It was my third sultry saturday night in Tokyo. I was sick of sweating, and constantly readjusting my dick was keeping me semi-hard. I leaned against a wall for a quick break, glancing around at the thinning pedestrians and unfamiliar sites. That's when I spotted Kiyoshi, a perfect vision of Asian sensuality and masculinity. He stood in front of his motorbike, casually puffing on a cigarette. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, every inch and angle of his body was like a visual drug. He kept looking up at a window and checking his watch. I let out a sigh, wetting my lips, and noticing that this time I hadn't stopped adjusting my dick. It was now rock hard, and I started imagining my dick in the place of that cigarette, those eyes looking up at me instead of the window. I knew if I could ever get that chance, the last thing he would do is check his watch. Suddenly his eyes turned down and fixed on mine; It felt like every spare ounce of blood instantly rushed to my face. A sly grin graced his beautiful pouty lips, while his hand moved down to his crotch. Was he mocking me? I pushed off of the wall, ready to walk away. Before I could take a step, his cock became obviously hard, poking out of the top of his shorts. He was enviously secure with himself, and definately not shy like me...
SLS...That's brilliant and hot!!! You have definitely taken my text to a new (and improved) level.

I think writing short and to the point is good in site tours. If the language is too complex, long or convoluted I think the surfers won't read it...they are horny and want to get off ASAP! I also tend to write in more simple language on my sites, because a lot of our surfers are Asian or non-native English speakers.

However, if it's for a gay story site or gay erotic novel I think your approach is far better and would definitely draw me in! I'm hungry for your Chapter 2 heheheh...