Letting people demean you is not at all what I mean by my post. And also don't confuse what I say with an idea that you should hide your gay identity.

What if someone is using this terminology, but their intention is not to slander?

You know, religious right people never use the word gay. If you watch Jerry Falwell or others, they always refer to us as "homosexuals." Never as gay. Why is that not a potentially heavier slander, particularly if they are implying that being gay is a chosen lifestyle, and not an identity?

And I would say that their use of the word homosexual in the context of advocating the idea as us as second class citizens in public is potentially worse then some kid shooting off at the mouth with stuff they don't understand.

On the other hand I have seen Tim Russert on Meet the Press and Jim Lehrer on the PBS Newshour also use the term homosexuals as opposed to gays in their news broadcasts. I always like watching people and their choice of words.

I guess this shows that ten different gay people can have ten completely different temperatures in reactions to the word. I'll tell you, what gets me flying off the handle more is when a straight person uses the word "lifestyle" in a conversation about gay rights. Several years ago, I participated in a Lobby Day in Washington DC, and this Congressman, who was trying to be ingratiating, used the lifestyle word while talking. I thought my friend next to me was going to lunge across the table at him and choke him with his tie. He didn't lunge, but he did interrupt him with a "it is not a lifestyle, sir.... it is who I am and please don't patronize me" speech that made for a memorable moment.

Certain words can really flip switches.

I guess I am saying that I am very hesitant to determine what someone ought or ought not to say.

Steve