Hey

Guys how are you doing i need a little help would be appriciated

I need some help on fixing the text on this page
http://www.tenderdesign.com/clients/pierrefitchonline/

i'am bad with english writting please give me ideal on how to make the text better and more persanol like about me that i have being doing porn movies since i was 18 and now 24 year old i started doing my first movies with HMBoys and then RTBoys and so on and then become a big falcon porn star and still remain working with them i will be adding a guess book on my website and customers will be able to email me i will have a e-mail fan sorry.. LOL i probably have allot of enlgish mistakes

i'am a french guy remember Hehe

ok now for page tour 2 i had a friend help me out a bit he wrote this here is the link to look firsthttp://www.tenderdesign.com/clients/pierrefitchonline/pierrefitchonline2.jpg

he wrote

Under "updated weekly" perhaps:

"When I'm not shooting movies as a Falcon Exclusive, I'm working on this website. You'll find that I have a ton of movies and photos on the site. I add new video and photos weekly, plus you really can get up, close, and personal with me during my Webcam shows. I perform twice a week and have a schedule inside so you can get on and then get off with me".

Then maybe in under "see more" to the right of your knee:

"What are you waiting for? I put my time, energy and love into this website. By joining now you'll get to see sides of me that are intimate and personal. We'll be able to chat as I value communicating with my fans. I can't wait to meet you."

what do you think guys does in need tweaking
i know page tour 1 does how do you like my other pages here

Warning page
http://www.tenderdesign.com/clients/...e/warning.html

Join Page
http://www.tenderdesign.com/clients/...line/join.html

Please give me your feedback and help on how to improve thanx
my site is solo

Pierre Fitch