So, all of you that read my posts know that my week has more or less completely sucked. Well; so far the weekend is the real topper. Last night my bf decides he needs to go out with a friend who dosn't like me (so he says, hrrrmmmm) and drops me off in front of his sisters house! Yeah, the one I walked to. She's not home of course so I have to crawl through her fuckin' livingroom window (can you say felony?), and sit here totally worried the cops will get called. So at about 3:30am he shows up on gay.com (his friends computer is in his bedroom, double hrrrmmmm) telling me he won't be back to get me until Sunday. Then at around 5am (I swear I don't do coke, in fact, I think my brain must produce it naturally I don't even drink coffee!) both his sisters show up, with three guys they met at the bar. Two of them take off, and one goes downstairs with the pregnant sister! It took every fucking ounce of restraint I have not to follow them down and beat some ass. Unfortunately i'm no fighter so I did nothing (shame on me!!) They come up a while later covered in blood! What the fuck is this? Who knows. She's bleeding profusely, I know this much. Where's her sister? Passed out. Where's her brother? Passed out drunk in another gay man's house (bed?) I care about her like my own sister and this shit is killing me! She's been staying with the passed out sister, and going out to bars every thursday, friday, and saturday night, and staying up all night! Thats insane for a pregnant woman in her second trimester!!! One dance with the wrong guy, one pissed off big woman and her child is gone. Any more stress and it's gone. Nobody in her family will set her down and tell her how much they care about her and love her, she's obviously clinically depressed and needs to be shown that she is loved! This girl has scholiosis and has gone untreated for who knows how many years! I had to beg her to buy a lift for her shoe so her hip joint wouldn't deteriorate further. She won't take her prenatal vitamins and i'm making myself sick worrying about it. She drinks caffienated soda and chain smokes marlboro reds, and her fucking brother who supposedly loves her so much buys them for her if she's broke, which in my opinion would be an excellent opportunity to quit! and dosn't he care about her health or the health of her unborn daughter?! I'm at the end of my wits here. Their father is a "recovered alcoholic" who has fallen off the wagon or whatever and now brings a 12 pack home every night and binge drinks. Meanwhile we are "rent to own"ing a fucking refrigerator (can you say white trash?) that is completely empty, which is part of the reason i'm sure that pregnant sister is staying with passed out sister. She's broken out and sufferring an obvious vitamin defiency, I really don't know what the hell to do for her but it's making me sick with depression and worry. I feel like I care about her unborn daughter more than her fucking family does. Being gay, i'm brimming with health information and it bounces off these people like i'm talking to a tree. Everything they eat is fast food or comes from a box/can. I get in huge fights with him for taking me to fast food restaurants instead of the grocery store and he still does it!! Passed out sister has three kids, pregnant sister has a 2 y/o son who is very very well taken care of, but passed out sister has 3 smoke detectors without batteries! I've asked everyone in the family to buy batteries, nobody has yet. Considering that they decrease your risk of dying in a house fire by half, I deem them extremely important and worth a hell of a fucking lot more than a beer or a cigarette! How could I be the only one that thinks in these terms? KIDS FIRST, LUXURIES LATER, ALWAYS! There is no excuse in this world for any other type of thinking! Those kids better have a damn multi vitamin in their mouth at breakfast if they are gonna have mcdonalds in their mouth at night, am I right? Am I just crazy? Double mortgage against the house we live in (me, my bf, and his dad, no longer pregnant sister so she's outta my hands), with the bank threatening to foreclose over unpaid taxes, and beer in the otherwise empty refridgerator! I'm going nuts here people! What the fuck should I do? My mom refuses to let me come stay with her, she's of the school of thought that "hard learned lessons stick" etc. Whats far worse is that I have no way to fix any of our problems in the foreseeable future thanks to my fucked up vision. Right now their mom is stuck in iowa with a broken ankle, and she's caused me some way fucked up stories that put even these to shame, down in fun old galveston texas. I'll let you in on one part; my boyfriend was raped by a crack dealer my first night at work at a bar when he was supposed to be looking out for me and got trashed instead. We were there because she wanted to move to Texas, I borrowed large amounts of money from my family and got the job to support while she "looked for a job" which I guess is another way of saying hooked up with internet men. I used to be somewhat naive and hopeful about life, but this family is making me hate everything about life! Nothing here is wholesome, pure, normal, or full of love! I just want to die...
I'm NOT going to kill myself, and this isn't a big pity party, more a cry for help. I know ultimately only I have the power to change my own life, but somebody give me some guidance because this path is slippery with human shit.
Another note; passed out sister was kicked out by her landlord yesterday because pregnant sisters two year old son was playing in the house outside naked. Since when is this wrong? I take him out to play in it a lot (wearing shorts tho), I even made him a "ghetto sprinkler"; A bottle lid with holes poked in it screwed onto the end of the hose. Her basement is full of human waste because of broken pipes, which is where two of the kids bedrooms are, and the landlord told her it was "her shit, her problem" what the fuck is this? How could anyone be like that to a woman with children??? I don't get it!!!!!