I have been dating for more than 10 months a guy that doesn't like the idea of me having a gay porn site... he says that is time to think if I want to keep him or my site? What should I do?
Should I...?
I have been dating for more than 10 months a guy that doesn't like the idea of me having a gay porn site... he says that is time to think if I want to keep him or my site? What should I do?
Well that is hard choice...
and what he have against the site?
Just think good how important is he for u..and is that relationship really strong?so later u don't regret for choising him,love is much more important for me :howl:
Hi Caliente4sex:
You may not have meant it, but you characterize this individual as essentially throwing down the gauntlet with a "that or me" ultimatum.
My ex (a hispanic) used to do this to me often. Over time, I realized that this was a manifestation of his own insecurities; the only way for him to perceive my love and devotion was for me to literally forego the things that I truly enjoyed.
For example, let's say I loved eating cookies. Well so he'd surmise that if really I loved him, then I should be able to give up eating cookies.
Or how about the old chestnut: If you stopped spending time that one friend of yours who I dispise, then I know you really care about me.
Now this nine year relationship of mine lasted in part because I learned to essentially ignore these ultimatum requests. This often wasn't easy, but what I was essentially doing was trumping his play. This turned his ultimatum on its head - basically now it was he who had to choose whether to stay with the cookie-eating Desslock, or leave. Obviously I was not going to give up eating cookies.
Don't be manipulated.
And an interesting note - if their insecurity level is high, then they probably will end up sticking with you anyway. This is just my own experience. Your mileage may vary.
Steve
You're dating and he already asks you to make choices? WOW
Well it's all up to you really. Don't forget that it starts like this and then gets worse like that
If i was in that position id tell him to make sure the door didnt hit his ass on the way out.
Thats just me though
Regards,
Lee
You're too nice... i'd probably want the door to hit his ass.
LOL... Lee... that was a good one... Anyway, I am really sure that this time I am going to chose for my website... but the problem is that I own a cruising site and he (my boyfriend) told me that he can not trust in me beacuse my site... do you think that I should not say anything for my next relation? :cry: I don't wanna be alone... :cry:Originally posted by Lee
If i was in that position id tell him to make sure the door didnt hit his ass on the way out.
Thats just me though
Regards,
Lee
He can't trust you because you operate a cruising site?
That is probably more like - he can't trust you because INSERT REASON HERE
Beware of insecure, manipulative bottoms.
Sometimes when my ex and I would have this kind of argument. Work, friends or some other part of life would somehow figure into it cause of the argument. Finally he would relent and say "oh Tweetie, let's just you and me go to an island!"
So I would wisely respond -- "Oh like Australia?"
And he was say, "no no a desert island!"
I coined this as the Desert Island Solution, which states that if you and the bf could just withdraw to a tiny desert island with a tree and coconuts on it, you two would be free of those pesky external forces that keep intruding into the relationship.
The Desert Island Solution never works.
I guess my point is that you shouldn't settle for someone so insecure that they cannot accept you for who you are.
On the other hand, Shakespeare would differ with me:
Tis better to have loved and lost
then to not have loved at all
Steve
Good Lord, let me get in on this one.....
A lot of people here already know me. I started in the adult biz with my boyfriend, doing a live webcam show. We had on-cam sex, and then we still had our own off-cam life/sex life. Actually, the things we were asked to do on cam or in videos helped expand our personal sexual horizons (to say the least!!) That grew into making videos and our own websites, and doing affiliate work. That was 5 years ago. That BF is gone (drug problem). Everyone who knows me is aware of what I do for a living.
Ten months is a long time for someone to be with you, knowing from the start what you do. And now to ask you to stop. I don't know how lucrative your biz is...but he is asking you to change careers in order to be with him, when he knew from the get-go what you do.
I have been through many BF's and porn stars who work with me and became attached to me. I have come to stand by the old maxim: men are like the city bus....there's another one coming down the street every 15 minutes.
Being self-employed is in itself something a lot of BF's can't handle, not everyone has that entrepreneurial mindset. I deal with it every day, including friends who don't understand that just because I am home, they can't drop in whenever they want to. I am home, but I am working.
I just broke up with a BF who has a $250/week restaurant job, and he would never dream of being late for it. But to him it was OK to not be home on time for a schedulaed webcam show or a video. That could make us a thousand dollars. he just did not catch it...to him, security is 9 to 5 for slave wages, just to "have a job."
You can't change people. And they can't change you, either. Find someone who is " 'bout it" and wants to work with you for your greater success.
I guess... that I am going to look for my next boyfriend in my site... then when he tell me to get rid of my site... I will tell him... because that site I meet you bitch!!! :high:
Thank you all for your honest opinion!!!
Alex
Greetings:
Urgh, I hate giving relationship advice, but seem to be called on to do so often by my friends. So, what the hey.
My partner moved in with me when I was 19, and he had just turned 20. Now, here we are, over 6 and half years later, still living together as a happy, healthy couple.
No matter how much 2 people love each other, building and maintaining a relationship takes work. People are too quick to just give up and move on, and I think you're hearing this from the advice that some in this forum have given you.
Personally, I think that they're ALL missing the point. Yes, your boyfriend knew what you did when you first met, and now 10 months later he wants you to stop. Put yourself in his shoes, and ask yourself, why?
Is he being manipulative, controlling, etc. etc.? I honestly don't think so, although it may appear that way at first. Here's my guess at what's happening:
You two probably need to work on developing the base trust of your relationship. Sure, your boyfriend didn't care what you did at first, because honestly, he didn't care as much about YOU at first. That's normal enough for any relationship. Now, here he is 10 months later, probably feeling more and more serious about you, and wondering what the "long term" looks like.
In short, he's afraid of losing you. Which, in turn, can only mean that he sincerely cares for you.
Why then, people want you to throw that away, is above and beyond me.
You need to spend some time talking openly to him. How DO you really feel for him? Do you really see yourself with him in the long term? If so, he needs to know that.
Trust isn't something that develops magically between two people, and certainly isn't something that happens overnight. Trust is earned over time, and you need to let him know that it's something you want to earn from him.
Now, if you're some piece of shit that fully intends to cheat on him left and right and treat him like crap, then please, leave the poor guy now before you scar him for life. However, if your intentions are good, and you really care for this man, invest the time necessary.
Let him know you understand why he might be feeling the way that he feels, and to give you a chance to show him that he doesn't need to feel unstable. Let him know the work you do in no way effects your commitment to, or feelings towards, him. Let him know that he is your priority, and that you'll never allow your work to change that.
Who knows, investing time now could very well be an investment that could last you a lifetime.....
Sounds like you made the right decision.
When people meet you they take you as you are, and you them.
Flexibility in a relationship is good but once they start asking you to change for them it's a slippery slope, and for some, it's a constant effort to tailor yourself to someone else’s needs and leads to feelings of inadequacy. My .00002 cents :high:
caliente4sex - never trust anyone who gives ultimatums. anyone - business partner, neighbor, lover, relative.
anyone has the right to tell you why they don't like something, but you have the right to do what is right for YOU. anyone who tries to take away your right to make your own decisions is not treating you as an adult - and they are not showing you respect.
someone who is afraid of losing you will ALWAYS be afraid of losing you. the world is FULL of hot men and women. his insecurity - whether he is jealous of you and other guys or jealous because you make money or jealous because you love your website itself - isn't your problem. it's his, and it's deep inside of him.
good luck to you!
Goodbye would be the appropriate response.
What will be next?
Doesn't like your cat? the hair on your chest? your apartment? your family?
Tell him to take a hike.
Dzinerbear
I'd have to agree here.Originally posted by Dzinerbear
Goodbye would be the appropriate response.
What will be next?
Doesn't like your cat? the hair on your chest? your apartment? your family?
Tell him to take a hike.
Dzinerbear
When I was in my 20's I gave up my beautiful Afgan dog that I loved for someone who didn't like him...that was a really, really STUPID choice, because shortly after I found my pup a new home, me and the guy ended up not being together anyway.
I learned alot from that...and it STILL pains me.
If I had something that I cared about when I first met someone, or even months down the road, never again would I give it up...not unless it was something that was hurting me. (like smoking or something)
What happens if you give up your site then he decides a few months later, he doesn't want to be together anyway. Or, you decide you really don't want to be with him. Then you lose both him and your site. You'll be pissed about having gave up your biz. Probably regret it for a very, very long time....that makes no sence.
You have to take care of "your self"...that's the bottom line.
Do what you want to do and as long as it doesn't hurt the person you're with, it's OK...
In order to make someone else happy, first you have to be happy yourself.
If you're in a relationship with resentment or regrets, the relationship will be unhealthy and doomed.
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