Oh Hell...

[DigitalJay]

Well the LCD screen on my stupid digital camcorder died. The friend who let me borrow money for it said "sorry bout ya" and want's it back so he can return it and have the money refunded on his credit card. So now i'm out of a nice camera again...

I'm just bitching because I'm fuckin pissed and sick of nothing working out for me...and I actually WANT pity for once .

JC and i got into it last night and he trashed almost all my shit, even childhood memories shit, with a baseball bat, and now this. I still keep stepping on playstation and dvd player chunks and it's keeping me in a FOUL mood...I have no idea why my AOL account is still working but I have a feeling when it goes i'm gonna go try to swim the river until I drown or something.

[DigitalJay]

To those of you that think it's tacky to post about your personal life in a public forum....that's me!

[gaystoryman]

Sorry to hear about your spate of bad luck but cheer up, you seem like the type who always finds a way to bounce back and I am sure you will this time too.

Sucks when shit happens, but it does and you'll get back on your feet. Just hang in .

Ian

[Bec]

Sorry to hear about the camera - why can't you take it back and get a replacement instead of a refund??

I also don't understand why you're with someone that is showing that kind of aggression!!! Hell, next time it could be YOU that gets that bat to the head!!

[DigitalJay]

The thing that makes us fight is his constantly pushing me to have an open relationship, sex, sex, sex, but never ever being able to match it with "I want to do this positive thing together, what can we do to achieve this?" There is no balance, no building each other up, no helping each other achieve dreams. Three years of constant stress, disgust, worry, sadness, misery, you name it.

I DO want monogomy and commitment, I don't want to chase after hollow desires that lead to depression, low self-esteem, and health problems. I'm not so old fashioned as to think monogomy is all important morally, but in this crazy world I know my priorities; I want love and stability over sex and self destruction. Am I a completely novel 24 year old or what? Don't guys like me EXIST???

Well, my constant worry over him wanting an open relationship but me not being able to accept it has finally driven us apart. It's over, and I burned all my bridges looong ago. I'll be going to stay at the Salvation Army shelter. I hope to talk to all of you again someday, hopefully from a much happier place!

[Lykos]

Sorry to hear for your camera budd
Hope u will get a new and nicer one very soon!
And about posting ypur personal things public....This is not GFY!
And i am sure everyone here will try to help with some nice advice and won't try to flame u!
take care!:angel:

[DigitalJay]

Hmm...he came back home and talked me into staying until I can figure something out. I should get my head on straight before I post anymore though. Really need to outgrow the drama and petiness and get my shit together.

[Rainbo1956]

Sounds good about "Really needing to outgrow the drama and pettiness and get your shit together"

And, you will...first know exactly what you want, be very clear about it...then go for it! (I believe you do and are)

I also agree with Bec...and you sure as hell don't need that

It sounds like you really care about yourself, so start showing yourself that.

I don't know you, but, any counselor or therapist would tell you it's crazy to except someone that doesn't want the same things as you and who would trash all of your stuff.

Guys that want monogamy and commitment DO exist out there!
All of my partners and mine gay friends are in long term monogamist relationships...many couples

Things WILL get better....this is also a cyclical time of year that seems to be affecting many people negatively right now....it will pass

[eclipse]

Sounds to me like someone is growing up

There will come a time in life where it will be more important to follow your heart, and not necessarily your libido....

Everyone wants the perfect 10 guy, and this can cause them to look beyond the real perfect 10 thats right in their face.

There are plenty of very nice guys out there, just look around, and beyond the exterior. Find a person with a good heart and a willingness to open their heart to you.

[DigitalJay]

You are totally right Eclipse! Luckily, my libido has rarely led me anywhere but the bathroom with a dirty mag. Saves time, self-destructive behavior, and self esteem.

Guess what everyone - I threw my cheap batteries away, and went and got some Energizers, and magicly the damn camera started working again! Ever feel like you are on a bullshit rollercoaster? Ah well everything is relative, I don't have many problems compared to a lot of people. Everyone should keep things like the genocide that is happening in Africa as I type this in mind when they are feeling like their life is awful, or when they are out buying stupid crap they don't need for that matter. I know i'm a hypocrite big-time, just trying to inspire thought.

Consume, dispose, consume more...let's all replace that with give, get back, give more as much as we can!

[Lee]

Sorry to hear that bro hope everything works itself out for you

Regards,

Lee