Gay Experience

[DigitalJay]

I woke up way too early and I feel like typing so I'm just gonna ramble for a little bit...

I've met so many guys with "stigma" about being gay, it sucks but I really think things have come a long way. I've never felt bad about my sexuality, and for the most part nobody has ever made me feel bad about it.

I moved when I was a junior in high school to a tiny midwest town, and when I started that school year I'd hear guys saying things in the hall like "That's the new kid, he's gay." I would blush and almost feel ashamed about it, but I got over it quick. I wasn't a jock or anything and had next to nothing in common with most of the guys, but I made a lot of guy friends, from jocks to nerds. The cutest and most popular guys in school wanted to hang out with me all the time, and never gave me shit.

Guys would show up at my house all the time, and sit in my room on my bed with me for hours just talking, or go "road tripping" with me at night for hours. Never any inuendo, just hanging out. At house parties if I got tipsy I'd always be one of the few guys dancing, and if they didn't know I was gay by the way I danced they were crazy . But I never, ever got any shit for it. If guys were having problems with their girlfriends, they always came to me for advice or just to vent.

It was overall a really positive experience, and I'm still really happy i'm not one of those guys who says "but i fucked the quarterback" as if seducing the straight guys makes you hot shit.

At 19 when I started dating, I was always welcomed by families and friends, nobody ever had anything negative to say. Weird questions for sure, but never anything bad. During bad times i've had to live with bf's rents and was always welcomed and made to feel comfortable.

I don't know what my point is, but growing up in the midwest I would think I woulda been bashed a lot and had a really hard time, but to this day nobody has shown me more than curiousity. The worst i've heard is "It dosn't bother me just don't hit on me" which is annoying but not hateful.

To those of you so geared up over marriage and other issues, just know that we have come a long way, and things are progressing and will continue to progress. Besides, the harder the fight the sweeter the prize. Minorities and women find a lot of pride in past and current struggles for equality, I hope glbt's can feel that just as strongly. I can't relate to being held back or put down, but I'd like to think it would make me stronger, not break me.

I've met a lot of "broken" men and it makes me feel like the big difference between a lot of gay men and women in general is that women carry around their baggage until it makes them stronger, then toss it aside, and gay men have a habit of dragging it around and beating each other with it every chance they get. So how do those of us without the baggage help take a load off everyone else? Wish I knew...

[DigitalJay]

Ok i reread my post and figured out what my point was. Growing up around straight people, I was always happy, positive, hard working, and surrounded by friends. Since then, gay men and gay scenes have made me feel jaded, angry, sad, lazy, and negative. And i've completely lost my sense of humor. Being in a group of gay friends has never made me feel as welcome or unscrutinized as my old highschool friends did.

Out and about with gay guys, what i'm wearing, how I look, what I say, how I act, all matter more. I hear "ewww look at what he/she's wearing", "damn he/she's ugly", "oooh i'd fuck him" etc constantly and never have much fun. I've come to stereotype gay men as lame and boring and shallow as a mud puddle, and for the most part fucked up beyond repair. I don't wanna feel that way at all! Before I felt like a cat surrounded by dogs, but now I know who the real dogs are, and it sucks.

[JustMe]

Greetings:

I think this probably has a lot more to say about the type of company that you keep, the type of people that you surround yourself with, and the types of places that you choose to frequent, than it does about homosexual men in general.

There's yuppies and trailor trash in the heterosexual community as well.

[Xstr8guy]

Heavy post DJ. But I agree with JustMe, it is probably the people that you have chosen as friends. There are plenty of fun-loving, gentle-souls in the gay community. But they are very hard to find in the bar scene.

[Squirt]

Good people anywhere are hard to find, let alone in a community of people that have been persecuted, abused and rejected.

I've always seen the Gay "scene" as in intermediary between living a life of exclusion and acceptance. Before the Gay "scene" you are different "excluded" , during the gay scene you are "included", after the Gay "scene" you have made friends, and surrounded yourself with people where you are accepted. This is where you leave the Gay "scene" and become a part of the Gay community.

Scene queens are a virus to the Gay community. Most have lived lives where they were rejected and judged upon, and only know how to interact that way with others. By not dealing with their issues they are tearing apart, not bringing together, the Gay community. They tend to focus on how someone isn't like them because they don't follow the same fashion rules, etc. and haven't come to the realization that we're all more alike then we are different.

Try making friends with people not based on what they look like, have or wear, but based on what they do and how you feel when you're around them. What your "friends" are doing now is making you miserable. A lot of good people can be found at Gay volunteer organizations and political groups. Choose wisely and your future friends will enhance your life, and you theirs. :high: my .00000002 cents worth.

[longboardjim]

Deep! , And Probably Similarities Most All Of Us Have Experienced ( I Didn't Get The Quarterback But I Did Get The Coach!
My Mom Once Told Me ( Here It Comes! , ..."You Will Be Able To Count The Number Of Good Friends On One Hand"...So Forget About Starting A "Fan-Club" ( This Only Works If Your "Famous" Or "Infamous" )
Now My "Aquaintances" I Can Classify Into "Niches"...There's The "Druggies" , The "Drunkies" , The "Bitcheys" , Etc.
In My Experience! , I Have Had Mostly "Straight" Friends , Probably Because I Don't Have To Worry About "Fending" Them Off My "Hot-Body" , Or "Borrowing" My Clothes And Never Returning Them , Or Worse Yet..."Stealing" My "Boyfriend Of The Week"!
Choose Your Friends "Wisely" For As "Enemies" They May Be Your "Undoing" (Pre-Nup Baby!

Sincerely ~ Xxtremly Jaded...If You Have To Ask , You Can't Afford Me!

[Lee]

I would agree with most of what has already been said especially about the 'bar scenes' its been my experience that many of the guys who frequent bars do so because they have no 'real' social skills, especially the ones that can ALWAYS be found in the bar not the ones that just go for a quick drink or two on a Saturday night.

Regards,

Lee

[cj.]

sexuality is nothing more than the gender you choose to sleep with!!!

I think we make too much of what a person should be like because they are a certain sexuality - if we don't have a label or a group that we belong to, we are nothing?!

fuck that.

how does the gender you choose to sleep with define who you are as a person? it can't ...

my friends are all people who i like or have something in common with ... very few of my friends are friends with each other ...

I think i have a friend for every mood LOL I wouldn't have it any other way! I like my friends for their individual qualities, not for the gender of their last fuck - but it does help if your friends all purve on the same gender ;-))

[CuriousToyBoy]

Originally posted by cj.
I think i have a friend for every mood LOL I wouldn't have it any other way!

OK CJ, what mood do I get ?

He he.

Jay, find yourself some real people dude, and then see if friendships grow. Forced or situational friendships (i.e. the bar scene) rarely go for more than 5 minutes in real terms.

No matter what their sexual preference.

:biker: