>1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all!

>2. Yelling at me for barking ... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG!

>3. Taking me for walks, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly
whose walk is this anyway?

>4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose ... stop it!

>5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew
your stuff up when you're not home.

>6. The slight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo
Hoooooooo -- what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

>7. Taking me to the vet for the "big snip", then acting surprised when I
freak out every time we go back!

>8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I
haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

>9. Dog sweaters. Hello? Haven't you noticed the fur?

>10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the
truth, you're just jealous.