards,

Lee