I Owe My Mother

[dirtygeek]

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just
finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into
the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through
it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't
exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this
world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home"

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to
freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are
cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come
running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born
in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: - My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just
like you!"

[Chris Alan]

LMAO Man did that bring back memories. Thanks for sharing.

[dirtygeek]

I think southern mom's are the same as jewish mom's. My mom says the same things to me.

[Bruce]

i would love to talk whit you but my mother past away and i loved her so.....
bruce

[dirtygeek]

Bruce, I am sorry to hear that. I make jokes about my redneck mom, but I would be crushed if something happened to her.

Help, I moved from LA to Florida for 8 months to make sure that her sergery went well and to make sure she could walk. (she had foot stuff done and couldn't walk for 3 months, and 4 months of thearphy)